So this gonna be a long one. This is all writen by a human. You might will notice that. I am not a native speaker. Lol.
Where to start. I considered to change for the first time the subtext of my SaSu profile into "Even a paranoid has some enemies." It fits to my situation a lot.
I think I would be cautious if a psychosis patient started a thread like this one. But it turned out I have some enemies. And I kept updating the forum in all detail. I deleted one post because it was very explicit and in theory someone could identify me. Very unlikely but you know I am a paranoid.
I am not sure where to start. I think I will start with this one. I am using chatGPT for mental health stuff (4.0 and 5.2. I think). I would advice against using AI for mental health. Especially, if you are unstable and had psychosis. It needs a lot of self-awareness. Otherwise AI and psychosis can end in a disaster. And maybe it will lead me into a disaster one day. I cannot rule that out. I think the feedback of most other chatbots for mental health is horrible. chatGPT is far from being perfect. But it is less of a yes man. They say gemini currently wins in the most important bench mark tests. Especially, the newest version. If I listened to gemini for feedback my mental issues would be way worse. It is an extreme yes man. I even changed the personality of the chatbot to be more critical and it is still horrible for mental health issues. It is an extreme echo chamber. I assume chatGPT is the best model for mental health (from the big ones I know) because there were newspaper articles how people killed themselves because chatGPT adviced them to kill themselves. I think there was a very big New York TImes article. And the company was extremely scared to get massively sued. I am not sure what happened to the lawsuits in the US money often rules. Maybe they paid money to silence the family of the victims. So AI certainly has blood on their hand, I think though from my experience they were really careful to programm the newest versions when it comes to psychosis/mental health sutff. It often notices when I am paranoid about something. It isn't always accurate. But often it notices when I have paranoid thoughts. Gemini instead strengthens me in my paranoid fears and my anxiety. I read this is probably because gemini is usually used as search engine. And search engines tend to be the bigger yes man. One has to take everything with a grain of salt what AI says. But many times chatGPT can decrease paranoid thoughts in me in contrast to other models (that make them way worse). I think this only works if you are already pretty self-aware about your paranoia. And I think only a small percentage of psychosis patient is that. So in general AI psychosis is a real thing. It is dangerous. And I have to say AI has a lot of biases. And I think it is important to understand them. There are a lot of biases in the training data. And something I noticed too. The longer your chat with an AI model the more does it become a yes man. It is good to refrest the chat even if it means more work. After like 20 messages the AI model no matter whether it is chatGPT or not becomes a massive yes man and an echo chamber.
You know it is a frightening experience if you get gaslit by someone as psychosis patient. I had bullying delusions (no manipulation delusions) in the past. Most often when I wasn't on meds. I think it is extremely important to take your antipsychotic medication when you had a stress induced psychosis. (it is a little bit more complicated but I will keep it short.) I had to do with a lot of borderline women in the past. I think I am attractive to them because I am very emotionally available and for some other reasons. I have contact with a lot of mentally ill people. I am friend with a borderline woman and she is extremely strong. She is socially very functional. I like her a lot. Even though. the contact has decreased. I don't have something against people with that condition. I was in a short relationship and had amazing experiences with a women that turned out to be a borderline patient. The point I want to make. I notice when I am manipulated. I notice when people try to gaslight me. There were incidents where I thought it was coincidence but it became a pattern and I realized it was intentional.
