Venting I hate how old people make me feel inferior.

[Someplace_nice]

I'm so fucking tired of old fucks telling me how to be a house wife. When I first moved in with my husband I told his mom that I didn't know how to cook too much bc I always burn things, she offered me to cook and added, "I cook so he can come home to a warm home cooked meal." When she saw that he was cooking and helping me clean she would say how she doesn't let him do chores or cook bc he works all day and deserves to relax after. Ofc when he was at work, she would always make me feel horrible for making him help me with the kitchen full of dishes every night. When we moved out it was hard to let him help me with chores bc of her, I never had a second thought about cooking bc its hard to say he didn't want to cook when he took so much pride in what he makes and how he smiles when he cooks. I just got off the phone with my mom and she was telling me that I give him too much chores and that I gotta remember that he works all day. Just bc the chores are now split evenly now, I was getting overwhelmed with dishes bc our kitchen is so tiny so 10 dishes looks like 100. I'm not %100 with the chores bc I feel bad bc of his mom and now my mom, I had just gotten comfortable with him doing dishes in week days and asking him for help with them when I needed it, but I feel like a horrible wife for even listening to my husbands demands to even out the chores. Chores shouldn't be 20 80 they should be as even as they can get, but according to every old person I'm just a bad house wife. His chores aren't even big just cat boxes vacuum and clean microwave bc it's really high up.

 

[F@#$]

I hate how young people make me feel old.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not so important as to what both sets of Mums are saying. It's what he feels that matters. If he enjoys helping out with cooking, dish washing etc. then, great. If he's starting to feel annoyed by it though then, maybe you need to work things out.

I think you need to fully consider whether this is something he will be happy/ content with. Some partners will step up and take on the lion's share of work/ chores but others may start to resent it.

I'm finding domestic shit awful to force myself to do so, I can sympathise. It's just me putting up with it and I work so, I can let things go to a certain degree without people knowing and nagging me for it. But, it's difficult. I do sympathise. I expect I would feel more obliged if I lived with others. I guess that's partly why I'm glad I don't! Sorry though. It's horrible to feel judged.

 

[TBONTB]

Old person here! Just finished the lunch my husband made me.

So, ignore them. It's not their life, it's not their generation (said as an old person). You and your person should figure out how you divide work. Don't for a minute think their opinions are correct, they are just their opinions. (And yes, us old people do feel our opinions are correct!)

What you could benefit from is a standard, polite line you can use whenever you are getting useless advice. Something like "I appreciate your thoughts, but Chris and I will work through this together. I'd prefer we not discuss my household chores when we talk" Or simply "thanks for sharing your thoughts"

Politely repeat, politely repeat, politely repeat.

You have better things to do than worry about this!!

 

[Linda]

I'm so fucking tired of old fucks telling me how to be a house wife. When I first moved in with my husband I told his mom that I didn't know how to cook too much bc I always burn things, she offered me to cook and added, "I cook so he can come home to a warm home cooked meal." When she saw that he was cooking and helping me clean she would say how she doesn't let him do chores or cook bc he works all day and deserves to relax after. Ofc when he was at work, she would always make me feel horrible for making him help me with the kitchen full of dishes every night. When we moved out it was hard to let him help me with chores bc of her, I never had a second thought about cooking bc its hard to say he didn't want to cook when he took so much pride in what he makes and how he smiles when he cooks. I just got off the phone with my mom and she was telling me that I give him too much chores and that I gotta remember that he works all day. Just bc the chores are now split evenly now, I was getting overwhelmed with dishes bc our kitchen is so tiny so 10 dishes looks like 100. I'm not %100 with the chores bc I feel bad bc of his mom and now my mom, I had just gotten comfortable with him doing dishes in week days and asking him for help with them when I needed it, but I feel like a horrible wife for even listening to my husbands demands to even out the chores. Chores shouldn't be 20 80 they should be as even as they can get, but according to every old person I'm just a bad house wife. His chores aren't even big just cat boxes vacuum and clean microwave bc it's really high up.

Tell his mother that if she wants to marry your husband that's her business. But so long as she is not married to him and you are, you - not her - and your husband will decide how your marriage functions. You can try to phrase it politely, but make it clear that you mean what you say. You have to stand up to this woman.

But do take care to play fair with your husband. If he is working longer hours than you, it would not be fair to expect him to do half of the housework. He should do some, but you need to work out an arrangement that both of you accept as fair.

 

[Someplace_nice]

Tell his mother that if she wants to marry your husband that's her business. But so long as she is not married to him and you are, you - not her - and your husband will decide how your marriage functions. You can try to phrase it politely, but make it clear that you mean what you say. You have to stand up to this woman.

But do take care to play fair with your husband. If he is working longer hours than you, it would not be fair to expect him to do half of the housework. He should do some, but you need to work out an arrangement that both of you accept as fair.

We don't talk to his mother anymore, we stopped when we moved out of that trailer, that she didn't even pay for. As for the work load for my husband, he loves to help me, he's been wanting to even out the chores since I moved in with him. I see a lot of people miss this part in my post, or maybe I didn't say it but, he hated how I did more chores than him just bc he worked and I didn't. I'm a stay at home wife so I have a lot of time on my hands, like rn I'm the one packing and he'll be the one moving most of the boxes, mainly bc of my bone density, but he likes to do what he can is my point.