Venting I hate acting happy

[reaasd11]

Im currently working on methods to CTB and its the hardest thing to pretend that im happy to friends and family. i just wish this was all over. hopefully ill be dead before my 19th birthday next month :/

 

[final_countdown12]

Im currently working on methods to CTB and its the hardest thing to pretend that im happy to friends and family. i just wish this was all over. hopefully ill be dead before my 19th birthday next month :/

I understand you.
I cant even talk properly to my parents on the phone. I cant visit them anymore, have lunch etc etc nothing
I hate preteding everything is fine, specially knowing that ill CTB in few weeks. For me its imposible to have a full conversarion anymore, just little texts msgs pretending im ok and im busy working (which is a lie, im more than 1 year unemployed). I feel ashmed of my failures and of who i became so thats one of the main reason of why i cant talk to them anymore even though i love my family and they are great people.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Don't have anyone at this point in my life. When I did, it was definitely exhausting. You seriously have to put in a conscious effort to fake it, and it's constant. You're going directly against everything you really feel. Every statement, action, how your face looks, posture, etc.

Just saying that I get it. I'm sorry you have to feel this way.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

The hardest part is not slipping or accidentally giving any hints, even for people who are well-reserved it takes a great amount of self-control to not give any hints

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, I understand why you'd hate that, it must be tiring what you are going through.