Venting I hate college so much

[spiderwbs]

I honestly hate college a lot. I just started college back in August but I feel like it's not the best for me. I feel like I suck at it, my future will never do good. I told my parents that I wanted to drop out already but I couldn't, everything had been paid for already which was pretty fuckin' expensive, and I would feel terrible to waste all that money. But let's just face that I will never do good in college because I have a hard time understanding what anything means. I don't understand things like any person would. The professor talks so fast, I can never keep up, I have some website assignment due at the end of this month and I haven't even started it. what's worse is that I have a midterm today (I think), and I have not studied at all. I have a night class at 7 pm and I hate going there so much. I have no friends and I'm just 3 months into college. I don't know why I decided to go to college, If I planned to go to ever drop out I'd be in huge trouble. I only decided to go because my parents made me, and think it's a "better future" and I'll be "successful". I highly doubt I'll ever be successful because I never actually succeeded in anything. The only real "successful" thing I have ever succeeded in was graduating high school and getting my diploma, which was about seven months ago...... that's when I somewhat felt proud of myself. But now, I never feel proud of myself anymore. I hate my life so much... I will never turn out like my family wants me to be. I will never turn out amazing and have a good career. I don't know what I want in my life, I just know I want to disappear so I don't feel miserable. I feel like screaming and punching myself in the gut. I feel like getting out of this hellhole and just wanting myself to end this pain I feel every day, I've been getting worse and worse and nobody knows what's going on with me. I'm honestly scared of sharing my feelings with anyone about how I feel about my life because I hate oversharing and making others uncomfortable. I don't want my close ones to feel like anything is their fault because it's not even their fault at all. Everything I do is my fault. Existing, being a fuck up, and ruining other's lives is all my fault. I don't understand why I have to be in this world, I never do anything good. All I do is have the same routines live the same thoughts every day and live the same days, everything just stays the same. I hate it here. I hate everything. I feel like the internet is my only escape in my life. Other people online on the other side of the fucking country understand pain. I hate everything right now, I have like a lot of emotions occurring in my head all at once, I have racing thoughts in my head and it's all the same.......... I'm tired. I want this cycle of depression gone. Nothing good ever happens.

(sry I went off topic after talking about why I hate college, lol)

 

[poofart]

I feel you. I'm on my second attempt at college — I went for a month last year and then dropped out. Decided to start over at a different school. In some ways the experience hasn't been as bad as the previous school, but none of that matters if I constantly have crippling mental illness holding me down.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm on my second year and I hate it so far, too. I remember two of my teachers from grade 12 telling us about how great university is and so far I don't see it. I feel miserable. I'm on academic probabtion right now because of how bad my grades were last year. I didn't pass my second chem course and I don't think I'm going to pass most of my classes this semester. I just don't feel motivated anymore because what's the point? I feel like all of the love I used to have for these subjects has just slowly degraded over time. I don't have any real ambitions and I know my life isn't really headed anywhere. I've gotten tired of trying to trick myself into thinking otherwise. Everyday all I can think about is wanting to end all of this. Anyway, I should get back to studying, for I also happen to have a midterm today.

 

[Next]

You have not yet sufficiently considered an important aspect of your college time. You now count as an adult and are responsible for your own fate. Feel free to blame your parents or numb yourself with the internet. Or you can take your life into your own hands. I know from other SaSu members that the schools provide advice for people in your situation. School can usually be interrupted without the school fees immediately being forfeited. You could take advantage of this offer and reorient yourself. If you close your eyes and push through, you will probably fail in several ways, which is completely unnecessary. Send me a PM if you like.