Venting I haven't logged in for a while, I guess im back.

[ElectroshockBlues]

I thought I was doing better. I really did. So many new friends entered my life and started to make me feel like things would be different. Spoiler alert, 90% of them did what everyone always does and left. I was "dating" a guy for like 7 months, and he promised me up and down he wouldn't abandon me like the other people in my life. I opened up to him in the most vulnerable ways and ya know what happened? He was tired of "trying" with me even though most of our issues stemmed from him not telling me what he felt or if he was upset/anxious and then blindsiding me and making me feel like I fucked it all up.
Right after that, I got roofied in a bar and it was terrifying, and then out of nowhere im diagnosed bipolar and attempting to try new meds. I also deal with so much childhood trauma, PTSD, anxiety disorders, dissociation issues, and I am diagnosed autistic.
Fun fact, the suicide rate of people with rapid cycling bipolar is 54% compared to those without rapid cycling. Love that for me. In the past, I have attempted my life so many times since I was 10 to no avail. I am 27 almost 28 now. I was close once, but nothing I've done has ever worked. I'm starting to feel almost immortal at this point. I can't stand being alive, I try to but I can't die, I just want peace and this world hasn't given it to me for a second.

 

[valoristic]

I'm sorry this all happened, I hope you things go a little better for you soon <3

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really awful what you've been through, I find it cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die, it's certainly understandable just wanting peace. But anyway best wishes.