sadlyexisting
Missing the good times
- Jun 26, 2023
- 102
I don't know what to do anymore. My mind is spinning constantly, and I can't seem to stop thinking. The only time I can get some kind of peace is when I am out in nature, but even then I can't help picturing myself dying right there. My mind seems to be fixated on death. I imagine myself dying in various ways nearly every second, and even when I don't, I think about some kind of harmful thing happening to me.
I just can't think about good things happening to me, or about anything positive in general. I can only see the negative aspects about everything, and it makes me sick. All I want is to be able to enjoy things without overthinking or fearing it, but my mind just doesn't allow me to. I feel like I am trapped inside my own head, without a chance of escaping these thoughts.
I can't do anything to distract my head from these constant negative thoughts, either. I've had such thoughts since my childhood, but they've been intensifying a lot over these past few weeks, and I genuinely feel like I am losing my mind. Every single day, I am lying in my bed, drowning in self-hatred and negativity.
The only time I leave the house is to go to university or somewhere with my parents, even though that's already difficult for me. Lately I've also been having problems with eating, that I never had before. I mean, I was always someone who didn't eat much, but now I don't even have the motivation to eat. I don't want to do anything besides dying.
My smoking has also gotten much worse recently, and on top of that I relapsed yesterday, after almost 10 months clean of self-harming. I feel like I am slowly losing all connection with life.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I've just been writing all my current thoughts down. I just really hate myself and my mind.
I just can't think about good things happening to me, or about anything positive in general. I can only see the negative aspects about everything, and it makes me sick. All I want is to be able to enjoy things without overthinking or fearing it, but my mind just doesn't allow me to. I feel like I am trapped inside my own head, without a chance of escaping these thoughts.
I can't do anything to distract my head from these constant negative thoughts, either. I've had such thoughts since my childhood, but they've been intensifying a lot over these past few weeks, and I genuinely feel like I am losing my mind. Every single day, I am lying in my bed, drowning in self-hatred and negativity.
The only time I leave the house is to go to university or somewhere with my parents, even though that's already difficult for me. Lately I've also been having problems with eating, that I never had before. I mean, I was always someone who didn't eat much, but now I don't even have the motivation to eat. I don't want to do anything besides dying.
My smoking has also gotten much worse recently, and on top of that I relapsed yesterday, after almost 10 months clean of self-harming. I feel like I am slowly losing all connection with life.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I've just been writing all my current thoughts down. I just really hate myself and my mind.
