I got my first ever boyfriend at 28 only to be sexually assaulted by him

[FireFox]

Hello everyone i took a break from Sanctioned Suicide to try and give life another chance. I got a distinction in my law masters dissertation and after getting my final law grades I went travelling to Italy and Switzerland. In my final term of university I met my ever first boyfriend at 28 ( now ex) and his masters was in heritage management MA . I am 5ft and underweight as result of my eating disorder while my boyfriend let's call him X is 6ft 4in tall, lifts weights regularly and he was 23. I didnt care because I liked how he was funny and liked museums like me. I saw him as an equal but he saw me as a woman beneath him. His was spoiled rich mamas boy whose stuck up parents never taught him any responsibility and respect. 6 weeks into our at a public lunch X made a misogynist comment about his dead paternal grandmother and when I told him his behaviour was wrong his mum was defending him and she spoke down to me in a preachy tone. X let his mum put me down during the entire lunch while keeping quiet.

I was very open with him early in our relationship I never had a boyfriend and sex. X has had girlfriends and an active sex life before meeting me I admit i found it intimidating he knew more about sex than me. In our relationship he kept putting pressure on me to have sex. 1 week into our relationship he said " Losing your virginity is so worth it " and proposed a pratice run for sex. I said NO and he was not happy. When x is angry he always goes silent Iits scary

Every time I wanted to stop kissing he wants to continue and I went along because i didnt want to be the rejected woman again. Kissing and touching stopped when he decided it was over, Two months into our relationship he kept finding secluded spots in deep public London parks to sexually touch me and undress me. I couldn't understand how he was so confident underssing me outside and domaint in touching me. The worst if it was at a musuem garden when he asked to see my breasts all I just wanted was enjoy my hobby with my boyfriend. I began to get these embrassing episodes when he tried to pull me closer to him me involuntarily scream things " you are not wearing a condom " and he stops.

It finally got dangerous 3 weeks before Christmas. I organised an afternoon date for us to visit an enormous oriental food hall market during Christmas the food hall is decorated with a beautiful WinterWonderland village and afterwards the plan was to take him to a luxury shopping centre. I wore a velvet burgundy dress with my favourite pink shoes. I felt like a Disney princess and all I ever wanted was boyfriend to take to nice places and love everyday. The arsehole knew the PLAN and towards the end of the date it was starting to get dark. He kept pressing to go to a park. I said NO several times but he refused to let it go. He was always obessed with visiting this park in our relationship.

The park had NO lights and NO direction signs. The time we arrived it was total darkness. At the gate I warned him this is not safe because I saw there was deep mud everywhere. He kept pressing. I saw a map on his phone and I had no idea where it came from.

I said yes because I was fed up and tired. He didn't hold my hand and continuously walked far ahead of me. The entire park surface was slippery and deep mud puddles were everywhere. I got stuck in the darkness. I couldn't leave the park because there was NO exit signs and the park had different paths that took you deeper into the park. I had to get myself out and luckily found him. The park had a beautiful light view and The arsehole now wants to sexually touch me and doesn't care how scared I was being separated from him. My body froze for a bit when he touched me underneath my dress and I had an embrassing episode and screamed involvarlity things again because I panicked when he tried to pull closer to him on the bench.. I was lucky dog walkers came and I spotted him

I was confused and distressed meanwhile he asked me how would I feel if he got with another woman. I realised I scared him away with my embrassing episodes. He did buy tissues for my ruined shoes and he kissed me when I waited for the bus. He does care

At home my family were furious I came home muddy and blamed me for not saying NO. I tried to explain but my mum was screaming " he wanted to do 1 more thing thats how you get killed " and my grandmother is siding with her saying I should I have said NO. X gaslight me asking why didnt I say no ? He was furious at me for telling my family we visited a dark park in Winter. I was punished for his idea. The tissues now began to make sense.

