I guess this is goodbye (Pong Pong) Is it going to be extraordinarily painful?

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I hope I'm not too late, but if you're going to use pong pong seeds, get some (10-20) datura inoxia seeds first. It's gonna be messy and painful otherwise. I'll be back!

Actually, I decided not to use this method. I'm pissed off at spending over $100. But it is what it is.

New York just legalized marijuana so I'm going to hold off and if I do decide to proceed with euthanizing myself, it'll most likely be SN. I would want a pain free death. (Thank you!)

I'm going to continue to try and find surgeons to help me.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Actually, I decided not to use this method. I'm pissed off at spending over $100. But it is what it is.

New York just legalized marijuana so I'm going to hold off and if I do decide to proceed with euthanizing myself, it'll most likely be SN. I would want a pain free death. (Thank you!)

I'm going to continue to try and find surgeons to help me.

Eh, alright! Well... I wish you luck!

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I consider myself very incompetent in math.

What's "25gm in 50 ml of plain water"?

Does gm stand for grams?

Does ml stand for milliliter?

How do I measure that?

Any measurement cups or tools you recommend? I'm assuming that this is powder-like and I'd have to mix it with water? Also, I have asthma. I'm hoping this doesn't interfere with this.

Given that I screwed myself by believing I could change my sex and my lack of understanding of basic math, I'm probably better off dead anyway.

 

[throwaway2goawy]

What's "25gm in 50 ml of plain water"?

Does gm stand for grams?

Does ml stand for milliliter?

How do I measure that?

Any measurement cups or tools you recommend? I'm assuming that this is powder-like and I'd have to mix it with water? Also, I have asthma. I'm hoping this doesn't interfere with this.`

Yeah gm is grams, no idea why it states gm rather than g like normal. ml is millilitres.

Just buy a set of scales and a jug to be exact, they are both very cheap. However if you can't, you could easily work out a rough estimate with a can/bottle and a teaspoon (eg if you have a 330ml can of coke 50ml is around a 7th of that. A teaspoon is around 4.2g so 6 of them.)

Not sure about the asthma part, it's hard to give an answer due to asthma affecting people differentl. For me, it's only when I'm unwell with the flu or a cold so SN would likely not affect it for me.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

Yeah gm is grams, no idea why it states gm rather than g like normal. ml is millilitres.

Just buy a set of scales and a jug to be exact, they are both very cheap. However if you can't, you could easily work out a rough estimate with a can/bottle and a teaspoon (eg if you have a 330ml can of coke 50ml is around a 7th of that. A teaspoon is around 4.2g so 6 of them.)

Not sure about the asthma part, it's hard to give an answer due to asthma affecting people differentl. For me, it's only when I'm unwell with the flu or a cold so SN would likely not affect it for me.

Or something like a digital food scale? Lol.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Or something like a digital food scale? Lol.

Or a diamond scale.

 

[TowerUpright]

Okay, I was reading that. So you just fall asleep? That sounds much better than Pong Pong seeds.

But how do you overcome the bad taste if you have a bad gag reflex?

As an FYI - Pong Pong seeds have a horrible, horrible taste.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I'm not going to be able to change my character without my body being restored. I'm trying my best to improve my mental health but waking up everyday in the same damaged body and unable to do anything productive is only worsening my mental health.

No surgeon is willing to help me and I don't know what to do anymore. God save me if I respond in anger, because if I do, then I'm the bad guy (once again). I even reached out to a surgeon in Thailand specializing in so-called sex reassignment surgeries, and they told me "We don't do revisions on these types of cases."

I really fucked up my life and it hurts, physically and psychologically. I don't even need alcohol to get drunk, the cognitive dissonance is enough to make my head spin. It's like waking up from a grenade explosion. Including the ringing in the ears, the spinning lightheadedness, and confusion. But include anger and sadness… and on a daily and consistent basis.

