I have everything I need. I have 2 grams of trazadone and over 20 grams of venifalaxine. I plan on taking the trazadone first along with some NyQuil, then when I'm about to fall asleep, I'll take the venifalaxine. Once I'm asleep, my heart should stop, and it'll all be over.
I just can't do it. I've been here before, same pills, same plan. I ended up telling someone and winding up in the ER. Never making that mistake again. I won't tell anyone, this time— Except you lovely people, of course.
I know this is the right choice. I have never been happy before, and I'm well aware that I never will be happy. I try to think of it this way: I will suffer every day of my life, for some 60-odd years. Why not take all that suffering and bite the bullet in one day? Just get it over with?
I know nothing will be able to fix me. I've been in therapy for the majority of my life. I take a handful of pills to wake up in the morning. None of it helps. None of it will ever make the pain go away.
Why would anyone want to live in this world anyways? I've been on and off suicidal since kindergarten. I found my first ever note recently, I must've been 7-8 when I wrote it.
How much have I suffered needlessly since then? Back then, things were easy. Now, I have to go to classes to get a dead-end job, all while already working a dead-end job that I hate. The only thing that's kept me alive this long is my special interest in a show (I have ASD, if you couldn't tell), but even the happiness that brings me is waning.
I just wish I had the courage. It should be easy. I swallow pills every day, why does this have to be so hard? I just want to get it over with.
I wish I had a gun.
I just can't do it. I've been here before, same pills, same plan. I ended up telling someone and winding up in the ER. Never making that mistake again. I won't tell anyone, this time— Except you lovely people, of course.
I know this is the right choice. I have never been happy before, and I'm well aware that I never will be happy. I try to think of it this way: I will suffer every day of my life, for some 60-odd years. Why not take all that suffering and bite the bullet in one day? Just get it over with?
I know nothing will be able to fix me. I've been in therapy for the majority of my life. I take a handful of pills to wake up in the morning. None of it helps. None of it will ever make the pain go away.
Why would anyone want to live in this world anyways? I've been on and off suicidal since kindergarten. I found my first ever note recently, I must've been 7-8 when I wrote it.
How much have I suffered needlessly since then? Back then, things were easy. Now, I have to go to classes to get a dead-end job, all while already working a dead-end job that I hate. The only thing that's kept me alive this long is my special interest in a show (I have ASD, if you couldn't tell), but even the happiness that brings me is waning.
I just wish I had the courage. It should be easy. I swallow pills every day, why does this have to be so hard? I just want to get it over with.
I wish I had a gun.
