I am a 173cm tall man (amab) weighing 56kg. Every calorie that I consume comes with the pain of realization that this calorie will contribute to make me fatter. I am already fat, skinny fat.
Hair grows all over my body. I try to shave it when I can and irritate my skin, especially my legs and pubes, which bring me further insecurity.
My fingers are incredibly average for somebody whose motor skills have been shaped by a ton of piano lessons at a very young age. They don't look attractively long or anything.
My head hair is horrid. I grow it out and it's not even shoulder length after so long. No barber has been able to give me the haircut that I want, because I seek a haircut that would make me more handsome, but a haircut can't fix my problems.
My posture is wild. I am not diagnosed with scoliosis or any spine problem at all (because I don't have any) but I struggle, still.
My face overall? Fucking ugly. My eyes are always half shut, either due to sleepiness, depressive ideation (mood), or literally anything else - that is simply my resting face, and it makes everything so much worse.
My glasses add a bit of dimension and volume to my face, but they also make me uglier. I don't fucking know how. And I can totally live without glasses, my vision is not *that* bad.
My body image is at an all time low.
I was hanging out with my friends the other day and I was really eager to take some photos with them because they are the people that I love the most and I don't have any decent photos of myself, neither solo or with them. We took some photos and when I was looking back, I was looking at a creepily ugly half-shut eyes face attempting to silghtly smile, a posture that is somehow leaning a bit sideways like I'm trying to be Michael Jackson, and I'm just standing noticeably farther from my friends than they are from each other - not because I'm third (fourth? fifth?) wheeling, but because I don't want to accidentally infringe upon the personal space of my friends. At all, ever. Especially because they are of the opposite gender. I am aromantic and I love physical touch, but with how I behave in an almost autistical approach to ALWAYS provide breathing room, even when we are taking FUCKING PHOTOS, I am making myself feel infinitely worse. And it is amplified when I remember that I am of the opposite gender, which means that for the past 6 years I have been caging in myself my desire to declare my love for physical touch and hugs.
I hate myself and I am finally being able to put into words what exactly I hate about my body. Just adding to my reasons why to commit suicide, thankfully. And I didn't even begin to elaborate on my anxious attachment style. Fucking hell.
Hair grows all over my body. I try to shave it when I can and irritate my skin, especially my legs and pubes, which bring me further insecurity.
My fingers are incredibly average for somebody whose motor skills have been shaped by a ton of piano lessons at a very young age. They don't look attractively long or anything.
My head hair is horrid. I grow it out and it's not even shoulder length after so long. No barber has been able to give me the haircut that I want, because I seek a haircut that would make me more handsome, but a haircut can't fix my problems.
My posture is wild. I am not diagnosed with scoliosis or any spine problem at all (because I don't have any) but I struggle, still.
My face overall? Fucking ugly. My eyes are always half shut, either due to sleepiness, depressive ideation (mood), or literally anything else - that is simply my resting face, and it makes everything so much worse.
My glasses add a bit of dimension and volume to my face, but they also make me uglier. I don't fucking know how. And I can totally live without glasses, my vision is not *that* bad.
My body image is at an all time low.
I was hanging out with my friends the other day and I was really eager to take some photos with them because they are the people that I love the most and I don't have any decent photos of myself, neither solo or with them. We took some photos and when I was looking back, I was looking at a creepily ugly half-shut eyes face attempting to silghtly smile, a posture that is somehow leaning a bit sideways like I'm trying to be Michael Jackson, and I'm just standing noticeably farther from my friends than they are from each other - not because I'm third (fourth? fifth?) wheeling, but because I don't want to accidentally infringe upon the personal space of my friends. At all, ever. Especially because they are of the opposite gender. I am aromantic and I love physical touch, but with how I behave in an almost autistical approach to ALWAYS provide breathing room, even when we are taking FUCKING PHOTOS, I am making myself feel infinitely worse. And it is amplified when I remember that I am of the opposite gender, which means that for the past 6 years I have been caging in myself my desire to declare my love for physical touch and hugs.
I hate myself and I am finally being able to put into words what exactly I hate about my body. Just adding to my reasons why to commit suicide, thankfully. And I didn't even begin to elaborate on my anxious attachment style. Fucking hell.