This is inhumane. Forcing me to wake up everyday in the same situation without any type of treatment is the equivalent to insanity, and is only going to make me even more emotionally unstable.

Is SN really painless? When would it kill me? Days? Weeks?

 

[Tackingintothewind]

From people who survived it. They will know much better than me. Have fun reading

SS – Non-Fatal Sodium Nitrite (SN / NaNO2) Attempts: Member Methods & Experiences

Non-Fatal Sodium Nitrite (SN / NaNO2) Attempts: Member Methods & ExperiencesLast Updated: 2020.02.17 Mobile-Friendly Website Version THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE FOR IMPROVEMENT SO LONG AS YOU ARE ALIVE. PLEASE, INSTEAD OF SUICIDE, GIVE RECOVERY A CHANCE! YOU CAN REACH OUT TO THE NUMBERS BELOW: ...

docs.google.com

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

From people who survived it. They will know much better than me. Have fun reading

SS – Non-Fatal Sodium Nitrite (SN / NaNO2) Attempts: Member Methods & Experiences

Non-Fatal Sodium Nitrite (SN / NaNO2) Attempts: Member Methods & ExperiencesLast Updated: 2020.02.17 Mobile-Friendly Website Version THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE FOR IMPROVEMENT SO LONG AS YOU ARE ALIVE. PLEASE, INSTEAD OF SUICIDE, GIVE RECOVERY A CHANCE! YOU CAN REACH OUT TO THE NUMBERS BELOW: ...

docs.google.com

Thank you for the poorly translated and mobile tedious document. That was difficult to read lol. Actually, I'm not even going to bother to read the rest of it.

"There's always hope" Nice description there buddy lol. There isn't always hope. Hate to break it to you.

We'll see though. I'm still trying to debate if I want to attempt death or not. It's going to be a long conversation with myself. Luckily, I live alone.

 

[TowerUpright]

Thank you for the poorly translated and mobile tedious document. That was difficult to read lol. Actually, I'm not even going to bother to read the rest of it.

"There's always hope" Nice description there buddy lol. There isn't always hope. Hate to break it to you.

We'll see though. I'm still trying to debate if I want to attempt death or not. It's going to be a long conversation with myself. Luckily, I live alone.

Not sure if you made it below the disclaimer, but there is a list of people's experiences with failed SN attempts.

It is helpful to understand what they expected and experienced, if you want to know if it is painless.

My $0.02.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

Not sure if you made it below the disclaimer, but there is a list of people's experiences with failed SN attempts.

It is helpful to understand what they expected and experienced, if you want to know if it is painless.

My $0.02.

Truthfully, I read some of it.

So basically, A: No hotel. B: No panic dialing. C: Don't tell anyone. Act normal. D: No roommates or family. E: No loud music. And I should be successful? Oh, and I have a DNR order with a DNR bracelet. So with orders to allow a natural death and no resuscitation efforts, they would be unable to resuscitate me, in the event that my landlord makes her way inside my unit? (If they can even do that).

At 3 minutes, drowsy.
At 5 minutes, very drowsy but responsive.
At 12 minutes, unconscious.
At 15 minutes, deep sleep/unrousable.
At 25 minutes, steady increasing cyanosis, shallow breathing.
Death at 35 minutes?
And that's only if I'm able to keep it down. Okay.

Day 1 Friday

8:00am 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

4:00pm 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

12:00am 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

Day 2 Saturday

8:00am 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

9:00am Pancakes, scrambled eggs, and a glass of milk. (Breakfast). Last meal before dinner (the usual).

4:00pm 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

5:00pm Spaghetti and a glass of milk (Dinner). Last meal for the night.

10:50pm 2 X 500 mg Acetaminophen (1000mg)?

11:00pm 3 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan) (30mg in total)

11:30pm (Cimetidine OTC) Tagamet Acid Reducer HB, 200mg tablets, says "do not take more than 2 tablets in 24 hours", 2 tablets would be 400mg. I'll probably take 4 instead, which is 600mg? Sufficient?

