Venting i hate myself and my life

[melonhead88]

i took a break from here as i thought i was getting better and i felt better. today i was reminded with how fucking miserable i have truly become lol. i'm so alone. my biggest regret is my relationship. he was dating one of my friends when he told me how he felt about me. i had always liked him too and never thought about the consequences. he and i perused it. all of my friends stopped speaking to me. in some ways i feel that he took my friends from me, even though it's my fault.

two years on and i now have no friends and if i left the relationship i'd have no one at all.

he makes me feel so small and stupid and i feel so low all the time. i hate our flat he's so messy and disgusting and i feel as though i resent him. we went on s break and i hurt so bad and i wanted him back. now i think i shouldn't have come back.

it's so hard because i love him i really do. he can just be so cruel.

i want to die though i think about it all the time.
it's all i want. i just don't know how or when. how do i get over the initial fear and just f*cling do it

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be awful being stuck in that situation, it certainly is tiring feeling trapped in an existence that you hate. I think that those who manage to go through with it find a method that they feel confident in and they just get so determined to leave, I envy those who are now free from this horrible world especially as suicide is so unnecessarily difficult. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

That sounds awful. I think before you ctb you should explore getting away from him. You don't deserve to be treated that way.