H
hopeless123
Member
- Sep 6, 2021
- 55
When I got my N, the sense of relief it provided was massive. My mind calmed, there's my exit. I went from trying to hang myself every other week, to start sorting other things in my life.
I'm now feeling fully suicidal again. I told my arresting officer that I don't want to die in public as I'm shy and scared but still the local car park is an option. I said I want to die in my own home in peace, I don't want people gawping at me as they to scrape me off the floor.
I had everything. I had 2 bottles of N, meto, that Oraljel stuff, the little scissors to cut the metal tab open, it was all sealed in a air tight bag, in a bag, in a bag in my salad drawer in my fridge. I felt like a smug little prick. I've finally got some control over my life.
I don't know any of you but all the time I was in a cell was thinkin about this forum. What I wanted to say to you and warn you. One of my arresting officers was 21 and I'm 48 and I had to tell him I cant move forward in my life any more and I want to die.
Who can I or anyone else openly talk about ending it apart from here.
Im waiting on a call or something from the mental health team and if I dont engage i will get prosecuted.
its really hit me hard today.
I'm now feeling fully suicidal again. I told my arresting officer that I don't want to die in public as I'm shy and scared but still the local car park is an option. I said I want to die in my own home in peace, I don't want people gawping at me as they to scrape me off the floor.
I had everything. I had 2 bottles of N, meto, that Oraljel stuff, the little scissors to cut the metal tab open, it was all sealed in a air tight bag, in a bag, in a bag in my salad drawer in my fridge. I felt like a smug little prick. I've finally got some control over my life.
I don't know any of you but all the time I was in a cell was thinkin about this forum. What I wanted to say to you and warn you. One of my arresting officers was 21 and I'm 48 and I had to tell him I cant move forward in my life any more and I want to die.
Who can I or anyone else openly talk about ending it apart from here.
Im waiting on a call or something from the mental health team and if I dont engage i will get prosecuted.
its really hit me hard today.