Venting I just lost the only reason I had to keep fighting and waking up everyday

[helicoptero]

No need to read this stupid long vent, I just need a hug...

After a year of being better, yesterday my only reason to live ended. I don't know how I will try to live anymore.

That person gave me back happiness and peace, a goal to reach and a wish that I wanted with all my heart to come true, something that I totally lost for 6 years prior to meeting him. In all that time I had other relationships, even some really meaningful to me, people I got to love, but it wasn't enough to help me keep going.

I did my best to keep this relationship healthy. Every problem we had, which were maybe 2 or 3 in all this time, I did my best to talk about it in therapy. I did my best to save money to be together, got up from the bed in which I was laying in for years and started living and making efforts again. I can't blame him, if he doesn't feel the same I can't do anything about that... It's over.

Now everything feels heavy again, I don't even know how I will keep going anymore. To add more to it, my therapists insurance cover ended. I won't see them anymore, just one of them and once or, with some luck, twice a month. I used to see them twice a week or more, I am clearly not ready for such a big change of routine, and now that this happened I need more support than ever... I don't know what I will do. I don't want to be in psych ward again.

My family and friends support me, and I really appreciate it with all my heart. But I just can't stay without a purpose, it just doesn't make sense to me. And there's nothing that interests me enough, it had been this way for years before meeting him

I don't want to do anything bad, I don't want to self harm again, I don't want to smoke, to drink or take any kind of drug. None of that helped when I was feeling so bad the last time. It's like it was pointless. I was about to end it all when he came to my life by chance, I wasn't looking for a relationship. He saved me without wanting or knowing it, even when we were just friends, he was so special... He gave me a reason to keep fighting these stupid mental health issues or whatever you want to call it. He was the sun that brightened up all my days, my first and last thought in the morning and at night, the one who gave me support without even talking much about my problems, his sweet and happy presence was all I needed. I didn't even vented with him much or talked often about my issues, I really tried so hard to make it as chill as I could. But that didn't prevent this tragic ending.

He said it's not my fault and he doesn't feel deserving of me. Says I'm too good for him... Not the first time I have heard this, probably something is wrong with me. Well many things are... but I mean as a couple.

All of that could be fixed if he wanted to, but then he said he doesn't feel the same anymore... There's nothing to be done in that case. It's just over

I don't know anything, I don't know what to do. I just feel so sad, empty and numb at the same time. I just need a hug. I'm sorry for writing so much, I feel so bad I vented with people I barely know. I'm lost and desperate

 

[unluckysadness]

I send you a hug

 

[helicoptero]

I send you a hug

Thank you, I really appreciate it

 

[unluckysadness]

Thank you, I really appreciate it

You're welcome ! We're all in the same shitty boat here
Nice cat on your profile

 

[helicoptero]

T

You're welcome ! We're all in the same shitty boat here
Nice cat on your profile

Thank you lol yea it's a funny silly cat meme

 

[Manfrotto99]

In the same boat here. I was suicidal before hand and never wanted a relationship as I'd made up my mind. I was just hanging on for my dog. Five years later and he simply walked away without a care, no contact. We were building a house together and he just took all my stuff and said the dating didn't turn out for him ?? Dating after 5 years of giving my all? I even helped him out of a very difficult situation he had got himself into, which he was very grateful for, but then he turned around and blamed it on me. Truly I tried to give it my all despite my depression. Now my dog is gone and I have no family or support system. End of the line for me.

 

[kunikuzushi]

This is so painful for you. I'm so so sorry. Something very similar happened to me and I can understand this pain of losing the only reason you were trying. Hugs hugs hugs. I'm here if you want to talk or figure out what to do.

 

[deep-sleeper]

I wish I could help you, but I am going through the same thing

 

[Galam]

I think as long as you have other friends and family you will find another purpose and get better over a love interest.

