Venting idk why i look forward to summer every year.

[elpurp]

i'm currently spending it the same way i've been spending the last few: lonely. depressed. addicted to porn and sh. only difference is i can add weed to the addictions now.

it always starts out promising too, i hangout with friends a few times before i eventually just give up bc texts start to go unread. and i'm the lame, single, lonely friend who still wants to hangout and do stuff, knowing damn well almost all of my friends are taken and prolly wanna spend that time with their partner, and the ones who aren't don't wanna hear abt how depressed i am bc ppl leave when u do that.

idk, i'm kinda at a crossroads between deciding to ctb or stay bc besides porn, i don't have a reason to be here. all my friends and family say they care and they'd be sad if i was gone but i know i'm nothing but a statistic in the grand scheme of things and they'll eventually forget about me anyways.

 

[countdowntoecstasy]

I look forward to summer all the time too. It's my favorite season but it's always a letdown. Your friends probably wouldn't forget about you whether or not they care. Suicide is something that sticks with people, sadly.

 

[Doll Steak]

I get that, I wasn't even excited for summer like everyone else seems to be cause I know what to expect every time. Just more loneliness, isolation, addictions, trying to keep myself company. Despite this I'm not in a rush to CTB yet I don't think, there are still a couple things I want to experience before I go.

My family also says the same to me, that they care, but its hard to believe when they just say THAT and do nothing else. I know as soon as I'm gone suddenly everyone will care, suddenly it will all matter, suddenly they will wish they could be there for me, but whatever...

I hope something can better for you, It doesn't sound like you're that old yet, still a couple things you could do maybe.

 

[beandigger404]

i'm currently spending it the same way i've been spending the last few: lonely. depressed. addicted to porn and sh. only difference is i can add weed to the addictions now.

it always starts out promising too, i hangout with friends a few times before i eventually just give up bc texts start to go unread. and i'm the lame, single, lonely friend who still wants to hangout and do stuff, knowing damn well almost all of my friends are taken and prolly wanna spend that time with their partner, and the ones who aren't don't wanna hear abt how depressed i am bc ppl leave when u do that.

idk, i'm kinda at a crossroads between deciding to ctb or stay bc besides porn, i don't have a reason to be here. all my friends and family say they care and they'd be sad if i was gone but i know i'm nothing but a statistic in the grand scheme of things and they'll eventually forget about me anyways.

I relate to like everything you've said here. I always hype up and romanticize summer and tell myself I'm going to hang out with my friends and have tons of fun, but my mental health just dips and I self-destruct. Can't even swim if I wanted to because of the sh cuts take all summer to heal. I just stay locked up in my room watching gore and cutting myself. Doesn't help that I still live with my parents, I'm unemployed, and I'm flunking uni because of my mental health. However, suicide isn't going to fix all of that, even as hopeless as everything seems. You aren't alone here, and things have the capacity to change. But only if you decide to stick around

 

[bl33ding_heart]

i'm currently spending it the same way i've been spending the last few: lonely. depressed. addicted to porn and sh. only difference is i can add weed to the addictions now.

it always starts out promising too, i hangout with friends a few times before i eventually just give up bc texts start to go unread. and i'm the lame, single, lonely friend who still wants to hangout and do stuff, knowing damn well almost all of my friends are taken and prolly wanna spend that time with their partner, and the ones who aren't don't wanna hear abt how depressed i am bc ppl leave when u do that.

idk, i'm kinda at a crossroads between deciding to ctb or stay bc besides porn, i don't have a reason to be here. all my friends and family say they care and they'd be sad if i was gone but i know i'm nothing but a statistic in the grand scheme of things and they'll eventually forget about me anyways.

Me too. Even though I spend my time being lonely and depressed every summer. Summer just has some weird happy esque to it.