Telling my family he sexually assaulted me was not an option because my family in the past victim women for getting raped they say " why did she walk home at 5.00am in park" etc

We are not together anymore because he cared about the opinions of his racist white parents who were embrassed their son was dating a black woman from a working class migrant family, his past girlfriends were rich and white like him. He dumped me because he wanted a girlfriend to make his social status look good and he was saw me as an embrassimg girlfriend who made him look bad. Before our breakup he was furious I refused to sleep with him and spent the relationship punishing me over my decision to say NO because I wanted to take time. He gulit tripped over it and was so cruel. He even complained that he was used to getting sex from women who were his past girlfriends.

 

[suncide10]

I'm sorry about what happened to you. No one deserves to go through shit like this.
I wish you to find a someone who will truly love you and respect your boundaries.

 

[pk@2001]

I felt really sorry for you as you had to go through this..
Please recover in the mean time and I hope a pure soul like yours will surely get the one who you have seriously desires for

 

[Cauliflour]

You deserve better anyway. Don't bring yourself down because of some spoilt asshole. At least now you know the warning signs so if you ever get into another relationship, you know what to avoid. You seem to be well educated considering you said you studied law and have been travelling, so you should look for people that respect your education as it's clear this guy didn't.

 

[ForestGhost]

Oh FireFox... I followed your story before because I related quite a lot to you (I was 30 before getting my first boyfriend last year). I am very happy to hear from you again, but that sounds like quite a nightmare. He had no right to repeatedly violate you like that, especially in public spaces... really, wtf! It seems like ultimately the trash took itself out, but it's still difficult for a first relationship to end on those terms, I understand.

I'm very glad you were able to pass your law degree though! It sounds like you have quite a bright career ahead of you, and I think plenty of men who can deal with relationship conflicts in an adult way would count themselves lucky to have you as a partner.

 

[maggineko]

Hello everyone i took a break from Sanctioned Suicide to try and give life another chance. I got a distinction in my law masters dissertation and after getting my final law grades I went travelling to Italy and Switzerland. In my final term of university I met my ever first boyfriend at 28 ( now ex) and his masters was in heritage management MA . I am 5ft and underweight as result of my eating disorder while my boyfriend let's call him X is 6ft 4in tall, lifts weights regularly and he was 23. I didnt care because I liked how he was funny and liked museums like me. I saw him as an equal but he saw me as a woman beneath him. His was spoiled rich mamas boy whose stuck up parents never taught him any responsibility and respect. 6 weeks into our at a public lunch X made a misogynist comment about his dead paternal grandmother and when I told him his behaviour was wrong his mum was defending him and she spoke down to me in a preachy tone. X let his mum put me down during the entire lunch while keeping quiet.

I was very open with him early in our relationship I never had a boyfriend and sex. X has had girlfriends and an active sex life before meeting me I admit i found it intimidating he knew more about sex than me. In our relationship he kept putting pressure on me to have sex. 1 week into our relationship he said " Losing your virginity is so worth it " and proposed a pratice run for sex. I said NO and he was not happy. When x is angry he always goes silent Iits scary

Every time I wanted to stop kissing he wants to continue and I went along because i didnt want to be the rejected woman again. Kissing and touching stopped when he decided it was over, Two months into our relationship he kept finding secluded spots in deep public London parks to sexually touch me and undress me. I couldn't understand how he was so confident underssing me outside and domaint in touching me. The worst if it was at a musuem garden when he asked to see my breasts all I just wanted was enjoy my hobby with my boyfriend. I began to get these embrassing episodes when he tried to pull me closer to him me involuntarily scream things " you are not wearing a condom " and he stops.

It finally got dangerous 3 weeks before Christmas. I organised an afternoon date for us to visit an enormous oriental food hall market during Christmas the food hall is decorated with a beautiful WinterWonderland village and afterwards the plan was to take him to a luxury shopping centre. I wore a velvet burgundy dress with my favourite pink shoes. I felt like a Disney princess and all I ever wanted was boyfriend to take to nice places and love everyday. The arsehole knew the PLAN and towards the end of the date it was starting to get dark. He kept pressing to go to a park. I said NO several times but he refused to let it go. He was always obessed with visiting this park in our relationship.

