Venting I just feel incompetent

[s-pluto]

I guess I'm planning to CTB today with SN.

But in reality it feels so unnecessary for me to die? I want to do it because I'm just escaping my responsibilities. I've never been able to deal with that shit straight on.

Like I have a good job, I'm in further education, I'm not strapped for cash. But I have absolutely 0 friends and I'm barely saying any words at work or school.
And like, I rent my own apartment but I turned it into a filthy mess and I've been ignoring a huge leak in the tap of sink in my bathroom for like a year straight because I just can't deal with talking to the apartment management.

I do well when someone else holds the responsibility and I directly get consequences if I fuck up but I just ignore it when it's my problem.

I'm an adult, why am I so incompetent?

 

[imsotired005]

i feel you...the anxiety i feel having to take the responsibility for myself or dread is insane...

 

[Lapdog6795]

I think you're not incompetent but maybe too logical. You know something is important to do but then you ask why? You don't get answer that satisfies your logic.

As you can't rationalize why something is important to do, your instincts/nature starts overriding your logic/rationality. The result is you procrastinate and do something that's more pleasant than the task at hand.

It's not your fault but the human civilization is built that way. We have technologies, culture, tools, concepts and what not but we're still rooted in nature. We build elaborated stories and do detailed analysis of phenomena to justify our instincts/nature. Take for an example sex and reproduction. All life forms (big generalization here) have some way of mating and reproducing. But look at humans. We built concepts of marriage, honeymoon, husband-wife, girlfriend-boyfriend, romantic love, living together for lifetime, can't have romantic relationship with anyone other than your partner when you're married, and countless other things. Just to satisfy our instincts for mating, reproducing, and we don't want to leave mating partner because we fear of living alone and not being able to find another partner.

I feel the same sometimes as you do. I know the task is important to do but I just can't get myself to do it. I keep procrastinating and do something more pleasant until, either it's too late and I suffer the consequences or I've no choice but have to do the task.

We're not incompetent. We know logically that the human civilization, the stories and concepts surrounding it are bullshit and means nothing in the end. But to survive we still have to participate and play the game.

Most people don't ask why and just do things. So the solution is just that. Just do it. Don't ask why? There's no logical answer. We know the game is shit and there's no winning in the end but still if you want to play it, you have to follow the rules of human civilization.

Logic/rationality has limitations. There are no ultimate answers. The solution is to just do it.

Obviously these are just my opinions.