11:50pm Take 1 tablet of Lorazepam (Ativan) 2mg, then rinse my mouth with antiseptic mint mouthwash, then try and numb my tongue using 5% Lidocaine, then use a numbing spray for the back of my throat that's designed to reduce (mildly numb) gag reflex during oral sex (No, I actually haven't used this before but came across this product lol).

12:00am SN drink (25 grams in 50ml water). Using a digital food scale and a 50ml Borosilicate 3.3 glass cup. I'll probably make 2 more just in case. Then, I'll hold my nose while trying to chug it all. I'll have the mouthwash on standby and a garbage bag as well. Then, I'll lay down on my bed with two bath towels under me and an open garbage bag nearby, perhaps leant against a chair next to my bed.

Any potential changes?

Nonetheless, before proceeding, I have a lot to think about. I'm still debating the pros and cons and trying to figure out if this is for the best.

If I do decide to proceed with this, which seems likely, I'll say my last farewell and if my death is successful, there would be no further correspondences from me.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

EDIT:

Day 1 Friday |NO FOOD AFTER MIDNIGHT

8:00am 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

4:00pm 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

12:00am 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

Day 2 Saturday |NO FOOD ALL DAY

8:00am 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

9̶:̶0̶0̶a̶m̶ ̶P̶a̶n̶c̶a̶k̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶a̶m̶b̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶e̶g̶g̶s̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶l̶a̶s̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶i̶l̶k̶.̶ ̶(̶B̶r̶e̶a̶k̶f̶a̶s̶t̶)̶.̶ ̶L̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ ̶(̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶u̶s̶u̶a̶l̶)̶.̶

4:00pm 1 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan)

5̶:̶0̶0̶p̶m̶ ̶S̶p̶a̶g̶h̶e̶t̶t̶i̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶l̶a̶s̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶i̶l̶k̶ ̶(̶D̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶)̶.̶ ̶L̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶

1̶0̶:̶5̶0̶p̶m̶ 11:30pm 2 X 500 mg Acetaminophen (1000mg)?

11:50pm 3 X 10mg Metoclopramide (Reglan) (30mg in total)

11:50pm (Cimetidine OTC) Tagamet Acid Reducer HB, 200mg tablets, says "do not take more than 2 tablets in 24 hours", 2 tablets would be 400mg. I'll probably take 4 anyway and instead, which is 600mg.

11:50pm T̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶1̶ Take 3 tablet of Lorazepam (Ativan) 6mg 2̶m̶g̶, then rinse my mouth with antiseptic mint mouthwash, then try and numb my tongue using 5% Lidocaine. t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶n̶u̶m̶b̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶p̶r̶a̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶r̶o̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶d̶e̶s̶i̶g̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶r̶e̶d̶u̶c̶e̶ ̶(̶m̶i̶l̶d̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶u̶m̶b̶)̶ ̶g̶a̶g̶ ̶r̶e̶f̶l̶e̶x̶ ̶d̶u̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶r̶a̶l̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶ ̶(̶N̶o̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶c̶r̶o̶s̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶t̶ ̶l̶o̶l̶)̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶.

11:52PM Prepare SN. I'll probably make 2̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ 1 more just in case.

12:00am SN drink (25 grams in 50ml water). Using a digital food scale and a 50ml Borosilicate 3.3 glass cup. Then, I'll hold my nose while trying to chug it all. I'll have the mouthwash on standby and a garbage bag as well. Then, I'll lay down on my bed with two bath towels under me and an open garbage bag nearby, perhaps leant against a chair next to my bed.

I just received word from the Vice President of my insurance company.

He said: "At this point you are unable to see any of the providers in our network that are appropriate to address your genital surgery needs, so I do not currently see a clear path forward. I informed you in the past that I will try to re-engage these providers, but I am not able to do this until you have a treatment plan in place with your community support services. When you do have a treatment plan in place for an appropriate amount of time agreed upon by you and your community therapist/counselor, we can discuss how we can assist with provider re-engagement. If you need assistance with locating support services in the community, please let me know."