The park had NO lights and NO direction signs. The time we arrived it was total darkness. At the gate I warned him this is not safe because I saw there was deep mud everywhere. He kept pressing. I saw a map on his phone and I had no idea where it came from.

I said yes because I was fed up and tired. He didn't hold my hand and continuously walked far ahead of me. The entire park surface was slippery and deep mud puddles were everywhere. I got stuck in the darkness. I couldn't leave the park because there was NO exit signs and the park had different paths that took you deeper into the park. I had to get myself out and luckily found him. The park had a beautiful light view and The arsehole now wants to sexually touch me and doesn't care how scared I was being separated from him. My body froze for a bit when he touched me underneath my dress and I had an embrassing episode and screamed involvarlity things again because I panicked when he tried to pull closer to him on the bench.. I was lucky dog walkers came and I spotted him

I was confused and distressed meanwhile he asked me how would I feel if he got with another woman. I realised I scared him away with my embrassing episodes. He did buy tissues for my ruined shoes and he kissed me when I waited for the bus. He does care

At home my family were furious I came home muddy and blamed me for not saying NO. I tried to explain but my mum was screaming " he wanted to do 1 more thing thats how you get killed " and my grandmother is siding with her saying I should I have said NO. X gaslight me asking why didnt I say no ? He was furious at me for telling my family we visited a dark park in Winter. I was punished for his idea. The tissues now began to make sense.

Telling my family he sexually assaulted me was not an option because my family in the past victim women for getting raped they say " why did she walk home at 5.00am in park" etc

We are not together anymore because he cared about the opinions of his racist white parents who were embrassed their son was dating a black woman from a working class migrant family, his past girlfriends were rich and white like him. He dumped me because he wanted a girlfriend to make his social status look good and he was saw me as an embrassimg girlfriend who made him look bad. Before our breakup he was furious I refused to sleep with him and spent the relationship punishing me over my decision to say NO because I wanted to take time. He gulit tripped over it and was so cruel. He even complained that he was used to getting sex from women who were his past girlfriends.

I'm so freaking sorry, this was a terrible situation to be in, and I'm glad you're not with him anymore. Still, please stay safe, and take your time to recover physically and mentally. Hope you find someone that makes you feel loved and safe, there's always love even in the smallest corners of life you deserve someone who respects you and loves you.

 

[Gild-Holm-’Ur]

You are such a kind person to have to endure that.

I will say I met truly wonderful people in my 30's and 50's. (I self-sabotaged both relationships because I have internalized some bad events from my younger years)

 

[anonymoususer278387]

you are not alone. we freeze out of fear. it's not your fault.

 

[FireFox]

you are not alone. we freeze out of fear. it's not your fault.

@anonymoususer278387 I never ever thought sexual assault would happen to me because all my life I was the werid girl none of the boys wanted at school and in adulthood I was always never any guys option. I was so used to being the undesirable one I thought I was untouchable. I rate myself average and boring looking so I thought women like me don't get sexually assaulted

I'm so freaking sorry, this was a terrible situation to be in, and I'm glad you're not with him anymore. Still, please stay safe, and take your time to recover physically and mentally. Hope you find someone that makes you feel loved and safe, there's always love even in the smallest corners of life you deserve someone who respects you and loves you.

@maggineko I am damaged goods during an argument I had with my ex he said there is a reason why I failed with men all the years. He is right only at 28 I got boyfriend because none of the boys at school, university and adulthood wanted me. I put so much effort in all my encounters with men I remember everything guys tell me about their birthdays, hobbies, aspirations and I care about every detail but still they reject me for other woman

I have the natural confidence to talk to people in social settings and not afraid to take the lead but every guy i ever liked felt threatened by it and saw me as "pushy" and the "werid" one. My ex thought I was werid for enjoying going to places by myself he said I am the " exception" to the social norms of society where everyone does fun things with friends. Before my ex met me he relied on friends to go out to places.

I will never be good enough and will always be the weird girl now woman for some reason these males enjoy bullying and humilaitng.

