Venting I have already pick a date to CTB. Live is so bizarre now

[final weekz]

like i have just make a plan with a friend for a date in wich i will be already dead and i feel like im lying everybody around me. I cant tell my friends i wont be able to go because they all know between them so i cant make up a fake plan and also i've used for 2 weeks the disease card to avoid meetings and i dont know how to keep it all. How are they gonna feel when i CTB, are they gonna keep the events up? (One is a conference in oyr village open to the public) are they just keep going? Why all that depends on me like fuck.
I deserve to be let alone for a fucking week.

 

[steygrone]

It really is weird making plans with people when only you know you won't be there for them. I'm reeling from that feeling myself, life is feeling more weird now. I wish you luck in finding peace, we'll both be dealing with this feeling until its all over

 

[Sageiois]

It just creates something for SI to hold onto. Basically giving yourself an out

 

[helllcreator]

This is sorta how ive been keeping myself alive for the last 6 months plus, making a random meaningless plan then ends up forcing me to delay my ctb.
But ive just given up trying to keep myself going like that. Its destroyed my head and left me worse than i could have imagined. Ive got a firm date set and thats gonna be that.

 

[Ksmиda]

feeling the same, it's kind of stressful and annoying how I have to keep pretending I'm not about to ctb. I don't like lying to people's faces, but I have to do it until the day comes