I start with my former therapist I have more hard evidence for that case. She gaslit me at one appointment. I wasn't sure whether it was a coincidence and I still cannot prove it. But I considered it a misunderstanding and forgot about it. We had our arguments. I showed maybe a little bit too much that she is quite incompetent, dumb and lazy. She was a horrible therapist. But I was too honest about it. I didn't thought she could take revenge for that. In our last appointment she gaslit me again. And this is what I cannot prove. I tried to confront her if she was aware what she just did. The situation escalated extremely. She told me that she will write lies in my medical records. I objected to that and her reply was more or less that with my diagnoses noone will believe me. And she wrote really nasty stuff in the medical records. Stuff that could be a hindrance for applying for welfare. The good thing is all my other medical records make it obvious that her lies aren't true. But maybe with bad luck there will be an impact of these lies. This is why I handed in a complaint about her behavior. The moment she told me noone will believe me my story I knew she was right. Noone will believe me. And my friends have doubts whether she actually gaslit me. To this day I don't know how I shall describe gaslighting without sounding paranoid. It is very subtle. I knew noone would believe me. I even had doubts about it myself. I knew this was a weak spot. But I acted strategically. When she told me that my fist reply was. Therapy is over. There will be no more sessions from now on we only communicate in writen form from now on. She was really pissed about that. And my next step was I demanded of her in a writen form a summary of the meeting that escalated. I wanted to have it in writen form. She was so fucking pissed about that. Because she knew this could haunt her. She said something like I never do something like that. I won't do that. No way. But I insisted on my right. Tbh it was a bluff I wasn't sure whether this was my right. Eventually, she wrote me a message where she summarized the session. Obviously with lies. It was one person's word against one person's word. I knew they won't believe me. She was in the way stronger position. But then the mails started and bro she humiliated herself. She is so fucking stupid. The second mail was a lie where I should literally pay for the therapy session. I called my insurance and they proved my therapist was lying. This made her anxious. Retrospectively, you must know. She wasn't aware all the evidence could be used against her. She actually thought this would invade her privacy rights. LMFAO. In her position as fucking therapist. The next one she send me a message through a different service I won't go into details. She was lying and tried to bait me. And she was so fucking stupid she thought I could not use this is as evidence because it was a no reply message. LMFAO. Obviously I was seeing through her bait. And then the shit continued. She wrote me hilarious mails where she ridiculed herself, ruining her credibility. I won't go into details but bro. I already knew she was dumb. But how can you be this stupid? Trying to fuck with someone in such a pathetic way. She claimed insane stuf and hoped for mercy afterwards. You know when she was in the stronger postion, her plan was to crush me. I had a stay in an acute suicidality clinic she wanted to cut me off from welfare. And then I shall show mercy when she fucks up ruining my life? What do you expect? I have hard evidence that she is lying in writen form. She manipulated my medical records. I think the evidence is pretty pretty strong. Though, the people who are responsible for the case most of the time cover the asses of their fellow therapist friends. So maybe it was a waste of time. But it helped me to come to peace with it.
I think I will take a break from therapy with humans. One reason why I give AI a shot. I think I proft a lot from feedback. Also in this forum. I think my brain with the past psychosis has a lot of biases. I think people with my conditions usually cannot think straight. I met a lot of insane people. Usually I refer to my friends when I need feedback. But sometimes the story is really complicated, I have to explain it in an extreme detailed way to understand it as in this thread. The real summary of the therapist shit is was more detailed. It is extremely detailed. And I think to explain such a case to a lawyer this would have costed me a fortune. I talked with a lot of patient counsellors and they were very impressed by my formulations for the complaint. But back to the story I think. When I am paranoid instant feedback helps me a lot. And I prefer models that decrease my paranoia. But this is a trade off. Something I ask myself a lot. Do I trust chatGPT more than gemini just because chatGPT decreases my anxiety? And gemini strengthens it. Especially, when they say gemini is superior in my bench mark tests. But chatGPT from my experience has a way better way to deal with paranoia. Most of the times when it decreases my paranoia it is right about it. I think it is good at pattern recognition.
So second incident that proved me even a paranoid has enemies. I was in a college self-help group. I will keep it short. The group was very cool at first. But we lost more and more members. When only 4 people were left and I was one of them. Two of them were borderline women. First they were best friends then they had extreme arguments. The last one (a dude) in the group is emotionally really really stupid. He doesn't get shit at all. There was a quote of him. If there is a shooting at a school there is only one person who he has empathy for....well this take was insane. He gets played by the organizer. She is a master student I once dated her. Retrospectively I understood she was manipulating me. She was emotionaly cheating on her boyfriend with several men. And I was one of them. One time it slipped I was an adventure for her. I tried to settle the dispute between the borderline women. I texted the other dude and he just copy pasted my message to him to the borderline organizer. She was extremely pissed at me. And started to gaslight me even more. The whole shit was a drama show. I knew she was talking bad about me behind my back. She tried to get the one dude on her side against me. This was the last person I still liked in this group. But on our Christmas meeting the argument