Venting I hate how my brain is like

[ijustwishtodie]

There are two ways in how I hate the way my brain is like. I learnt of the first way just today but I knew the second way all of my life. The first way is being addicted to life and the second way is my brain being autistic and extremely sensitive to suffering.

Now then, let me actually clarify as to what I mean by the first way as, when I use the word "addicted", I'm merely referring to the cycle of chasing something over and over again instead of actually enjoying the thing I'm chasing. When people talk about addictions, they tend to refer to something that they like such as social media or drugs or whatever but, in my case, there's nothing in life that I like yet I now consider myself to be addicted to it. I guess I should clarify that I learnt about this from a youtuber called "efil blaise" in this video: .

The reason why I consider myself as being "addicted" to life is because, instead of dedicating time to killing myself, I waste my time on anything else in life that doesn't help me kill myself such as university work or random youtube videos and so forth. I know and can rationally say that, if I were to die now even via a horrific and brutal method, it'd be far, far, far better and more of a win overall than having to suffer for 7 more decades of life and subsequently die horrifically to old age instead. I know that rationally but my brain is primitive and only focuses on receiving short term comfort by avoiding suicide (since suicide is uncomfortable and terrifying) instead of focusing on the win caused by killing myself. At the end of the day, only one thing in life is important to me and that's to end it.

I believe that @pthnrdnojvsc was trying to say this all this time but I couldn't understand them since I never considered myself as somebody who could be "addicted" to anything, yet alone life. But now I understand. I finally understand and I hate acknowledging this as it means I also have to acknowledge how shitty the human brain is and how it sucks at reacting to the long term gains and instead prioritises short term comfort.

Edit: if anybody else knows a good youtuber like efil blaise, please let me know here. The video of his that I linked is giving me so much comfort due to how rational and realistic he is about life. If anybody knows any other youtubers who also rationally talk about life (with perhaps an antinatalist/promortalist view), share it here

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

There are two ways in how I hate the way my brain is like. I learnt of the first way just today but I knew the second way all of my life. The first way is being addicted to life and the second way is my brain being autistic and extremely sensitive to suffering.

Now then, let me actually clarify as to what I mean by the first way as, when I use the word "addicted", I'm merely referring to the cycle of chasing something over and over again instead of actually enjoying the thing I'm chasing. When people talk about addictions, they tend to refer to something that they like such as social media or drugs or whatever but, in my case, there's nothing in life that I like yet I now consider myself to be addicted to it. I guess I should clarify that I learnt about this from a youtuber called "efil blaise" in this video: .

The reason why I consider myself as being "addicted" to life is because, instead of dedicating time to killing myself, I waste my time on anything else in life that doesn't help me kill myself such as university work or random youtube videos and so forth. I know and can rationally say that, if I were to die now even via a horrific and brutal method, it'd be far, far, far better and more of a win overall than having to suffer for 7 more decades of life and subsequently die horrifically to old age instead. I know that rationally but my brain is primitive and only focuses on receiving short term comfort by avoiding suicide (since suicide is uncomfortable and terrifying) instead of focusing on the win caused by killing myself. At the end of the day, only one thing in life is important to me and that's to end it.

I believe that @pthnrdnojvsc was trying to say this all this time but I couldn't understand them since I never considered myself as somebody who could be "addicted" to anything, yet alone life. But now I understand. I finally understand and I hate acknowledging this as it means I also have to acknowledge how shitty the human brain is and how it sucks at reacting to the long term gains and instead prioritises short term comfort.

Edit: if anybody else knows a good youtuber like efil blaise, please let me know here. The video of his that I linked is giving me so much comfort due to how rational and realistic he is about life. If anybody knows any other youtubers who also rationally talk about life (with perhaps an antinatalist/promortalist view), share it here

Yes that's what i meant . addictions like youtube etc. people are addicted to life and many other parts of life. but these and life are meaningless. i need to quit these dumb addictions like youtube and focus and work on my goal of suicide asap so i can get to non-existence asap and out of this hell. these addictions won't fix my problems but make them worse .

efil blaise has a lot of other good videos on his channel. he never believed the massive religious indoctrination and explained it.




These people have good videos reality about life :