I guess this is goodbye (Pong Pong) Is it going to be extraordinarily painful?

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

You don't know me, but that's fine. I'm 23 and a biological New York man having previously been living in a homeless shelter and recently have been tricked to transition into living in some mental health program called "Supportive Housing", believing it to be my own studio where I'd only have to pay 30% of my income on rent, technically all true. I have been denied Social Security Disability Benefits 3 times now and only receive $120 a month in Public Assistance. I also have autism but I'm too high functioning to be considered autistic. I can't work, I suffer with communication and speech impediments, and at the age of 18 I tried changing my sex but had severe complications. It's been over 4 years and I was told that I'll never be able to have genitalia or a sex life. I've since transitioned back into my biological gender, but it's too late and still no one is helping me. I wake up every day in pain and have been banned from most hospitals because of my "behavior problems". It's probably safe to say my body will forever be ruined. Damaged chest with odd looking breasts and rude stares, a gaping hole in my general area with my colon tissue spilling out (partially clogged), and no one willing to prescribe me pain medication.

I ordered over $100 worth of fresh Pong Pong seeds from Thailand. The idiots at U.S Customs apparently allowed them through without problem. I now have 8 and the seeds are white, fresh, and sticky.

I have also in my possession Metoclopramide (Reglan) and Ativan.

What do I do? I can't keep waking up everyday just to suffer but no surgeon is willing to help me. No one is empathetic in the medical community, and they've probably deemed me crazy. I can't succeed in social settings and I can't have an orgasm. And I'm a virgin living off the system, hoping to be saved and magically have a normal body again. But it's over for me, isn't it? I'm not close to my friends or family, either. It's just me.

Do I just eat these big seeds? Am I able to swallow them? What's going to happen? What's the agony like? I also have a DNR order.

EDIT: Nvm. Too painful apparently. I guess I'm just stuck. fml

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I've never heard of this method before. Most plant based methods are supposed to be extremely painful though.

The American health system is an abomination, I will never understand why Americans reject social health care. Why are you banned from hospitals?

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I've never heard of this method before. Most plant based methods are supposed to be extremely painful though.

The American health system is an abomination, I will never understand why Americans reject social health care. Why are you banned from hospitals?

I have a tendency to cuss people out.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

ahh yeah you'd be banned from uk hospitals too

 

[Sensei]

You really seem to be in pain and you don't deserve a painful death. Please consider another method. It's well documented that Pong Pong poisoning is extremely agonizing.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Think of it as a way of bumping your thread in case someone else knows.

What I've seen it includes vomiting palpitations, muscle pain, bleeding gums, nose bleeds, headaches, rashes, blood in urine, easy bruising and bleeding, and heart arrhythmia. It also doesn't sound overly quick. Antidotes also exist

 

[WornOutLife]

Why did you choose this method instead of something more peaceful like sn and n? I've heard it's quite painful.

Anyway, you've been through a lot. I'm so sorry society sucks so much. I think you can solve things if you keep on looking for surgeons and maybe find a decent job but of course it won't be easy.

Just make sure you're 100% sure if you decide to ctb. You only do it if it's really THE ONLY OPTION.

Wish you the best, lots of love and peace.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Hiya,
welcome to the SS Forum: you have found the right place!
first-off your method is highly unusual...
I've been to India and know about Pong Pong seeds... but I am by no means an expert on the subject so please research thoroughly yeah... I'm attracted to all (magical) Plants (belladonna; henbane etc etc) and their methods / various toxicities: it's in the oleander family and is really toxic -depending on how you consume it.
I know of successful instances where they've been boiled into a really strong tea and consumed (weirdly enough with milk).
Just know you are going to get really sick (check other posts)
What happens is also that you may be a bit manic (I've seen someone under the influence and they were incoherent / feverish / fitting etc (i don't mean to put you off) but know when you're struggling and mentally unsound you may seek attention because you are in a confused state and physically struggling with chest pains etc
You will struggle to eat the seeds in slivers etc - maybe get them blended and take the pulp. You must take anti-nausea meds also.
Remember with anything from natural plant source you cannot know efficacy of plant (& therefore consumption / toxicity amount)...
so think about it. Clearly!?
In meantime this forum is a sanctuary for many with gender identity / medical / survival issues :: you are not alone.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry for what you have been through. I've heard of pong pong probably before I found S.S.
As others have said, I've heard it's very painful. I had also thought of doing this before I found other methods on here. I wish you the best if this is your only option.

 

[whywere]

1st off WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide my new global family member. We are a family that loves and cares for each other. 2nd I have chronic pain and had to go through 3 different doctors till I found the 4th , who is great, to help me and my chronic pain. Have you looked at other doctors? 3rd you have a family now with us and I truly consider you part of my family now. I am 65 years young and have a life time of ups, downs and everything in between, I have learned through life experience to let everything roll off me, have a smile and say hi to everyone and not let some jerks in this world bring me down. I have learned that some people are just plain mean and have no self worth they act like jerks to make themselves feel better. 4th Always remember that: it is easy to judge, hard to understand and you have family here now that loves and cares for and about you. I live everyday with the chronic pain and I take opoids for pain control. Now I have had ALOT of people locally wonder if I am a druggie, I enjoy them..etc, there in again, just plain mean people who DO NOT want to understand. Close ones eyes to see is what I tell them and that stumps them forever!!! I love and care for you ALOT as a great global family member. Again.. WELCOME @Evolutionary_Mistake and so, so glad to have you as family now. Walter ( yes Walter is my real first name, nothing ever phoney about me ever)

 

[TowerUpright]

I can tell you first hand of a pong- pong attempt.

