I have to CTB on Sunday

[thelazyegg]

Heya, i truly hope that you succeed with your plan and find your peace, i'm a bit younger that you but relate a lot with what you've been through, i've been orphan at a very young age, and never came across a place to truly call home, my girlfriend, our dog and cute rabbits were my everything but i think i was too much of a burden for her, she told me last month that she didn't want to be with me anymore, i'm so lost, my insomnia never been this worst, i'm too tired to move on. i plan to CTB near next week, it'll be her birthday i really want give her a gift but i feel awful to go after that, i'm just too weak every day is a burden and a week is alrdeady a torture. I wish you good luck

Oh man I'm so, so sorry to hear that That sounds awful, I would feel the same as well. I wish you peace and relief from your suffering. I did want to mention though. Just because I can't help myself after my boyfriend took his life. Just realize that she will always tie her birthday to your suicide, at least for a very long time. Are you okay with that reality? My boyfriend took his life a week before moving in with me and it haunts me all the time and every weekend feels awful since he took his life on Sunday.

I hope it doesn't come across as trying to guilt, because I'm not trying to do that. This is your choice and your suffering is completely valid. Once you make that final choice though, that's it for you. Everyone that knew you will still be around. It's up to you how to want to handle that reality. I have to handle the reality that if I go, that my cat Marvin will have to be given to a new owner and he is extremely attached to me, and that is something I wrestle with. Thank you for reading and I will be holding you in my heart and thoughts while I'm alive and still here

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And thank you everyone for well wishes! It's looking less and less likely for this Sunday unfortunately :( I'm still in pain and my back is killing me and I don't think I'll be able to handle buckets of charcoal in this state. I'm really devastated tbh because I truly can't handle another day alone in apartment with no help or no one to be here.

 

[rowboat]

I hope you find the peace you're seeking and that your journey goes smoothly <33