Venting I hate that I can't do easy, basic things

[dragonofenvy]

I need to go to the DMV to update my license so that I can eventually purchase a firearm to ctb with. I went on Tuesday but didn't have appropriate documents so I decided I'd get those and come back. I've had them since Wednesday but always woke up too late to go since the DMV closes by the time I am ready to be out the door. Today I woke up earlier to go but then decided "eh it's too windy I won't go."

What did he mean by this? What am I a fucking dumbass how the fuck is it too windy to drive? Man, those 15mph winds are really gonna push my car into the air at terminal velocity guess I better not go outside.

I always find an excuse to just not do anything. I opened my fridge today and I have the most single male fridge in the country. There are 2 boxes of soda, a bottle of vodka, and half a stick of butter (yes, specifically half a stick). You'd think a normal person would decide a long time ago that maybe they should go buy food but not this guy, no, I decided "it's okay I still have 2 ramen cups in my cupboard and some frozen fishsticks." Ah, yes that and the half stick of butter (and don't you dare forget about the butter) should be enough to last until spring I guess I won't go to the grocery store and buy anything I'll just eat this shitty food, and then starve. For god's sake, why do I always find an excuse to live like this?

Showering is a chore, shaving every day is like pushing a boulder up a hill and it's not like I'm even trying to impress anyone with it either considering that I always sit inside alone and nobody can see me anyway. I can't cook, I don't clean. I have every single checkbox for what you might think a degenerate is since I'm too caught up in feeling shitty about myself to do anything. I mean look what this damn post is what do you think I'm trying to do right now? I've felt like this my whole life always struggling to do this basic shit every day it's a miracle I even managed to move out of my parent's house. But now I'm feeling too shitty to even bother spending 6 clicks to apply to jobs online and I'm too lazy to take the steps to ctb so I guess I'm just gonna rot away for a while.

I just don't even understand how I am unable to do anything but feel sorry for myself and yet even that saps away all of my energy while other people can do so much more and barely be winded. What did I do to fuck things up for myself? I used to try to be the awesome go-getter but oh my god trying to be that while being a depressed piece of shit is impossible.

Does anybody else here struggle to do basic life tasks? Cause boy I sure do and that's why I want to be gone so badly.

 

[untothedepths]

Yeah, I really do. Depression hit me the hardest again...I'd like to say...3 years ago - only this time it stuck. I never disbelieved that depression could make someone 'lazy' but I definitely feel it now. I don't think its even being lazy, it's your stupid skull organ called your brain making your feel this way. And it's a vicious as hell cycle. The worst I feel is when I struggle to even so much as get out of bed. It sucks, and I wish you didn't have to go through that.

 

[BlazingBob]

I completely understand. My problem is a combination of physical chronic illness and mental illness. Neurrological conditions and me/cfs have left me basically incapacitated. Yesterday I took a shower for the first time in almost a month. The pungent stench emanating from my undercarriage region was so horrid I finally had to break down and take a shower and doing so really took a toll. Doing the simplest of things completely wipes me out. My biggest problem is that I'm not getting restorative sleep. Sleep is actually detrimental in my case. I wake up feeling like I ran a marathon, that's if I'm lucky to sleep at all with the diabolical insomnia I deal with. Luckily I can sleep a little with the help of medications but the sleep is shitty and fragmented. I have absolutely zero quality of life. I have so many things that need to be done. Just paying a bill or making a phone call seems like climbing Mt Everest. I also can't even get my shit together enough to get a firearm to put myself out of my misery. All that said, I beat myself up horribly and compare myself to others.

 

[tbroken]

I need to go to the DMV to update my license so that I can eventually purchase a firearm to ctb with. I went on Tuesday but didn't have appropriate documents so I decided I'd get those and come back. I've had them since Wednesday but always woke up too late to go since the DMV closes by the time I am ready to be out the door. Today I woke up earlier to go but then decided "eh it's too windy I won't go."

What did he mean by this? What am I a fucking dumbass how the fuck is it too windy to drive? Man, those 15mph winds are really gonna push my car into the air at terminal velocity guess I better not go outside.

I always find an excuse to just not do anything. I opened my fridge today and I have the most single male fridge in the country. There are 2 boxes of soda, a bottle of vodka, and half a stick of butter (yes, specifically half a stick). You'd think a normal person would decide a long time ago that maybe they should go buy food but not this guy, no, I decided "it's okay I still have 2 ramen cups in my cupboard and some frozen fishsticks." Ah, yes that and the half stick of butter (and don't you dare forget about the butter) should be enough to last until spring I guess I won't go to the grocery store and buy anything I'll just eat this shitty food, and then starve. For god's sake, why do I always find an excuse to live like this?