Find a better way, if you are absolutely going down this path. If you continue, be prepared for a lot of SI, heart palpitations, dysrhythmias, and being aware the whole time.

Also, even if no one knows what is causing your issue, it is easily rectified by ER docs with dopamine and insulin/sugar.

Find an alternative. Please.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I can't make poison. I can't make an exit bag. I can't even put my hair in a bun. My stupid hands and my defective brain.

I don't have a lot of money and I just wish someone could give me something and all I would have to do is drink it or inject myself.

I don't know what to do. I'm losing my sanity. I absolutely not do want to live the rest of my life like this. I don't want to accept the consequences of my actions. I don't want to keep suffering every day. But I don't want my death to be painful.

 

[Celerity]

I can't make poison. I can't make an exit bag. I can't even put my hair in a bun. My stupid hands and my defective brain.

I don't have a lot of money and I just wish someone could give me something and all I would have to do is drink it or inject myself.

I don't know what to do. I'm losing my sanity. I absolutely not do want to live the rest of my life like this. I don't want to accept the consequences of my actions. I don't want to keep suffering every day. But I don't want my death to be painful.

Is there any way you can make your way down south? NY probably has tough gun laws, but it's not difficult to obtain a gun in FL. I think it's the best method by far.

My heart goes out to you. I don't think anybody in your shoes would want to continue on. If we lived in a compassionate world, you would be an ideal candidate for assisted suicide.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

Is there any way you can make your way down south? NY probably has tough gun laws, but it's not difficult to obtain a gun in FL. I think it's the best method by far.

I could never afford a gun. And if you put a gun in my hand, I'd be too afraid to pull the trigger with it facing straight. But facing it towards myself? Nope 10x.

I'm too much of a coward and sissy.

I would be open to you murdering me, but I know that's probably not ideal for you.

 

[Celerity]

I could never afford a gun. And if you put a gun in my hand, I'd be too afraid to pull the trigger with it facing straight. But facing it towards myself? Nope 10x.

I'm too much of a coward and sissy.

It's a lot nicer way to go than what you have planned. You just have to pull the trigger once.

 

[Squiddy]

I could never afford a gun. And if you put a gun in my hand, I'd be too afraid to pull the trigger with it facing straight. But facing it towards myself? Nope 10x.

I'm too much of a coward and sissy.

I would be open to you murdering me, but I know that's probably not ideal for you.

Can you get SN?

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

Can you get SN?

I don't know what that is and I don't know how to make it. I'd probably mess up somehow.

 

[Squiddy]

I don't know what that is and I don't know how to make it. I'd probably mess up somehow.

You can buy it. Check the resources thread here

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

You can buy it. Check the resources thread here

Reading is exhausting. Please just show it to me and explain it to me like I'm 5.

Smh

 

[Squiddy]

Reading is exhausting. Please just show it to me and explain it to me like I'm 5.

Smh

I'll send a PM

 

[Squiddy]

Umm, okay. All you said was "So SN stands for sodium nitrite and you can find it on Amazon and probably a few other sites (not sure where else in your country)"

You didn't have to private message me that... What exactly am I supposed to do with sodium nitrite?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[awfullife]

Evolution - these folks are trying to help you but important forum rules prevent them from encouraging you / guiding you.

Members benefit in no way from their suggestions / advice to you. I hope you appreciate this as very credible and heed their advice.

Best

Awfullife

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

Okay, I was reading that. So you just fall asleep? That sounds much better than Pong Pong seeds.

But how do you overcome the bad taste if you have a bad gag reflex?

 

[orlandom]

Okay, I was reading that. So you just fall asleep? That sounds much better than Pong Pong seeds.

But how do you overcome the bad taste if you have a bad gag reflex?

I think it would be great to interrupt the taste of SN - with the taste of N

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I think it would be great to interrupt the taste of SN - with the taste of N

I don't know what that means, but I'm assuming it's a type of drug. I'm also assuming that it would be impossible to change the taste of it. So maybe just plug my nose?

Perhaps cut off my tongue? (Kidding) lol.

I suppose I could try to numb my tongue for 30 minutes with benzocaine like Orajel. I'd have to be careful not to bite my tongue though. There'd still be some taste though.

 

[orlandom]

I don't know what that means, but I'm assuming it's a type of drug. I'm also assuming that it would be impossible to change the taste of it. So maybe just plug my nose?

Perhaps cut off my tongue? (Kidding) lol

I think you sound like someone who wants quick answers without worrying about how to explore this forum and resources.

Many people don't like it. But yes you can ask.

I would recommend chocolate or peppermint after drinking a glass.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I think you sound like someone who wants quick answers without worrying about how to explore this forum and resources.

Many people don't like it. But yes you can ask.

I would recommend chocolate or peppermint after drinking a glass.

Like I said reading is exhausting. I'm still trying to find surgeons to help me, I've exhausted my options in California and New York. My insurance company said I might have to look out of state or out of country, but I only have Medicaid. It's public insurance for low-income individuals. If I had a bucket of cash, I guarantee you every doctor would be lining up to help me.

Just establishing a backup plan if all else fails.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I like how you think it isn't exhausting for the rest of us. Not one person is on this site because they are having an easy time. If you are serious about ctb please do some research, afterall if you make this choice it will literally be the most important choice you will ever make.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I like how you think it isn't exhausting for the rest of us. Not one person is on this site because they are having an easy time. If you are serious about ctb please do some research, afterall if you make this choice it will literally be the most important choice you will ever make.

I'm aware of that. I apologize. I'm not good with social communication. I'm not trying to pull the "I'm autistic" card, but my brain is defective.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I hope I'm not too late, but if you're going to use pong pong seeds, get some (10-20) datura inoxia seeds first. It's gonna be messy and painful otherwise. I'll be back!