Hello thank you for reading, it means alot.
I want to say that I have tried to CTB 15 times. Im still here......? I have spent MONTHS involuntarily staying in institutions across different cities because no one is able to help me. I've done CBT, DBT, talk therapy, art therapy, inpatient therapy, outpatient therapy, intensive outpatient programs, hospital day programs, I take my meds as prescribed. I still feel suicidal.
Anyways I originally thought it would be okay to CTB now even though my cat is alive but then I realized that she is 18 years old and weve been together all those years and it feels unfair for me not to be there when she dies. Things got so intense that I even thought about killing her myself. I could never harm her even if I wanted to but it did come up.
Everything was fine and I was going to CTB when my cat dies. Then my service dog whos currently being trained with an organization came to visit for two nights. I loved having him it was amazing, there wasnt even a single thing I look back on and wish was different.
This just made it even more complicated because he wont be placed with me until the new year. But now im struggling with this idea that its a life or death deadline.
I am either going to CTB or live for the next 10 years or so. Thats a big commitment in my opinion is it not?
It get even worse because I don't want to attempt to CTB during the school year just in case I fail and survive and end up falling behind missing school or even failing classes.
That gives me 4 weeks to decide wether im going to spend the next ten years looking forward to my dogs death or if I'm going to CTB and change the lives of those around me forever.
What happens when you die?
Anyways I've written out a letter to my psychiatrist who i see tomorrow explaining all of this. Outlining how I feel like I have four weeks to decide mt fate, how I know the methos im using, and how to release my finances upon my death.
What are the odd I get sectioned and spend weeks in the pit?
It doesn't matter at the end of the day. I'm going to be suicidal in hospital, and guess what I'm still going to be suicidal when they let me go however long they decide to keep me this time.
I'm really scared to give her this letter. The only reason I was alive before was because of my cat. Now that this pressure is on and my cat is on the back burner (not literally lol) I don't think my cat will stop me this time.
It just feels like a big decsion to make in four weeks.
Can someone help me?
I want to say that I have tried to CTB 15 times. Im still here......? I have spent MONTHS involuntarily staying in institutions across different cities because no one is able to help me. I've done CBT, DBT, talk therapy, art therapy, inpatient therapy, outpatient therapy, intensive outpatient programs, hospital day programs, I take my meds as prescribed. I still feel suicidal.
Anyways I originally thought it would be okay to CTB now even though my cat is alive but then I realized that she is 18 years old and weve been together all those years and it feels unfair for me not to be there when she dies. Things got so intense that I even thought about killing her myself. I could never harm her even if I wanted to but it did come up.
Everything was fine and I was going to CTB when my cat dies. Then my service dog whos currently being trained with an organization came to visit for two nights. I loved having him it was amazing, there wasnt even a single thing I look back on and wish was different.
This just made it even more complicated because he wont be placed with me until the new year. But now im struggling with this idea that its a life or death deadline.
I am either going to CTB or live for the next 10 years or so. Thats a big commitment in my opinion is it not?
It get even worse because I don't want to attempt to CTB during the school year just in case I fail and survive and end up falling behind missing school or even failing classes.
That gives me 4 weeks to decide wether im going to spend the next ten years looking forward to my dogs death or if I'm going to CTB and change the lives of those around me forever.
What happens when you die?
Anyways I've written out a letter to my psychiatrist who i see tomorrow explaining all of this. Outlining how I feel like I have four weeks to decide mt fate, how I know the methos im using, and how to release my finances upon my death.
What are the odd I get sectioned and spend weeks in the pit?
It doesn't matter at the end of the day. I'm going to be suicidal in hospital, and guess what I'm still going to be suicidal when they let me go however long they decide to keep me this time.
I'm really scared to give her this letter. The only reason I was alive before was because of my cat. Now that this pressure is on and my cat is on the back burner (not literally lol) I don't think my cat will stop me this time.
It just feels like a big decsion to make in four weeks.
Can someone help me?