Absolute bullshit. No one wants to help me get my body back to normal. I guess this is it for me. I ruined my life at 18 and now I'm 23. I'm just in shock that this is how my life has to end. There's not a chance in hell that I'm going to continue waking up every day in this damaged body.

I just ordered SN. It should be coming in this Sunday, but I won't execute the plan until next weekend, starting Friday April 16th.

I'm not going to say goodbye to those who know me.

I can't help but sit here and cry. If only I never listened to the medical and psychiatric community when I was 15. They deceived me when they told me that I could change my gender. Now it's over for me.

 

[fred farkle]

I just received word from the Vice President of my insurance company.

He said: "At this point you are unable to see any of the providers in our network that are appropriate to address your genital surgery needs, so I do not currently see a clear path forward. I informed you in the past that I will try to re-engage these providers, but I am not able to do this until you have a treatment plan in place with your community support services. When you do have a treatment plan in place for an appropriate amount of time agreed upon by you and your community therapist/counselor, we can discuss how we can assist with provider re-engagement. If you need assistance with locating support services in the community, please let me know."

Absolute bullshit. No one wants to help me get my body back to normal. I guess this is it for me. I ruined my life at 18 and now I'm 23. I'm just in shock that this is how my life has to end. There's not a chance in hell that I'm going to continue waking up every day in this damaged body.

I just ordered SN. It should be coming in this Sunday, but I won't execute the plan until next weekend, starting Friday April 16th.

I'm not going to say goodbye to those who know me.

I can't help but sit here and cry. If only I never listened to the medical and psychiatric community when I was 15. They deceived me when they told me that I could change my gender. Now it's over for me.

i really feel for you,friend. thes goddamn fucking quacks! they shouldnt be allowed to fuck with people like that.now its growing.more than ever with younger kids getting abused with puberty blockers and things lke that!
i hope you,against the odds,find a way to make it through this and get a decent life. you are an innocent victim of monsters!

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

i really feel for you,friend. thes goddamn fucking quacks! they shouldnt be allowed to fuck with people like that.now its growing.more than ever with younger kids getting abused with puberty blockers and things lke that!
i hope you,against the odds,find a way to make it through this and get a decent life. you are an innocent victim of monsters!

I wish I had the courage to massacre the entire hospitals throughout New York City. But I don't even have the courage to end my own life, so it's like I'm just stuck running in a cycle.

And then when I ask for help, I'm just ignored by the medical community.

And if I get mad, then somehow it's my fault.

I'm not going to hurt anyone, as that's the last thing I want to do. But I must end my life soon and I have to work the courage to actually follow through with dying.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I know I said that I would execute the plan next weekend (beginning Friday April 16th) but I'm so conflicted.

I want to believe my situation will change, but I don't see how that's possible.

I think it's probably for the best.

I feel like it's getting harder and harder for me. I just don't know what to do. I keep asking for help and I keep begging but no one gives a fuck.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I am so sorry for all your pain. Wish I could say something to make it better. I'm hoping someone can come through for your medical procedure so you don't have to use SN. I know I sound like a hypocrite cuz I want to die too.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I am so sorry for all your pain. Wish I could say something to make it better. I'm hoping someone can come through for your medical procedure so you don't have to use SN. I know I sound like a hypocrite cuz I want to die too.

You're right. The medical community has an ethical responsibility to restore my body, they're the ones that have done damage to it.

This week I'm going to try and get answers. There has to be somebody that can advocate for me, so I'm going to ask around.

Maybe my Mental Health counselors can help persuade my insurance company to persuade these surgeons to help me.

Or maybe I'm just running in circles and nothing matters at this point, but I'm going to push for a conference and try one more time. I think that's only fair.