In my case it is different. I could not make any family and friends because many find me ugly because of my body. I had only two love interests sadly they were women and ignorant, het and passiv aggressiv and had the wrong/opposite counsciousnes. I assume after the last one last year I got a small stroke and my face got uglier because of this, I also had my problems with walking, I felt a heavy dumb pain in my chest and back and had issues to get air and stay awake and I had the strong feeling to cut my right eye out and CTB with jumping from the balcony. It was horrible, and a vey biological and automated process. The year before this I suffered from shingels and before this from ovarian cysts. But this was crueler and it echoes further into my life because my love interest dislikes me so much she gossiped around and has build a life with a psychologist who had the power to stigmatize me as mental ill. Sadly I had to do with him. It was one circle of abuse, they hold each others back. At the end I wish I could have someone for me one time. Why the evil people get always someone with whom they can build a life but victims have never any support. Passengers laughed about me after I had the small stroke and could not walk normal. I suffer also from kyphosis. And after the asylum I stay inside, I don't go outside anymore.

 

[freakypossum]

I'm in a similar situation, I feel you, I really do. It's been downhill since the breakup. Sending lots of hugs

 

[.koocain]

ihope you get out of this state soon. im starting to believe ill be like this forever, i have no reason to be here

 

[TBONTB]

No need to read this stupid long vent, I just need a hug...

After a year of being better, yesterday my only reason to live ended. I don't know how I will try to live anymore.

That person gave me back happiness and peace, a goal to reach and a wish that I wanted with all my heart to come true, something that I totally lost for 6 years prior to meeting him. In all that time I had other relationships, even some really meaningful to me, people I got to love, but it wasn't enough to help me keep going.

I did my best to keep this relationship healthy. Every problem we had, which were maybe 2 or 3 in all this time, I did my best to talk about it in therapy. I did my best to save money to be together, got up from the bed in which I was laying in for years and started living and making efforts again. I can't blame him, if he doesn't feel the same I can't do anything about that... It's over.

Now everything feels heavy again, I don't even know how I will keep going anymore. To add more to it, my therapists insurance cover ended. I won't see them anymore, just one of them and once or, with some luck, twice a month. I used to see them twice a week or more, I am clearly not ready for such a big change of routine, and now that this happened I need more support than ever... I don't know what I will do. I don't want to be in psych ward again.

My family and friends support me, and I really appreciate it with all my heart. But I just can't stay without a purpose, it just doesn't make sense to me. And there's nothing that interests me enough, it had been this way for years before meeting him

I don't want to do anything bad, I don't want to self harm again, I don't want to smoke, to drink or take any kind of drug. None of that helped when I was feeling so bad the last time. It's like it was pointless. I was about to end it all when he came to my life by chance, I wasn't looking for a relationship. He saved me without wanting or knowing it, even when we were just friends, he was so special... He gave me a reason to keep fighting these stupid mental health issues or whatever you want to call it. He was the sun that brightened up all my days, my first and last thought in the morning and at night, the one who gave me support without even talking much about my problems, his sweet and happy presence was all I needed. I didn't even vented with him much or talked often about my issues, I really tried so hard to make it as chill as I could. But that didn't prevent this tragic ending.

He said it's not my fault and he doesn't feel deserving of me. Says I'm too good for him... Not the first time I have heard this, probably something is wrong with me. Well many things are... but I mean as a couple.

All of that could be fixed if he wanted to, but then he said he doesn't feel the same anymore... There's nothing to be done in that case. It's just over

I don't know anything, I don't know what to do. I just feel so sad, empty and numb at the same time. I just need a hug. I'm sorry for writing so much, I feel so bad I vented with people I barely know. I'm lost and desperate

Awww, this must be such a painful, raw time. It sounds like you are shocked and grieving. Naturally you feel sad, empty, numb and lost. Hugs to you

What do you do? Well keep on doing things. Keep a routine if you can, showering, eating, work/school etc. and then also give yourself something extra. If you craft, try a new project. If you have friends, try for coffees and phone calls.

I know you know this, but this pain isn't permanent. Post again in a couple weeks and give everyone an update?