I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO PATHETIC

[Unattainable666]

I feel exactly the way I did when I fucked up a a kid. When my wonderful, loving (NOT) mother would tell me how useless I was; how stupid I was and how worthless I was. Who the hell tells their own kid that shit? She did - she did for 17 years - that's all I heard. By the time I was able to get away from her the damage was done. I believed every word, I had her in my head - I still do. I made a huge mistake recently it pushed me to attempt ctb. I hate myself so much for allowing people to hurt me, abuse me emotionally, mentally and physically and to finally reject me. Even as an adult it brings back all the heartless words she said to me all those years and now I have taken up the reins for her and berate myself. I just wanted someone to care about me. I fucking hate myself, I hate my failures, I hate the rejection. I don't want to live.

 

[lostforever77]

I completely understand what you have been through I have been through very similar. Even wth my wife leaving me, she could be very abusive, she would tell me how I could never be a "Alpha Male". She is right, I can't, and I don't plan on living to much longer anyway. I wish I could tell you how to over come long term psychological abuse, I really wish I could, but clearly I have not figured it out. Maybe in the next life *cheers*

 

[Sandy9]

I'm so sorry. I completely feel a similar kind of way. I've become so accustomed to abusive and toxic behavior by those around me to where I now have no idea how to interact or form connections with other people normally. No advice to give, but you have my sympathies.