I do have a partner. Right now he's living in France and I'm here in the US.
Part of me believes that we could have a happy life together, but a part of me doesn't believe it. Yet, he has made me the happiest I've been in a while.
Honestly, my suicidal thoughts have diminished with some time but they're roaring back up. I don't see the point of continuing to exist with my eating disorder. Now please don't say "go to the ED clinic and recover". No.
Yes I've tried. But I can't cope with the resulting weight gain of recovery. Being underweight brings me more mental peace even at the cost of me being in physical pain
I don't know what to do. I can't exist with this ED. My partner would rather I recover and he doesn't want to tolerate my ED indefinitely.
I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I should just die because of the burden I am to family and my partner. Then again, I've always been a burden.
Essentially, when I go to university, I know that I'll be planning my suicide there. I know that I'll probably have to get my hands on some inert gases, which I'm willing to do. But I need some more help on the set up like how do I get the mask to breathe it in, can I DIY this for relatively easy and low cost.
I don't want to traumatize people further by finding a mangled body. I just want them to see me almost in a peaceful state.
I don't know where I'm going with this ramble but... I hope someone hears me.
I'm willing to take constructive criticism... But.. I just hope I can get this out somewhere
Part of me believes that we could have a happy life together, but a part of me doesn't believe it. Yet, he has made me the happiest I've been in a while.
Honestly, my suicidal thoughts have diminished with some time but they're roaring back up. I don't see the point of continuing to exist with my eating disorder. Now please don't say "go to the ED clinic and recover". No.
Yes I've tried. But I can't cope with the resulting weight gain of recovery. Being underweight brings me more mental peace even at the cost of me being in physical pain
I don't know what to do. I can't exist with this ED. My partner would rather I recover and he doesn't want to tolerate my ED indefinitely.
I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I should just die because of the burden I am to family and my partner. Then again, I've always been a burden.
Essentially, when I go to university, I know that I'll be planning my suicide there. I know that I'll probably have to get my hands on some inert gases, which I'm willing to do. But I need some more help on the set up like how do I get the mask to breathe it in, can I DIY this for relatively easy and low cost.
I don't want to traumatize people further by finding a mangled body. I just want them to see me almost in a peaceful state.
I don't know where I'm going with this ramble but... I hope someone hears me.
I'm willing to take constructive criticism... But.. I just hope I can get this out somewhere