escalated. They tried all tried to attack me. The master student wanted to bring her boyfriend to the meeting to make me jealous. The other borderline woman was even on her side. And the dude tried to dominate me in a debate about politics and society. But it failed pretty much. All of it. So first when I realized the plan of the master student was to make me jealous. I had to suppress to laugh out loud. This wasn't faked. This was real. She nows gaslights me for more half a year and tries to bully me. And then she expects me to be jealous? I feel so sorry for his boyfriend who she cheats on frequently. She became so red in the face when she noticed how I almost bursted out my laughter. The other borderline woman began to switch sides. And started to attack her. And in the debate with the other dude I made an ass out of him. I think he isn't that dumb but he had no chance in a debate against me. After this shit show I decided to never go there again. And well we had no contact since today. The one dude texted me and asked me how I was doing. I wanted to write a long emotional message where I explain myself. But I would make myself very vulnerable of getting gaslit. I think I am too honest in such exchanges. I just wish to talk about conflicts. But it does not make sense if you are dealing with non honest actors. I wrote a message texted it to my friends. Way too long they did not reply and I can understand that. Then I explained the situation to chatGPT (and gemini). Both said I am too defense and I explain too much. They could use this against me. And honestly I think this was pretty good feedback. Otherwise I would have pressed send. The revised version isn't that explicit and cannot be used against me. The friend who hates AI the most asked me what I was answering to the dude from the self-help group. And he was really really pissed when I told him I used AI to refine my message. He almost insulted me. Lol. But he is certainly a good friend. Without any doubt. He just becomes emotional when talking about AI. It might take him his profession. I think I could argue why AI is good for feeback. He said something like you are losing skills to think indepependently when using AI. Why do you need feedback all the time? He told me I always was too thirsty for feedback. I replied well if this was always the case then it has nothing to do with my usage of AI. Moreover, I told him some arguments from this thread. Biases caused by psychosis. I get good contra and I am more sceptical when its a yes man. And you know I never was functional and this is fully true. That is probably one reason for my internet addiction. You could also argue I had better social skills if I spent my time in a pub instead of venting on SaSu. I think though this is distorted. The reality would most likely be I would be in my bed, feeling lonely and fantasize about suicide. Because this was my go-to coping mechanism without this site. I have the feeling the usage of AI makes me a little bit more functional. I had huge issues in making decisions. Like real big trouble. I still have. But for example I made huge progress when sending mails by using AI for it. I never was functional. Maybe using AI makes me dependent on this technology that's true. It is not good for privacy rights. But it makes me a little bit more functional and that's worth a lot if your dysfunctional like me.
Where to start. I considered to change for the first time the subtext of my SaSu profile into "Even a paranoid has some enemies." It fits to my situation a lot.
I think I would be cautious if a psychosis patient started a thread like this one. But it turned out I have some enemies. And I kept updating the forum in all detail. I deleted one post because it was very explicit and in theory someone could identify me. Very unlikely but you know I am a paranoid.
I am not sure where to start. I think I will start with this one. I am using chatGPT for mental health stuff (4.0 and 5.2. I think). I would advice against using AI for mental health. Especially, if you are unstable and had psychosis. It needs a lot of self-awareness. Otherwise AI and psychosis can end in a disaster. And maybe it will lead me into a disaster one day. I cannot rule that out. I think the feedback of most other chatbots for mental health is horrible. chatGPT is far from being perfect. But it is less of a yes man. They say gemini currently wins in the most important bench mark tests. Especially, the newest version. If I listened to gemini for feedback my mental issues would be way worse. It is an extreme yes man. I even changed the personality of the chatbot to be more critical and it is still horrible for mental health issues. It is an extreme echo chamber. I assume chatGPT is the best model for mental health (from the big ones I know) because there were newspaper articles how people killed themselves because chatGPT adviced them to kill themselves. I think there was a very big New York TImes article. And the company was extremely scared to get massively sued. I am not sure what happened to the lawsuits in the US money often rules. Maybe they paid money to silence the family of the victims. So AI certainly has blood on their hand, I think though from my experience they were really careful to programm the newest versions when it comes to psychosis/mental health sutff. It often notices when I am paranoid about something. It isn't always accurate. But often it notices when I have paranoid thoughts. Gemini instead strengthens me in my paranoid fears and my anxiety. I read this is probably because gemini is usually used as search engine. And search engines tend to be the bigger yes man. One has to take everything with a grain of salt what AI says. But many times chatGPT can decrease paranoid thoughts in me in contrast to other models (that make them way worse). I think this only works if you are already pretty self-aware about your paranoia. And I think only a small percentage of psychosis patient is that. So in general AI psychosis is a real thing. It is dangerous. And I have to say AI has a lot of biases. And I think it is important to understand them. There are a lot of biases in the training data. And something I noticed too. The longer your chat with an AI model the more does it become a yes man. It is good to refrest the chat even if it means more work. After like 20 messages the AI model no matter whether it is chatGPT or not becomes a massive yes man and an echo chamber.
