Venting Should I be selfish and search for a partner even if I'm suicidal ?

[simonttt]

I'm doing quite ok for a suicidal person, I keep myself active, but I can't convince myself to try to find a partner and idk maybe later build a family. I think that the day I'm on the edge to have a child I would just CTB because having a child would be like living in a locked prison cell. The culpability of killing myself would be too high and the thought to not have that solution would destroy me, so CTB before this would be the only solution.

So I just stay alone and at least I can live in a relative peace knowing that CTB is an option.

As much as I want to have a partner I don't want to be a burden, but being alone makes me even more suicidal. I feel like having a partner would be selfish, as if I would you use them for my own sake even if it hurts them. is it impossible to move in a relationship while being suicidal, and should I accept it ? Is there a wrong and right thing to do in this situation ?

 

[bankai]

Me personally, I've been very much against this all my life. I'd rather be alone than involve someone else in my suffering. I think if you aren't happy but try to use someone else for your happiness, it's just not going to work out. You'll just be compounding your suffering and theirs. But again, this is my opinion. I'm also very much against having children. Yeah.

 

[guapogato]

it doesn't seem selfish to want a partner, for a lot of people that's just human nature even if you don't plan on being around anymore. I've been selfish in that way too as a lot of people have. sometimes it keeps you around longer, sometimes it doesn't. either way, even if you had a partner it's not your responsibility to stay around for them.. there's people out there who don't want to build an entire family either!! you don't have to be trapped after finding someone. even if you had kids, letting go of the guilt of wanting to CTB is necessary no matter what imo. you're still your own person no matter what your family or friend situation is. there's no right or wrong answer, you're not selfish for not wanting to be alone.

 

[Zaphkiel]

It's ok.
You might even suceed and find a new reason to live.