I hate using social media, that's why I deactivated my accounts (except for SS, Tumblr, and Instagram). Every time I hear sirens I shiver. I always think to myself, "Oh no, are the Soviet--er, I mean the police, here to kick down my door and hospitalize me involuntarily? Are they here to arrest me for whatever reasons or infraction that I might have committed?"

Living in the city can be rough for anxiety lol. I just take an Ativan or smoke some weed to cope with my issues, watching the time pass by me.

 

[Computer Blue]

i really feel for you,friend. thes goddamn fucking quacks! they shouldnt be allowed to fuck with people like that.now its growing.more than ever with younger kids getting abused with puberty blockers and things lke that!
i hope you,against the odds,find a way to make it through this and get a decent life. you are an innocent victim of monsters!

I know, it is just horrible ... whatever happened to "First Do No Harm." You might expect such from the idiotic politicians that are pushing it but at least the doctors should say NO!

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I know, it is just horrible ... whatever happened to "First Do No Harm." You might expect such from the idiotic politicians that are pushing it but at least the doctors should say NO!

It all comes down to money. If I had a bag of cash, I probably would have every single surgeon lining up to help me. But I just have public health insurance. So I'm basically just a discarded asset with mental health issues. Who cares right? It's not like I'm anyone famous or important. I'm just a number and another casualty to medical complications.

 

[Computer Blue]

You're right. The medical community has an ethical responsibility to restore my body, they're the ones that have done damage to it.

This week I'm going to try and get answers. There has to be somebody that can advocate for me, so I'm going to ask around.

Maybe my Mental Health counselors can help persuade my insurance company to persuade these surgeons to help me.

Or maybe I'm just running in circles and nothing matters at this point, but I'm going to push for a conference and try one more time. I think that's only fair.

I hate using social media, that's why I deactivated my accounts (except for SS, Tumblr, and Instagram). Every time I hear sirens I shiver. I always think to myself, "Oh no, are the Soviet--er, I mean the police, here to kick down my door and hospitalize me involuntarily? Are they here to arrest me for whatever reasons or infraction that I might have committed?"

Living in the city can be rough for anxiety lol. I just take an Ativan or smoke some weed to cope with my issues, watching the time pass by me.

I am sorry for your situation. Can you not sue the surgeon that apparently botched the original job?

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I am sorry for your situation. Can you not sue the surgeon that apparently botched the original job?

Proving malpractice would mean I would have to have physical evidence that the surgeons intentionally caused harm. Photos are not considered sufficient evidence. How do you prove that a doctor caused you harm? They will argue that it was not their fault and that my body simply healed incorrectly. Plus, it would involve the lawyers and a trial. That takes years and a lot of money (money I don't have). There's also a statute of limitations which has already expired (2-3 years). It's been 4 years. Not to mention, they took out restraining orders against me because I cussed them out multiple times, which the Court considered "threatening" and "harassing".

I left California for New York thinking maybe there would be others willing to help me, but it's just different excuses now. Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, as well as NYU, suggested physical therapy and was basically like "Oh well".

I even reached out to a surgeon in Chicago who has experience with colon-vaginoplasty procedures and is rated as a psychopath, but his assistant told me "Surgeons don't like cleaning up others' mess." And when she brought up my case, he simply said "Not interested." She then told me "Sorry. But he has a 3 year waiting list anyway."

I made a public post about my experience on Reddit.

 

[suicidesheep31]

"At this point you are unable to see any of the providers in our network that are appropriate to address your genital surgery needs, so I do not currently see a clear path forward. I informed you in the past that I will try to re-engage these providers, but I am not able to do this until you have a treatment plan in place with your community support services. When you do have a treatment plan in place for an appropriate amount of time agreed upon by you and your community therapist/counselor, we can discuss how we can assist with provider re-engagement. If you need assistance with locating support services in the community, please let me know."