 

[NonEssential]

Lots of horrible people out there. Very sorry to hear all that happened to you.

 

[FireFox]

I felt really sorry for you as you had to go through this..
Please recover in the mean time and I hope a pure soul like yours will surely get the one who you have seriously desires for

@pk@2001 I will never be good enough for anyone I love. I try so hard in all my experiences of guys but still they choose other women over me. I was a nothing but a loving girlfriend to my ex boyfriend. I took him to places he has never been before In London. As a Londoner I love recommending the fun places the tourists dont know and only we Londoners know. I emotionally supported him in his unemployment and listened to his problems. All I ever wanted was a boyfriend to love everyday this is what I ended up with for a first boyfriend

Two weeks after I decided not to have sex with him he asked me on a Romantic date to a Castle how would I feel if he got with another woman ? He even said " at least i took you to a nice castle"

I never be good enough for anyone his question hurt so much because all day I thought how can he desire other women when he has one who loves him everyday. He spent the relationship resenting my decision not to have sex with him. I made a last minute decision not have sex with him. This was 2 months after he sexually assualted me. I originally agreed to sex because I wanted him to love me but I had difficultly trusting him even before the sexual assault happened.

Lots of horrible people out there. Very sorry to hear all that happened to you.

@NonEssential I want to die because I will never be good enough for any man I love. I really wanted a boyfriend and since being dumped I can't see myself being chosen by another man..

When I was celebrating my law grades ex boyfriend said to me " You are lucky i am patient no man will ever put up with you" I stayed because he was 100% right. He shared my hobby of museum visiting and constantly affectionate. As a teenager I was nobody's crush at school because the boys relentlessly builled me for being the weird girl and nobody wanted to be seem with me. In adulthood I asked guys out and at the last minute they turn me down. My ex is handsome 6ft 4in he will have options and I don't have options. Men feel intimidated by me because it's natural for me to lead in social situations and drive the agenda

I tolerated all his abuse because i couldn't envision myself with another man choosing me, taking me to museums and giving me affection because all my life no guy wanted to know me. Everyone got their turn at 18. 20, 25 etc and I didnt want to lose my turn at 28. Its too long

When I resch my 30s I am ending my life because 30s it is harder to meet a man and I don't have options. No matter how I hard I try guys reject me

My first relationship ended in failure there is no hope anymore

 

[FireFox]

Oh FireFox... I followed your story before because I related quite a lot to you (I was 30 before getting my first boyfriend last year). I am very happy to hear from you again, but that sounds like quite a nightmare. He had no right to repeatedly violate you like that, especially in public spaces... really, wtf! It seems like ultimately the trash took itself out, but it's still difficult for a first relationship to end on those terms, I understand.

I'm very glad you were able to pass your law degree though! It sounds like you have quite a bright career ahead of you, and I think plenty of men who can deal with relationship conflicts in an adult way would count themselves lucky to have you as a partner.

@ForestGhost Thank you for being able to relate to my story and its nice to hear you got your first boyfriend at 30. Its my fault after my 28th birthday in May I went into deep depression over how I keep failing with men so I ignored ALL the red flags and settled for him. I was tired of never being chosen no matter how hard I try and I wanted it to be my turn. Everyone got their turn at 16, 18, 20. 21 etc

During the first date he humiliated me. He told the waitress in a musuem cafe that I am 5 years older than him it was so embrassing. I didnt care he was 5 years younger than me I just liked how he liked museums like me and I found someone I can share my hobby with since I don't have friends. Later in the date when we were sitting down he grabbed my bum and I said NO. He did stop and few minutes later he grabbed my breast and I said NO but he did stop. He tried to pull me closer to him and I said NO.

He wanted a second date in his house during evening hours and I said NO because he is a stranger. We only knew each other for a week.

The day we became a couple 15 to 20 minutes into our relationship he was feeling my breasts and I told him to stop since we were in a public park packed full of visitors. He called my breasts " melons". 1 week into the relationship he said " Losing your virginity is so worth it " and he proposed a pratice run for sex in September and I said NO. he was getting upset.

