Discussion I have no one.

[DeathWish3301]

Extremley abusive parents that couldn't care less about my existence; they made my life the misery that it is. Refuse to apologize or even acknowledge because they're both narcissistic.

Sister knows I'm suicidal but doesn't care if I live or not and hasn't talked to me in 4+ years.

All my extended family either didn't care about me to begin with, ignored the abuse or enabled it so I'm NC with them by choice.

Ruined every romantic relationship I ever had. Could've been married with a few different women if I hadn't f'd up.

Screwed up a few friendships myself but most of them just left me. I tend to be the expendable friend when in groups.

If I was gone today, no one would notice. Anyone who did know me and somehow found out after the fact wouldn't care. Some people would be happy, honestly.

The only reason my direct family would find out is by next of kin notification by the powers that be.

Guarantee I wouldn't even get a funeral or so much as an obit. Minimal effort & expense and 100% forgotten with 24-48 hours. I know our memory and existence are both lost to time eventually but it sucks that it'd be so quick for me.

Anyone else completely alone?

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much this sounds unbeatable and cruel what you are experiencing , life is so unfair and stupid sometimes …. I'm wishing you peace on you're journey , you're not completely alone though , you have a community on here somewhat of people who are a little bit similar to you , or atleast most of us can relate to pain and suffering
Im proud of you for sharing you're experience and I hope you can find some relief from you're suffering sometime soon,

 

[lizzywizzy09]

You're not alone in being alone, that's for sure.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much this sounds unbeatable and cruel what you are experiencing , life is so unfair and stupid sometimes …. I'm wishing you peace on you're journey , you're not completely alone though , you have a community on here somewhat of people who are a little bit similar to you , or atleast most of us can relate to pain and suffering
Im proud of you for sharing you're experience and I hope you can find some relief from you're suffering sometime soon,

I'm almost thirty and I've been in a state of suffering for most of my life. It just compounds and gets worse the longer time goes on.

And yes, you're right about being among people that know of similar pain and suffering; evenif their situation is different than my own. It doesn't bring me joy to know that others feel like this too, but it does bring me comfort that I'm not alone, in a sense.

Thank you very much for your kind words. I really appreciate them.

 

[Blueth]

Extremley abusive parents that couldn't care less about my existence; they made my life the misery that it is. Refuse to apologize or even acknowledge because they're both narcissistic.

Sister knows I'm suicidal but doesn't care if I live or not and hasn't talked to me in 4+ years.

All my extended family either didn't care about me to begin with, ignored the abuse or enabled it so I'm NC with them by choice.

Ruined every romantic relationship I ever had. Could've been married with a few different women if I hadn't f'd up.

Screwed up a few friendships myself but most of them just left me. I tend to be the expendable friend when in groups.

If I was gone today, no one would notice. Anyone who did know me and somehow found out after the fact wouldn't care. Some people would be happy, honestly.

The only reason my direct family would find out is by next of kin notification by the powers that be.

Guarantee I wouldn't even get a funeral or so much as an obit. Minimal effort & expense and 100% forgotten with 24-48 hours. I know our memory and existence are both lost to time eventually but it sucks that it'd be so quick for me.

Anyone else completely alone?

Part of me was jealous. It would be very advantageous for me if the family didn't care. I wouldn't have to think about the people behind me. The other part of me is really sad.

I'm not in a psychological state where I can choose words right now.
All I can say is that you find peace as soon as possible.

 

[DeathWish3301]

You're not alone in being alone, that's for sure.

I'm sorry that it's the same for you and/or others. Obviously, I know how awful it feels.

Part of me was jealous. It would be very advantageous for me if the family didn't care. I wouldn't have to think about the people behind me. The other part of me is really sad.

I'm not in a psychological state where I can choose words right now.
All I can say is that you find peace as soon as possible.

Weird, isn't it? I get extremley jealous of people who would be missed if when they CTB. I'll admit it is the one perk of being alone, I don't have the guilt of hurting anyone by checking out early. One less obstacle.

I understand to a degree what you're saying, though. Before my living situation went to shit, I had a cat that I loved more than anything on this Earth. I felt horrible guilt and worry about leaving her behind the times I previously attempted to CTB.

Thank you for the sentiment and wishes of peace, I wish the same for you.