I get this brutal feeling that I am just a biological failure and it makes me unable to feel sorry for myself.

[hhtroc]

All my life I have been treated worse than I should have. I have now severe BDD but I also am objectively ugly and deformed. I am isolating since like forever and pretty much no one has ever cared for me deeply or hugged me when I felt down. I am kind and I guess a good person but every time I want to cry about the cruelness of this situation I get these thoughts like "does an animal that gets rejected by everyone because it was born with only 3 legs, lets say a zebra, cry for itself?". It totally kills my ego and my humanity, slowly but surely, i dont even consider myself a real person anymore, worthy of being felt sorry for. I am just a terrifying byproduct of evolution, hormones going wrong, neglect and abuse. There is no payoff for me but it would be nice if i could atleast feel sorry for myself. Right now I just feel like this is my destiny and it is what it is...


Therapists tell my by isolating i avoided making good irl connections but I am pretty sure by isolating i just was able to survive as the constant hate and bullying would have killed me much earlier. Society would have shown me my place and I just ignored it for too long.

 

[ManchildLoser]

All my life I have been treated worse than I should have. I have now severe BDD but I also am objectively ugly and deformed. I am isolating since like forever and pretty much no one has ever cared for me deeply or hugged me when I felt down. I am kind and I guess a good person but every time I want to cry about the cruelness of this situation I get these thoughts like "does an animal that gets rejected by everyone because it was born with only 3 legs, lets say a zebra, cry for itself?". It totally kills my ego and my humanity, slowly but surely, i dont even consider myself a real person anymore, worthy of being felt sorry for. I am just a terrifying byproduct of evolution, hormones going wrong, neglect and abuse. There is no payoff for me but it would be nice if i could atleast feel sorry for myself. Right now I just feel like this is my destiny and it is what it is...


Therapists tell my by isolating i avoided making good irl connections but I am pretty sure by isolating i just was able to survive as the constant hate and bullying would have killed me much earlier. Society would have shown me my place and I just ignored it for too long.

I feel the same...i dont want to go outside and meet people because i know its just going to hurt.

I also feel like im not biologicaly ( Or genetically) good enough to fit in society...its like being trash and nobody wants you.

But by logic reasoning, if you look at nature, it can be extremely cruel. For exemple, if a group of gazelle are running away from a predator, and one of them is weak and cant catch up to the group, they just going to leave him to die to save themselves. The laws of nature is the strong survive and reproduce, and the weak dies without offsprings. Its really brutal, and its the same for humans, thats the truth.

This is how i feel, and you too i suppose, we just cant compete and dont fit in, due to bad luck.

Its like being a broken toy. No child will want to repair that broken toy, just replace it with a new shiny one.

Thats what life taught me. Its Brutal.

 

[hhtroc]

hmu if u wanna partner

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wish you could be kinder yo yourself to be able to pity yourself. Perhaps it isn't a great quality in itself but, you do deserve kindness at least. From yourself, if no one else.

It's true we came from the animal kingdom but, debatably, we have a heightened sense of awareness, self reflection and empathy. Ok, the three legged zebra may not wallow in self pity. It may not also feel so bad for its brother being ripped to pieces by a lion over there. It may well just think- 'Shit- a lion! Looks like it got my brother instead of me. Phew. Shall I go and help? Nah... that patch of grass looks tasty.' That's not to say all animals don't feel sadness or empathy. But, do we begrudge the ones that seem to? Whales pushing along their dead calves for miles? Elephants picking up the bones of ancestors, zoo animals becoming stressed and depressed? No, we almost celebrate how sensitive they are. Why shouldn't you be too?

As to where you go with it, that's more complicated. It probably is better (maybe) to try to be social. That's something I've shyed away from too. I'm kind of fortunate though in that, I think it may affect me less. I don't tend to feel lonely that much. My imagination is pretty good for filling in other needs. My pillow is great for hugging.

I suppose in a way, we've both discovered a watered down way to be social- this forum. It's certainly better than nothing I feel. There's no concern about worrying about our appearance. We can pick and choose who we talk to. It's a generally friendly place.

I suppose if you still really desire more though, it will involve the risk of rejection. I guess you have to weigh up if that feels worth it. I wish you could find a bit of self love or, at least self acceptance/ forgiveness though in addition. You deserve to not be so mean to yourself! We probably all need to learn that one though. I read a self help book by Paul McKenna once who said- picture someone walking up to you in the street and voicing that nagging voice in your head. You wouldn't put up with it or, at least- you'd think them a horrible, rude person so- why do we do it to ourselves?

 

[hhtroc]

I wish you could be kinder yo yourself to be able to pity yourself. Perhaps it isn't a great quality in itself but, you do deserve kindness at least. From yourself, if no one else.

It's true we came from the animal kingdom but, debatably, we have a heightened sense of awareness, self reflection and empathy. Ok, the three legged zebra may not wallow in self pity. It may not also feel so bad for its brother being ripped to pieces by a lion over there. It may well just think- 'Shit- a lion! Looks like it got my brother instead of me. Phew. Shall I go and help? Nah... that patch of grass looks tasty.' That's not to say all animals don't feel sadness or empathy. But, do we begrudge the ones that seem to? Whales pushing along their dead calves for miles? