I hate myself so much it hurts

[SanguineShark]

I don't know how to feel good about myself, I don't believe I'm worth it
I am nice and I love people because they deserve it, I provide it for them
I don't understand why people think it makes me worth something
I'm unlovable, and anyone who thinks differently is someone I manipulated into believing that because of how much I self-sacrifice and try my best to be kind and nice
All I see is this gigantic hill of "healing everything that's so deeply wrong about me"
And I'm supposed to want to climb it
But it's hard
Because I don't live for myself
And I'm becoming tired of living for others when I feel like I'm ultimately not worth keeping around, and living in itself is not worth it either
I'm becoming actively suicidal more often, for over half a year now, I don't think I have much time left living, and honestly? I'm happy about that

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry for your suffering.

 

[Return2themoonlight]

I feel you whole heartedly because im exactly the same. I pray you eventually find the peace you desire.

 

[SanguineShark]

I feel you whole heartedly because im exactly the same. I pray you eventually find the peace you desire.

thank you, I really wish I was in peace

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

I don't know how to feel good about myself, I don't believe I'm worth it
I am nice and I love people because they deserve it, I provide it for them
I don't understand why people think it makes me worth something
I'm unlovable, and anyone who thinks differently is someone I manipulated into believing that because of how much I self-sacrifice and try my best to be kind and nice
All I see is this gigantic hill of "healing everything that's so deeply wrong about me"
And I'm supposed to want to climb it
But it's hard
Because I don't live for myself
And I'm becoming tired of living for others when I feel like I'm ultimately not worth keeping around, and living in itself is not worth it either
I'm becoming actively suicidal more often, for over half a year now, I don't think I have much time left living, and honestly? I'm happy about that

The plus side of it all Jynx is that you look increasingly set to be alive for Arcane season 2

 

[Unknown21]

The plus side of it all Jynx is that you look increasingly set to be alive for Arcane season 2

I think it'll release in November, i won't watch it unfortunately.

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

I think it'll release in November, i won't watch it unfortunately.

Planning on catching a bullet first?

 

[Unknown21]

Planning on catching a bullet first?

Have you set a date?

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

Have you set a date?

I'm guided by the SN. It's on order and I'm waiting first to see if it clears customs.

 

[SanguineShark]

The plus side of it all Jynx is that you look increasingly set to be alive for Arcane season 2

that's true, though prolonging suffering due to some temporary pleasure is kinda sad
I got some temporary will to survive bc my favorite band is going to have a concert this summer

 

[Linda]

The Ancient Greeks had a very wise saying: Pan metron ariston. Roughly speaking, it means "All things in moderation". Don't live your life entirely for yourself. Don't live it entirely for other people. You can do a bit of both, and you will probably be happier if you do.

 

[JimmyPage]

The Ancient Greeks had a very wise saying: Pan metron ariston. Roughly speaking, it means "All things in moderation". Don't live your life entirely for yourself. Don't live it entirely for other people. You can do a bit of both, and you will probably be happier if you do.

Wise words indeed.

 

[SanguineShark]

The Ancient Greeks had a very wise saying: Pan metron ariston. Roughly speaking, it means "All things in moderation". Don't live your life entirely for yourself. Don't live it entirely for other people. You can do a bit of both, and you will probably be happier if you do.

Thank you for the well-meant words, sadly it's complicated for me, I feel stuck between wanting to die (which is what I want) and living for others (it's the only reason I'm not dead), I struggle to even imagine what wanting to live feels like

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

I'm sorry that you too, hate yourself. Although I don't know your circumstances and why you hate yourself, I completely relate because I have hated myself for decades. Actually hate is an huge understatement. I'm sending you hugs right now.

 

[VoidedExistence]

I hate myself and have no self worth for myself. I have to always do things for others because what else do I have for myself, nothing, I am all useless and worthless. I am also tired of living while others benefit from me more than I do myself.

 

[AllAlone]

I wish I could live for others. I always thought that if I could mean something to someone it would give me the will to live. Unfortunately I'm a worthless loser who can't do anything right who makes the world a worse place by existing. So the best way for me to help people is to die so that I stop bothering people and using up resources.

 

[february in alaska]

This is painfully relatable, especially that bit about feeling like you've manipulated people into liking you. It makes it impossible to believe people when they say anything good about you and it's the worst self fulfilling prophecy when they don't

Virtual hugs for you stranger. This shit isn't easy

 

[Aim]

Same, or I hate my mental health the most. Sorry you feel this way. You are probably a Lovely person underneath it all.