Venting I hate growing up, I just want to be a child again

[Hellokitty3333]

I can not remember a time when I felt like a kid or that I was young. I have always been forced to act older, be mature and watch over other children even if they were older than me. When is it my turn to be taken care of? I have had friends who are sick their mom will let them sleep in their bed or cook them some food or even take time out of their day to help their sick child. Not my mother, I take care of her when she is sick but when I am sick it's "suck it up, you will be better by tomorrow". I just want a loving parent who wants to take care of me, is that too much to ask for? I'm 20 now so I am an adult who can take of myself right? I have always taken care of myself, kinda, I don't do a very good job and I forget to brush my teeth for months at a time. But I remember all the things that my sister needs to do for the day. I like taking care of people, it's the only way I feel needed, but I just wonder what it's like for someone to notice you are in a bad mood and do something nice for you. Or someone doing your chore because you are tired. Maybe one day I will find someone to take care of me but I am losing hope. I can not keep it up and be a responsible adult. I am so scared about being made to be an adult. I just want to do something considered selfish and die. I do not want to be alive and I never really have wanted to. I really wish I died when I was still a teenager so I wouldn't even be considered an adult legally at all. I definitely will commit before I am 21, I see no value in becoming another wasted adult who is stuck in the mindset of a child who never really learned anything.

 

[borderline-feline]

I absolutely know that feeling. I was forced to grow up early, which left me stunted as an adult. One thing that helps me is age regression, although I admit that it doesn't work for everyone. I try to have experiences as an adult that I wasn't able to have as a kid and even spent part of my first paycheck at my first *real* job on a Monster High doll since I wasn't allowed to have fashion dolls as a kid, only baby dolls.

 

[LittleJem]

I wish we could get proxy mothers. I'm in my 40s and wish I had a substitute mother in my life.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings towards this are very much understandable, I believe that growing up and getting older just leads to even more suffering and problems. I hate how I'm in my 20's, I've existed for far too long, I've also never wished to be here at all.

 

[Hellokitty3333]

I absolutely know that feeling. I was forced to grow up early, which left me stunted as an adult. One thing that helps me is age regression, although I admit that it doesn't work for everyone. I try to have experiences as an adult that I wasn't able to have as a kid and even spent part of my first paycheck at my first *real* job on a Monster High doll since I wasn't allowed to have fashion dolls as a kid, only baby dolls.

I do that too, I have lots of monster high dolls because of my love for them as a child. I also collect MLP! It helps but I am seen as weird for having them