Venting I Hate Myself

[niceoofie]

I hate myself.
I hate how mentally weak I am.
I hate how I'm not as bright as my friends.
I hate how my classmates judge me for not being as smart as them.
I hate having so much stress and pressure from school.
I hate that I cry so easily from failing a quiz or test.
I hate caring about my grades so much.
I hate being forced to be a straight-A student.
I hate having a mean, conservative Asian family who insults how dumb I am and compares me to my friends and relatives.
I hate people telling me that good grades are worth it to get a good job.
Wouldn't working a job also be very stressful?
Life seems to be an endless cycle of work, suffer, sleep, and repeat.
Why should I bother living when all I do is work until I die?
I hate living.
Only the thought of suicide has given me peace.
The thought of suicide gives me some control over my life.
Death would come as a relief to me.

 

[ToxoGondii]

I hate myself.
I hate how mentally weak I am.
I hate how I'm not as bright as my friends.
I hate how my classmates judge me for not being as smart as them.
I hate having so much stress and pressure from school.
I hate that I cry so easily from failing a quiz or test.
I hate caring about my grades so much.
I hate being forced to be a straight-A student.
I hate having a mean, conservative Asian family who insults how dumb I am and compares me to my friends and relatives.
I hate people telling me that good grades are worth it to get a good job.
Wouldn't working a job also be very stressful?
Life seems to be an endless cycle of work, suffer, sleep, and repeat.
Why should I bother living when all I do is work until I die?
I hate living.
Only the thought of suicide has given me peace.
The thought of suicide gives me some control over my life.
Death would come as a relief to me.

if you truly believe only death can relieve you then I believe you should do it, but please think carefully. It's just cruel to see people struggle like this due to a controlling society telling them there is no way out and they should just deal with it. Life is filled with pain and suffering, if you don't think you can manage that then there's no point in trying anymore, but if you can still see a bit of light then there is hope. Save yourself the pain kiddo

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see death as being the only relief, I understand why you'd feel so relieved at the thought of no longer existing here. It truly is something so dreadful having to suffer in this futile existence that just leads to nothing and nowhere other than one decaying from age just to cease existing anyway, I also hate existing.

 

[niceoofie]

if you truly believe only death can relieve you then I believe you should do it. It's just cruel to see people struggle like this due to a controlling society telling them there is no way out and they should just deal with it. Life is filled with pain and suffering, if you don't think you can manage that then there's no point in trying anymore. Save yourself the pain kiddo

Thank you for replying to me. It means a lot. My family just thinks I am too mentally weak to not be able to handle the pain and suffering. They're like "Everyone can deal with it, so why can't you?" Are they in the right? :(

 

[Agon321]

I hate myself.
I hate how mentally weak I am.
I hate how I'm not as bright as my friends.
I hate how my classmates judge me for not being as smart as them.
I hate having so much stress and pressure from school.
I hate that I cry so easily from failing a quiz or test.
I hate caring about my grades so much.
I hate being forced to be a straight-A student.
I hate having a mean, conservative Asian family who insults how dumb I am and compares me to my friends and relatives.
I hate people telling me that good grades are worth it to get a good job.
Wouldn't working a job also be very stressful?
Life seems to be an endless cycle of work, suffer, sleep, and repeat.
Why should I bother living when all I do is work until I die?
I hate living.
Only the thought of suicide has given me peace.
The thought of suicide gives me some control over my life.
Death would come as a relief to me.

If I may ask, are you from South Korea or Japan? To my knowledge, in these countries there is a lot of pressure from society to graduate from a good school and find a good job. This post shows that you are a sensitive person. Unfortunately, in this World rat race, sensitive people are on the losing end. Best regards and I sympathize with the situation.

 

[ToxoGondii]

Thank you for replying to me. It means a lot. My family just thinks I am too mentally weak to not be able to handle the pain and suffering. They're like "Everyone can deal with it, so why can't you?" Are they in the right? :(

no no, alot of people can't deal with the pain, you're not alone. I know what it feels like to be in such a position. But even though life is suffering, maybe you can still find some good in it? I suggest you don't try to do anything just yet, sometimes all you need is more time. You'll know what is the right thing to do when you're ready.