September he sexually assualted me in a secluded part of a North London park on the day he told me he loved me. He pulled down my underwear without my consent and smacked my buttocks. I said no and he processed to stroke my bum. I blocked it out and created a lie that he will never hurt me and since its not rape it can't be serious. It happened again in December 3 weeks before Christmas

You deserve better anyway. Don't bring yourself down because of some spoilt asshole. At least now you know the warning signs so if you ever get into another relationship, you know what to avoid. You seem to be well educated considering you said you studied law and have been travelling, so you should look for people that respect your education as it's clear this guy didn't.

@Cauliflour I have been in therapy and joined a walking group . I have now to come terms with the fact if my ex and I were still together he was going to kill me in the end. On dates he had a history of abandoning me in places j don't know

In our relationship he was so obessed with this visiting this park in a suburb neighbourhood. On all our dates he NEVER EVER organises a day trip to visit this park but when i organise something he now keeps bringing up a visit to this park. Its so frustrating. First it happened when I was celebrating my law grades over lunch with him in October. I said NO because the plan was we have lunch together and i show him a historical building nearby. We are both history and hertiage lovers. He brings up the park visit and i said NO. In December i organised for us to go have lunch in a food hall in my neighbourhood and visit a shopping centre nearby. At the Shopping centre he kept bringing up this park and I said NO because i wasn't in the mood. Several times I said NO and j got fed up and said yes. He just wouldn't let it go.

On the bus journey he was questioning me if I have BPD. He has a history of labelling women BPD and i didn't understand why. The "park" was an enormous nature reserve, the arsehole lied. My ex suddenly pulled out a map and I have no idea where it came from !

Since my breakup I now realised if I disappeared in that dark park he was NOT help me and will paint me a crazy to the authorities and my family hence the BPD questioning before we got to the park.

In our relationship I was the adventurous one who loved doing indoor rock climbing and visiting museums and places by myself. My ex as a person I was a spolied boring rich mamas boy who was used to having regular museum dates and expensive meals in London restaurants with his past upper middle class girlfriends. My dates I organised were quite fun. I took him hill walking to see the sunset at Northala Fields Park because I am adventurous like that

If I went missing on a date organised by me and not hjm he can say it wss my idea.

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry about what happened to you. No one deserves to go through shit like this.
I wish you to find a someone who will truly love you and respect your boundaries.

@suncide10 All I ever wanted was to be chosen because I was fed up of being the woman nobody wanted. I have NO happy memories from my 1st relationship.

All my life i was the weird girl now woman . It was finally wonderful having a guy that admired my adventurous side and confidence to take the lead while all my life men ran away from it and saw me as a werido or too much. This was why I stayed in the relationship because I couldn't see myself being accepted like this by another man.

How wrong I was as the relationship progressed he grew to resent ALL those features he admired about me. First he complained I talk too much and he hated my law achievements. He studied a degree in Heritage management and got a low pass in his dissertation. I got a distinction in my law dissertation and during my lunch to celebrate he spent the putting me down. The menu was in his hand and said " you are lucky I am patient no man will ever put up with you" and I believed he was right. He complained about having to pay a £50 meal bill for me and himself but in his last relationship he spend over £100 on his girlfriend and himself meals. He comes from an upper middle class family and he is a very high spender. He buys designer clothes always and has expensive tastes. On my own special day getting my law grades he couldn't celebrate me . He even spent the day asking me if how would I feel losing my virginity in a car ?

During our first couples day trip outside of London my ex was not happy seeing me enjoying an art show at a pretty small church I found by chance. I was enjoying the art, talking to people as that is who I am and just loving the beautiful church architecture. This is who I am as a person. He didn't stand next me and he looked irritated. At my own university graduation he was even controlling and possessive. He came uninvited and wanted me to dump my family to go with him to see a far building he wanted to see. I said NO and he was furious. His anger was visible for my family to see on full display

It was so intimidating because my family are all 4ft to 5ft 1 inch range and he was 6ft 4in tall. It was like having an angry giant invading a village of little people.