Venting I hate being gay

[pharma]

I knew I was trans since I was around six. I never felt,t ashamed of it even though I was closeted. But now I'm (m) am starting to develop sexual and romantic attraction to other men, and I feel so shameful. I never questioned my attraction to women, but being attracted to men makes me feel so disgusted in myself. I have a lot of gay and trans friends, and we send each other gay stuff and call each other f*ggots in jest, but nowadays I genuinely just feel so disgusted. I think part of it is the catholic shame and the fact that my life could be easy if I just was a women who liked men, but my attraction to men is solely homoerotic. I can't give myself to a man or a woman as a woman. I hate myself so fucking much, it would have been so much easier had I just been a lesbian or straight man, but no gay man is going to want to be with a tr*nny.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You're still attracted to women though right?

There's nothing wrong with being gay in absolute terms. Religious hang-ups are definitely difficult to unravel but ultimately religion-based objections are bogus. There are sound biological bases for the existence of homosexuality.

Pragmatically speaking it is generally better to be heterosexual so it is understandable to have negative feelings about being gay in that sense.

 

[systemic_livestock]

I knew I was trans since I was around six. I never felt,t ashamed of it even though I was closeted. But now I'm (m) am starting to develop sexual and romantic attraction to other men, and I feel so shameful. I never questioned my attraction to women, but being attracted to men makes me feel so disgusted in myself. I have a lot of gay and trans friends, and we send each other gay stuff and call each other f*ggots in jest, but nowadays I genuinely just feel so disgusted. I think part of it is the catholic shame and the fact that my life could be easy if I just was a women who liked men, but my attraction to men is solely homoerotic. I can't give myself to a man or a woman as a woman. I hate myself so fucking much, it would have been so much easier had I just been a lesbian or straight man, but no gay man is going to want to be with a tr*nny.

I know you've probably heard this before but your attraction, your tranness and gayness its all natural. Its who you are, if God really hated homosexual he would've made it all a negative thing to others or some self destructive thing. You are a good person in a immoral environment putting you though this. "No gay man is going to want to be a tr*nny." Gay men will somtimes have genital preferances but as long as you look at act like a man in there eyes you're going to be able to attract them. Clearly being attracted to passing transwomen is a much more commonly know thing that happens to straight men, that conservative men are offen embarrassed about, but this shows passing opens up doors to dating people who are attracted to your gender identity. And certainly speaking alot of people are attracted to transmen its just less talked about and know about than transwomen. ive had the opposite problem were when I was younger I had an easier time with less shame admitting to myself i was a gay man rather than I straight transwomen but ive gotten over it i hope you can too.

 

[ChamberOfEchoes]

In my view, the problem you describe is neither biological nor based on identity but entirely cultural and religious because there is no evidence for the existence of any god, no scientific proof that determines how a human being should love or desire, no gene for homosexuality or heterosexuality, no genetic locus that defines any orientation, and not even a scientific proof that rigidly defines transness. Everything we experience as identity, orientation, shame, or guilt comes from the culture we are immersed in, not from any natural law. The human being is an animal disturbed by culture, boxed in and forced to follow rules that have nothing natural about them; the idea that there is a right way to be a man, a woman, trans, homosexual, or heterosexual is simply a product of society. It is not nature that oppresses but society, and for this reason it is normal for a person to suffer, to feel wrong, or to experience inner conflict, not because there is anything unnatural in their orientation but because society itself is unnatural, imposing roles, models, and chains. We were not born to live inside rigid social structures; we are opportunistic animals who gather when needed and are forced to gather when it is not needed, and from this forced coexistence come the disturbances, the suffering, and the guilt. In your case the additional calamity is religion, the idea of a god, Catholic guilt, the grandiose fantasy of having been created by a superior being. These narratives are what generate guilt, not your identity. In other words the problem is not you but what you were told you should be.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

I knew I was trans since I was around six. I never felt,t ashamed of it even though I was closeted. But now I'm (m) am starting to develop sexual and romantic attraction to other men, and I feel so shameful. I never questioned my attraction to women, but being attracted to men makes me feel so disgusted in myself. I have a lot of gay and trans friends, and we send each other gay stuff and call each other f*ggots in jest, but nowadays I genuinely just feel so disgusted. I think part of it is the catholic shame and the fact that my life could be easy if I just was a women who liked men, but my attraction to men is solely homoerotic. I can't give myself to a man or a woman as a woman. I hate myself so fucking much, it would have been so much easier had I just been a lesbian or straight man, but no gay man is going to want to be with a tr*nny.

Don't transition. I know too many gays who transitioned because they thought it would make things easier, but it got worse for them.

I don't think it's the catholic guilt. I think it's more akin to neurochemistry. Some people have a higher sensitivity towards disgust. I had a traumatic childhood, and after I went to EMDR, my sensitivity towards disgust skyrocketed. Your body is trying to tell you something. idk what that is though.

I don't recommend conversion therapy, because it simply doesn't work. My guess is, you will feel even worse if you try to make yourself straight.

And I'm sorry to say that even after years of therapy, a part of you will always feel this was...

Religion, specifically Christianity, also helps with this stuff. But you need to find a proper church. Not a progressive church or something like the westbro baptist church. But you have to believe in God to some capacity to begin working on this.

That being said... this is far from the worst thing you can go through...

 

[rainatthebusstop]

So based on your other post you're a trans masc, correct? I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: most people are at least a bit attracted to their own gender and themselves. It's a general confidence thing. Trans people don't get that pre transition which is why they do sometimes become hypersexual during their transition because they go from hating their body to finding some kind of comfort in it.

Your overall situation sounds difficult. It sounds like maybe tackling your religious guilt is the route to go. It's easier to figure out your gender and preferences if you remove the God in your head you've made judge, jury and punisher. If you can, try moving away from people reinforcing that God.

It's not gonna be easy but maybe you'll find it worthwhile. And if not you're still on the right forum to ask for another solution.

 

[Dejected 55]

There are trans gay people too... as in, a trans woman who is attracted to women is a gay person because she is a woman and is attracted to women... you could also be bi-sexual.

There's no problem with being trans or gay or both or neither. You do have to spend some time being honest with yourself and figuring out who you truly are and who you want to be... and in this world it's tough to find the solitude and not be judged while you are trying to figure that out... but you do need to try and honestly figure yourself out without accepting negative judgment from people around you.

Figure out who you are, who you are meant to be, and then be yourself... the world will still be hard, but at least you'll have your own footing to tackle it.

 

[SpencerSees]

Catholic guilt is definitely hard to unravel but if you were able to acceot yourself as trans, I'm sure eventually you can accept being bisexual (or whatever label you pick!) too.
You're not disgusting and I assure you a lot of gay men (cis too) have no issue being with a trans guy if it ever comes to that.
If there is a God, He wouldn't havemade homosexuality present in so many species if it was truly morally evil. You aren't hurting anyone so just try to explore yourself as long as you're still here.