You know it is a frightening experience if you get gaslit by someone as psychosis patient. I had bullying delusions (no manipulation delusions) in the past. Most often when I wasn't on meds. I think it is extremely important to take your antipsychotic medication when you had a stress induced psychosis. (it is a little bit more complicated but I will keep it short.) I had to do with a lot of borderline women in the past. I think I am attractive to them because I am very emotionally available and for some other reasons. I have contact with a lot of mentally ill people. I am friend with a borderline woman and she is extremely strong. She is socially very functional. I like her a lot. Even though. the contact has decreased. I don't have something against people with that condition. I was in a short relationship and had amazing experiences with a women that turned out to be a borderline patient. The point I want to make. I notice when I am manipulated. I notice when people try to gaslight me. There were incidents where I thought it was coincidence but it became a pattern and I realized it was intentional.
I start with my former therapist I have more hard evidence for that case. She gaslit me at one appointment. I wasn't sure whether it was a coincidence and I still cannot prove it. But I considered it a misunderstanding and forgot about it. We had our arguments. I showed maybe a little bit too much that she is quite incompetent, dumb and lazy. She was a horrible therapist. But I was too honest about it. I didn't thought she could take revenge for that. In our last appointment she gaslit me again. And this is what I cannot prove. I tried to confront her if she was aware what she just did. The situation escalated extremely. She told me that she will write lies in my medical records. I objected to that and her reply was more or less that with my diagnoses noone will believe me. And she wrote really nasty stuff in the medical records. Stuff that could be a hindrance for applying for welfare. The good thing is all my other medical records make it obvious that her lies aren't true. But maybe with bad luck there will be an impact of these lies. This is why I handed in a complaint about her behavior. The moment she told me noone will believe me my story I knew she was right. Noone will believe me. And my friends have doubts whether she actually gaslit me. To this day I don't know how I shall describe gaslighting without sounding paranoid. It is very subtle. I knew noone would believe me. I even had doubts about it myself. I knew this was a weak spot. But I acted strategically. When she told me that my fist reply was. Therapy is over. There will be no more sessions from now on we only communicate in writen form from now on. She was really pissed about that. And my next step was I demanded of her in a writen form a summary of the meeting that escalated. I wanted to have it in writen form. She was so fucking pissed about that. Because she knew this could haunt her. She said something like I never do something like that. I won't do that. No way. But I insisted on my right. Tbh it was a bluff I wasn't sure whether this was my right. Eventually, she wrote me a message where she summarized the session. Obviously with lies. It was one person's word against one person's word. I knew they won't believe me. She was in the way stronger position. But then the mails started and bro she humiliated herself. She is so fucking stupid. The second mail was a lie where I should literally pay for the therapy session. I called my insurance and they proved my therapist was lying. This made her anxious. Retrospectively, you must know. She wasn't aware all the evidence could be used against her. She actually thought this would invade her privacy rights. LMFAO. In her position as fucking therapist. The next one she send me a message through a different service I won't go into details. She was lying and tried to bait me. And she was so fucking stupid she thought I could not use this is as evidence because it was a no reply message. LMFAO. Obviously I was seeing through her bait. And then the shit continued. She wrote me hilarious mails where she ridiculed herself, ruining her credibility. I won't go into details but bro. I already knew she was dumb. But how can you be this stupid? Trying to fuck with someone in such a pathetic way. She claimed insane stuf and hoped for mercy afterwards. You know when she was in the stronger postion, her plan was to crush me. I had a stay in an acute suicidality clinic she wanted to cut me off from welfare. And then I shall show mercy when she fucks up ruining my life? What do you expect? I have hard evidence that she is lying in writen form. She manipulated my medical records. I think the evidence is pretty pretty strong. Though, the people who are responsible for the case most of the time cover the asses of their fellow therapist friends. So maybe it was a waste of time. But it helped me to come to peace with it.