Showering is a chore, shaving every day is like pushing a boulder up a hill and it's not like I'm even trying to impress anyone with it either considering that I always sit inside alone and nobody can see me anyway. I can't cook, I don't clean. I have every single checkbox for what you might think a degenerate is since I'm too caught up in feeling shitty about myself to do anything. I mean look what this damn post is what do you think I'm trying to do right now? I've felt like this my whole life always struggling to do this basic shit every day it's a miracle I even managed to move out of my parent's house. But now I'm feeling too shitty to even bother spending 6 clicks to apply to jobs online and I'm too lazy to take the steps to ctb so I guess I'm just gonna rot away for a while.

I just don't even understand how I am unable to do anything but feel sorry for myself and yet even that saps away all of my energy while other people can do so much more and barely be winded. What did I do to fuck things up for myself? I used to try to be the awesome go-getter but oh my god trying to be that while being a depressed piece of shit is impossible.

Does anybody else here struggle to do basic life tasks? Cause boy I sure do and that's why I want to be gone so badly.

I have the same problem and in the past it was even stronger.
I became to be depressed when i had a serious injury when i was really young ( let's say 14 - 15 y) and it was not easy to heal. Plus i was too scared to speak it out: friends, parents, internet, everyone, and i just kept it inside. Then my life proceeded terribly slow till i healed that injury at 20y. I don't know why i was so stupid or i kept it inside, but i just had a lot of mistrust towards others and especially the environment i was born in.
From then on, it was far more easy for me to see negative aspects of life than positive ones.

I think that is depression that makes me act like you describe and i hate that. Because in youth i was really good in many things and also really motivated.
Depression sucks and i hate it.

 

[Ligottian]

I need to go to the DMV to update my license so that I can eventually purchase a firearm to ctb with. I went on Tuesday but didn't have appropriate documents so I decided I'd get those and come back. I've had them since Wednesday but always woke up too late to go since the DMV closes by the time I am ready to be out the door. Today I woke up earlier to go but then decided "eh it's too windy I won't go."

What did he mean by this? What am I a fucking dumbass how the fuck is it too windy to drive? Man, those 15mph winds are really gonna push my car into the air at terminal velocity guess I better not go outside.

I always find an excuse to just not do anything. I opened my fridge today and I have the most single male fridge in the country. There are 2 boxes of soda, a bottle of vodka, and half a stick of butter (yes, specifically half a stick). You'd think a normal person would decide a long time ago that maybe they should go buy food but not this guy, no, I decided "it's okay I still have 2 ramen cups in my cupboard and some frozen fishsticks." Ah, yes that and the half stick of butter (and don't you dare forget about the butter) should be enough to last until spring I guess I won't go to the grocery store and buy anything I'll just eat this shitty food, and then starve. For god's sake, why do I always find an excuse to live like this?

Showering is a chore, shaving every day is like pushing a boulder up a hill and it's not like I'm even trying to impress anyone with it either considering that I always sit inside alone and nobody can see me anyway. I can't cook, I don't clean. I have every single checkbox for what you might think a degenerate is since I'm too caught up in feeling shitty about myself to do anything. I mean look what this damn post is what do you think I'm trying to do right now? I've felt like this my whole life always struggling to do this basic shit every day it's a miracle I even managed to move out of my parent's house. But now I'm feeling too shitty to even bother spending 6 clicks to apply to jobs online and I'm too lazy to take the steps to ctb so I guess I'm just gonna rot away for a while.

I just don't even understand how I am unable to do anything but feel sorry for myself and yet even that saps away all of my energy while other people can do so much more and barely be winded. What did I do to fuck things up for myself? I used to try to be the awesome go-getter but oh my god trying to be that while being a depressed piece of shit is impossible.

Does anybody else here struggle to do basic life tasks? Cause boy I sure do and that's why I want to be gone so badly.

Absolutely! I feel as if I could have written most of this..

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Same. I'm pathetic.

 

[cyandude]

This touched me rather deeply wow, yeah, I feel totally the same. I feel as if I'm creating pathetic excuses to keep on going with my pathetic life when the answer is right ahead of me, I should just CTB and quit trying because it's just further humiliation, suffering and pain. it sucks dude, life is inherently depressing.

 

[Dayrain]

while other people can do so much more and barely be winded

I can't understand this too.

 

[lnlybnny]

Does anybody else here struggle to do basic life tasks? Cause boy I sure do and that's why I want to be gone so badly.

