Venting I just can’t do this anymore

[sadlyexisting]

Firstly I want to apologise for the bad grammar and badly written text, I am just writing down my thoughts.

So basically, today I had a really bad day, woke up late and didn't get any work done. And to make it all worse, my pc broke today. So my mood was like very bad and because of that I had so many arguments with my parents today. But the worst was with my mom, she said to me that I always bring the mood down and should stop to let my bad mood out on them. I tried to explain it to her, but she didn't want to listen at all. She just screamed at me more and more, about how everything is my fault. We screamed at each other so much. I hate it. After a few minutes my dad came into my room and said to me about how my mom is crying because of me, after I said that I am crying too, he said just said that he doesn't care about it at all, he practically said that I should cry. And also screamed at me. These words hurt so damn much, and I know it's silly to cry about that as 20-year-old, but I just can't help it. I've been crying extremely for an hour now and it still hurts so much.
Now I am starting to think that, maybe they are right. Maybe everything is my fault. Maybe I am a failure. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe everyone is better off without me. Maybe I am worthless. Maybe my feelings are invalid.
But I just can't understand how they can say that to their daughter and think it doesn't have a impact on me. They expect me to go on like before.
I just can't do this anymore. I am done. Nobody gives a fuck about me, so why should I live? I don't have a single fucking reason.

 

[Dayrain]

I saw you posting on the partners megathread today and then this one. This probably got overlooked that day, but...

and I know it's silly to cry about that as 20-year-old

...it's not silly...

Maybe I deserve this

...you don't deserve this...

Maybe my feelings are invalid

....and everyone here will tell you that your feelings are not invalid!

 

[casual_existence]

Don't listen to them. They're probably saying that because in their head they imagine a better life for themselves without children. They are not seeing what's in front of them. Their hurt daughter who needs all the love and attention they can give.

Advice if you want it.

Spoiler

I'll give the same advice that I'd give to anyone in your situation. Move out if you can't handle it. Siblings, relatives, friends, shelters. Even a temporary respite is better than nothing.

 

[kindalone]

I'm 32 and I still get affected when my parents say something harsh. So you're not at all immature or anything like that. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Your feelings are valid.

 

[greebo6]

Parents are mostly useless at this kind of thing. They always remain just as useless.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Firstly I want to apologise for the bad grammar and badly written text, I am just writing down my thoughts.

So basically, today I had a really bad day, woke up late and didn't get any work done. And to make it all worse, my pc broke today. So my mood was like very bad and because of that I had so many arguments with my parents today. But the worst was with my mom, she said to me that I always bring the mood down and should stop to let my bad mood out on them. I tried to explain it to her, but she didn't want to listen at all. She just screamed at me more and more, about how everything is my fault. We screamed at each other so much. I hate it. After a few minutes my dad came into my room and said to me about how my mom is crying because of me, after I said that I am crying too, he said just said that he doesn't care about it at all, he practically said that I should cry. And also screamed at me. These words hurt so damn much, and I know it's silly to cry about that as 20-year-old, but I just can't help it. I've been crying extremely for an hour now and it still hurts so much.
Now I am starting to think that, maybe they are right. Maybe everything is my fault. Maybe I am a failure. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe everyone is better off without me. Maybe I am worthless. Maybe my feelings are invalid.
But I just can't understand how they can say that to their daughter and think it doesn't have a impact on me. They expect me to go on like before.
I just can't do this anymore. I am done. Nobody gives a fuck about me, so why should I live? I don't have a single fucking reason.

Sounds like a bad case of child abuse there my friend,i'd highly recommend getting away from them as quickly as possible but i understand that being extremely difficult