I have spent more than 84% of my life inside this house...

[chocolatebar]

Yes, I did the calculations. I counted the time spent on school, the few other times I went out, and every activity I did in all my life. I exaggerated my time spent outside by a large margin, to compensate for the occasions I failed to remember, and, even so, the results were above 84%.

These walls, these rooms, this very similar air have consumed me and taken everything from me.

I'm not a normal human being (I know there's no "normal", but I stray so far that my life experience isn't even similar to a human's). Not a single person can understand what it feels and means to be me (if your life changed the slightest after growing from a child to a teenager and/or later, from a teenager to an adult, you don't have any idea how my life was). There's nothing psychiatry or psychology can do about me, because my case isn't documented in the scientific bibliography.

I'm an outlier among outliers, an aberration of this sick society we live in. Not only no one would ever understand me, but would even judge me, treat me badly and impose their prejudices and stereotypes over me.

The only life story that I ever hear about that somewhat resembles mine and I can slightly relate to, is the life of Genie. The poor girl suffered line no human ever has, and like no one ever should, like no being ever should. She was rescued in her early teens, and was unable to ever live a life she deserved.After being rescued, she was seen as a research subject, and not like the human she was. It's unknown what happened to her since then. I hope she's in peace and didn't have to suffer more from the human malevolence. I wish I could give her a hug, but I don't even know if she would find comfort on it. I find myself thinking a lot about her, and I feel so sad about everything.

My life was life a slow version of hers. I lacked everything, but just in the threshold of legality, so I was never rescued, and my family will never suffer any consequences. It's impossible for me to have a decent life now, or to even live on my own. I lacked the normal and healthy human development. I suffered irreparable damage.

I'm not even young anymore, so most people won't even care or show sympathy for me. I'm feeling in my mind and skin what it means to be disposable in society, No human would ever feel good or not want to die in my circumstances.

It's all gone, all my chances are gone, and soon, I will be gone too

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I could have written much of this. You may be an outlier but you are not entirely alone, whatever meager consolation that affords.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you have suffered a lot and I'm sorry that this cruel existence has brought you to this point. Your feelings of wishing to leave are understandable, as it's certainly so awful the thought of enduring a future filled with torment. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[chocolatebar]

I could have written much of this. You may be an outlier but you are not entirely alone, whatever meager consolation that affords.

True comfort would e for us to be free from our prisons, but there's some strange comfort in knowing that I'm not alone, even though I'd prefer that no one else ever suffered from a similar fate. Strange, isn't it?

It really sounds like you have suffered a lot and I'm sorry that this cruel existence has brought you to this point. Your feelings of wishing to leave are understandable, as it's certainly so awful the thought of enduring a future filled with torment. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

Thank you for always being around. I know your life is a constant struggle too, and I just wish we never had to be subjected to any of this.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is so sad- I'm so sorry. I'd like to be able to give you a hug. No one chooses or deserves such a life.