Very much so, I do basic things like chores because I don't live on my own and I like things to be clean. But doing things like studying and searching for jobs is extremely excruciating, today for example I wasn't able to do anything, I just scrolled through this forum and that's it. My life has been like this for years and I don't really have energy to change. It's one of the main reasons I want to ctb, I'm not able to function as a normal human is expected to and it crushes me

 

[divinemistress36]

Everything is so damn exhausting from showering to even just brushing your teeth

 

[dragonofenvy]

even just brushing your teeth

God my fucking dentist hates me so much because I consume a solid 1300% of the daily value of sugar you're supposed to consume and maybe if I'm lucky brush my teeth like, once every two or three days. They tell me "you need to start flossing and brushing more so we don't have to keep filling cavities" and I just tell them "yeah, well, you can tell me that all you want but the problem is making me care enough."

 

[sserafim]

I don't even have the energy to do the mundane tasks required of life. I never understood how normal people were able to balance so many things, like are they superhuman or something? I don't know how people can manage so much on their plate. I think that I simply have less spoons of energy than other people, so I get burnt out easily. I've been in a state of burnout after college, I failed to launch into the real world, but I didn't want to enter it anyways. I think that having to work and go to a job every day would be exhausting. I also think that I'm a pretty fragile person. I was pretty sheltered growing up, but I have to admit that I'm just a soft person. I can't withstand that much as other people, and I crack under pressure.

 

[Ligottian]

I wake up every day wondering "What will go wrong today?"

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I can hardly do basic arithmetic anymore.

I cannot count backwards as of this year, i literally cannot remember the numbers said to me, my brain struggles to place them around.

My brain is dying quicker than my body..

 

[Ligottian]

I can hardly do basic arithmetic anymore.

I cannot count backwards as of this year, i literally cannot remember the numbers said to me, my brain struggles to place them around.

My brain is dying quicker than my body..

If I my ask, how old are you? I'm almost 64, and am starting to lose some cognitive ability.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

If I my ask, how old are you? I'm almost 64, and am starting to lose some cognitive ability.

turned 26 bud, by the time i reach your age if i even do, ill probably be a chicken nugget in mental capacity

 

[Ligottian]

turned 26 bud, by the time i reach your age if i even do, ill probably be a chicken nugget in mental capacity

Aging sucks, no doubt. Let no one tell you it doesn't.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Aging sucks, no doubt. Let no one tell you it doesn't.

aint that the truth dude, i've noticed illnesses stick around longer with me even though im physical fitter than ever.

man what a weird place this world is haha

 

[wait.what]

I'm no better. The last 15 years or so have been a nosedive into hopelessness and uselessness for me. I always think that things can't get much worse, and then they do.

A couple years ago I was living with relatives who didn't want me there, and just getting physically and mentally sicker. I've since been moved to an institution where, ironically, they actually treat me with a great deal more respect. However, now that I don't have to drag myself up and down staircases, fighting to keep up with the most basic life activities, I've largely lost the ability. Maybe I was going to anyway. It did sort of look like that. But also, if you don't use it, you lose it. I have my doubts as to whether I will ever again be able to live in a situation that doesn't involve someone paying people to deal with me. Some members of my family have money, but nobody has "wait.what lives to be 80" type money.

I really need to scrape together the energy and funds to get myself an escape key … I mean, firearm. Most institutions for people like me are horror shows. I was in one briefly…you'd hear voices of old people crying out for help over and over from behind the doors of their rooms. Usually they'd eventually go silent without anyone coming. Call buttons were often broken or ignored, and crying for help always was. I was bedridden at the time, so I kind of needed staff to show up occasionally. Eventually I figured out I could call the facility's central help desk (at another location) from my cell phone, and that would shake loose a staff person. One of them yelled at me about it, saying it made it look like she wasn't doing her job. (You?? Not doing your job?? Madness!) After that, I tried to get a friend or family member to call the central desk, because it's not like staff could do anything to them. About one person per week was removed in a body bag. I actually think it was natural causes, perhaps sped up slightly by neglect and despair. It's just pathetic these folks had to spend their last weeks alone, begging for help that never came.

I'm not usually in a setting like that—I ended up there because I'd managed to get squished by a car. Not even on purpose. But that caliber of place is where I go if my relatives decide they can't or won't pay for where I live now, and I have to rely on Medicare alone.

Have gun. Will travel.

(Sorry I kind of went off topic there … I'm supposed to be putting together these undersink organizer things so I don't have random shit stacked everywhere in my kitchen and bathroom. I've been trying to start construction for 3 nights now. There. Discussion un-derailed.)

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Me without Adderall:


Me on Adderall:

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Everything is incredibly exhausting to me. I can't even make long-form posts really.