I think I will take a break from therapy with humans. One reason why I give AI a shot. I think I proft a lot from feedback. Also in this forum. I think my brain with the past psychosis has a lot of biases. I think people with my conditions usually cannot think straight. I met a lot of insane people. Usually I refer to my friends when I need feedback. But sometimes the story is really complicated, I have to explain it in an extreme detailed way to understand it as in this thread. The real summary of the therapist shit is was more detailed. It is extremely detailed. And I think to explain such a case to a lawyer this would have costed me a fortune. I talked with a lot of patient counsellors and they were very impressed by my formulations for the complaint. But back to the story I think. When I am paranoid instant feedback helps me a lot. And I prefer models that decrease my paranoia. But this is a trade off. Something I ask myself a lot. Do I trust chatGPT more than gemini just because chatGPT decreases my anxiety? And gemini strengthens it. Especially, when they say gemini is superior in my bench mark tests. But chatGPT from my experience has a way better way to deal with paranoia. Most of the times when it decreases my paranoia it is right about it. I think it is good at pattern recognition.
So second incident that proved me even a paranoid has enemies. I was in a college self-help group. I will keep it short. The group was very cool at first. But we lost more and more members. When only 4 people were left and I was one of them. Two of them were borderline women. First they were best friends then they had extreme arguments. The last one (a dude) in the group is emotionally really really stupid. He doesn't get shit at all. There was a quote of him. If there is a shooting at a school there is only one person who he has empathy for....well this take was insane. He gets played by the organizer. She is a master student I once dated her. Retrospectively I understood she was manipulating me. She was emotionaly cheating on her boyfriend with several men. And I was one of them. One time it slipped I was an adventure for her. I tried to settle the dispute between the borderline women. I texted the other dude and he just copy pasted my message to him to the borderline organizer. She was extremely pissed at me. And started to gaslight me even more. The whole shit was a drama show. I knew she was talking bad about me behind my back. She tried to get the one dude on her side against me. This was the last person I still liked in this group. But on our Christmas meeting the argument escalated. They tried all tried to attack me. The master student wanted to bring her boyfriend to the meeting to make me jealous. The other borderline woman was even on her side. And the dude tried to dominate me in a debate about politics and society. But it failed pretty much. All of it. So first when I realized the plan of the master student was to make me jealous. I had to suppress to laugh out loud. This wasn't faked. This was real. She nows gaslights me for more half a year and tries to bully me. And then she expects me to be jealous? I feel so sorry for his boyfriend who she cheats on frequently. She became so red in the face when she noticed how I almost bursted out my laughter. The other borderline woman began to switch sides. And started to attack her. And in the debate with the other dude I made an ass out of him. I think he isn't that dumb but he had no chance in a debate against me. After this shit show I decided to never go there again. And well we had no contact since today. The one dude texted me and asked me how I was doing. I wanted to write a long emotional message where I explain myself. But I would make myself very vulnerable of getting gaslit. I think I am too honest in such exchanges. I just wish to talk about conflicts. But it does not make sense if you are dealing with non honest actors. I wrote a message texted it to my friends. Way too long they did not reply and I can understand that. Then I explained the situation to chatGPT (and gemini). Both said I am too defense and I explain too much. They could use this against me. And honestly I think this was pretty good feedback. Otherwise I would have pressed send. The revised version isn't that explicit and cannot be used against me. The friend who hates AI the most asked me what I was answering to the dude from the self-help group. And he was really really pissed when I told him I used AI to refine my message. He almost insulted me. Lol. But he is certainly a good friend. Without any doubt. He just becomes emotional when talking about AI. It might take him his profession. I think I could argue why AI is good for feeback. He said something like you are losing skills to think indepependently when using AI. Why do you need feedback all the time? He told me I always was too thirsty for feedback. I replied well if this was always the case then it has nothing to do with my usage of AI. Moreover, I told him some arguments from this thread. Biases caused by psychosis. I get good contra and I am more sceptical when its a yes man. And you know I never was functional and this is fully true. That is probably one reason for my internet addiction. You could also argue I had better social skills if I spent my time in a pub instead of venting on SaSu. I think though this is distorted. The reality would most likely be I would be in my bed, feeling lonely and fantasize about suicide. Because this was my go-to coping mechanism without this site. I have the feeling the usage of AI makes me a little bit more functional. I had huge issues in making decisions. Like real big trouble. I still have. But for example I made huge progress when sending mails by using AI for it. I never was functional. Maybe using AI makes me dependent on this technology that's true. It is not good for privacy rights. But it makes me a little bit more functional and that's worth a lot if your dysfunctional like me.
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