 

[アホペンギン]

Thank you for replying to me. It means a lot. My family just thinks I am too mentally weak to not be able to handle the pain and suffering. They're like "Everyone can deal with it, so why can't you?" Are they in the right? :(

No, they're not right. No one is the same, no one can handle things the same way. People tolerate things differently and it shouldn't be assumed that its the opposite of that. Don't worry about them.

 

[niceoofie]

If I may ask, are you from South Korea or Japan? To my knowledge, in these countries there is a lot of pressure from society to graduate from a good school and find a good job. This post shows that you are a sensitive person. Unfortunately, in this World rat race, sensitive people are on the losing end. Best regards and I sympathize with the situation.

I am actually from America. It is just that the high school I go to has mostly Asian students. They are all competing with each other to be the best of the best. My family expects me to also be competitive and go to a good college such as a UC. They said I will bring them shame if I go to a community college and do not have a good job like a doctor or lawyer. I can not meet their high expectations. My family and my academics have just caused my depression to be even worse.

I feel great pity for the students in South Korea and Japan. They seem to have it worse than me, so I feel like my problems are so minor compared to them. I'm sorry.

 

[Agon321]

I am actually from America. It is just that the high school I go to has mostly Asian students. They are all competing with each other to be the best of the best. My family expects me to also be competitive and go to a good college such as a UC. They said I will bring them shame if I go to a community college and do not have a good job like a doctor or lawyer. I can not meet their high expectations. My family and my academics have just caused my depression to be even worse.

I feel great pity for the students in South Korea and Japan. They seem to have it worse than me, so I feel like my problems are so minor compared to them. I'm sorry.

I don't see any reason why you should apologize. Someone else's problems don't suddenly make yours less important. Unfortunately, parents who want to pass on their ambitions to their children is quite a common problem. Some people don't understand that someone may have different predispositions, desires, hobbies, whatever. I guess trying to please everyone around you makes everything more tiring for you. Unfortunately, you are the victim in all this, because your happiness takes a backseat. As I wrote, the rat race is a drain on our psyche.

 

[Excentricqueer]

I hate myself.
I hate how mentally weak I am.
I hate how I'm not as bright as my friends.
I hate how my classmates judge me for not being as smart as them.
I hate having so much stress and pressure from school.
I hate that I cry so easily from failing a quiz or test.
I hate caring about my grades so much.
I hate being forced to be a straight-A student.
I hate having a mean, conservative Asian family who insults how dumb I am and compares me to my friends and relatives.
I hate people telling me that good grades are worth it to get a good job.
Wouldn't working a job also be very stressful?
Life seems to be an endless cycle of work, suffer, sleep, and repeat.
Why should I bother living when all I do is work until I die?
I hate living.
Only the thought of suicide has given me peace.
The thought of suicide gives me some control over my life.
Death would come as a relief to me.

I'm sorry for what you're going through I feel ya

 

[nivis...]

I hate myself.
I hate how mentally weak I am.
I hate how I'm not as bright as my friends.
I hate how my classmates judge me for not being as smart as them.
I hate having so much stress and pressure from school.
I hate that I cry so easily from failing a quiz or test.
I hate caring about my grades so much.
I hate being forced to be a straight-A student.
I hate having a mean, conservative Asian family who insults how dumb I am and compares me to my friends and relatives.
I hate people telling me that good grades are worth it to get a good job.
Wouldn't working a job also be very stressful?
Life seems to be an endless cycle of work, suffer, sleep, and repeat.
Why should I bother living when all I do is work until I die?
I hate living.
Only the thought of suicide has given me peace.
The thought of suicide gives me some control over my life.
Death would come as a relief to me.

Awh, pat pat. don't hate yourself, youre not weak, youre definitely not dumb either!