It seems that they want you to commit to a therapy before re-engaging in the process with you. Perhaps, you could start a therapy (if you can... and want...) and let them now that your are committed to it. I don't know the exact reason why they are waiting but maybe that they think that you need to be more 'stable' for them re-engaging...
It is just my guess

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

You're right. The medical community has an ethical responsibility to restore my body, they're the ones that have done damage to it.

This week I'm going to try and get answers. There has to be somebody that can advocate for me, so I'm going to ask around.

Maybe my Mental Health counselors can help persuade my insurance company to persuade these surgeons to help me.

Or maybe I'm just running in circles and nothing matters at this point, but I'm going to push for a conference and try one more time. I think that's only fair.

I hate using social media, that's why I deactivated my accounts (except for SS, Tumblr, and Instagram). Every time I hear sirens I shiver. I always think to myself, "Oh no, are the Soviet--er, I mean the police, here to kick down my door and hospitalize me involuntarily? Are they here to arrest me for whatever reasons or infraction that I might have committed?"

Living in the city can be rough for anxiety lol. I just take an Ativan or smoke some weed to cope with my issues, watching the time pass by me.

I hope they can finally decide to help. Why can't they just undo what they did? It pisses me off. If you have the chance to lead a normal life, I don't understand.
I understand what you mean about the police. Even though I got my SN last year the company I got it from still has a record of it. The more popular SN becomes and discussed here it makes me nervous. (And yet I'm still still talking about it)

I also can't CTB where I live. I can't do that to my roommates. I'm terrified of getting pulled over by the police and having them search my car. SN is legal in the U.S but I'm sure it's now on their "checklist".
I guess I'm way too paranoid.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

It seems that they want you to commit to a therapy before re-engaging in the process with you. Perhaps, you could start a therapy (if you can... and want...) and let them now that your are committed to it. I don't know the exact reason why they are waiting but maybe that they think that you need to be more 'stable' for them re-engaging...
It is just my guess

I've been in therapy since last year. Off and on. My mental health is becoming worse.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

"Sorry but he has a three year waiting list anyway" WTF !!! Who tells a patient that ???
I couldn't read the entire document... My tablet keeps messing up.
Just a thought... Maybe remove the actual document from here if you can or have the post deleted. You never know who is on here reading this. That is a lot of specific information.

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

I hope they can finally decide to help. Why can't they just undo what they did? It pisses me off. If you have the chance to lead a normal life, I don't understand.
I understand what you mean about the police. Even though I got my SN last year the company I got it from still has a record of it. The more popular SN becomes and discussed here it makes me nervous. (And yet I'm still still talking about it)

I also can't CTB where I live. I can't do that to my roommates. I'm terrified of getting pulled over by the police and having them search my car. SN is legal in the U.S but I'm sure it's now on their "checklist".
I guess I'm way too paranoid.

Probably because it can't be reversed and they just don't want to admit that.

I'm reaching my breaking point though. I can't keep living like this.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Probably because it can't be reversed and they just don't want to admit that.

I'm reaching my breaking point though. I can't keep living like this.

I am so sorry

 

[Evolutionary_Mistake]

Update:

The Vice President of my insurance company said that he has good relationships and connections with the surgeons in-network, and within the next 6 months he's going to get me a consultation for breast removal, and provided that I continue my sessions in therapy and continue to see my Case Manager of my Supportive Housing program, he and my mental health team will re-engage surgeons to help me repair my genital area by next year; he says that he doesn't think I'm unrepairable.

So, I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to do. I guess I'm mad that I received a glance of hope today, after 4 years of failure, but that probably doesn't make any sense. It's almost like I wanted to hear the absolute worst news possible so I could say, "Well this is it for me. Goodbye."

The waiting sucks, but compared to nothingness and my uncertainty of an afterlife, I guess I can wait a little longer and see what happens. I just want improvements in my life.

What do you think I should do? Is it worth waiting?

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I'd say yes, you can always ctb later so its definitely worth waiting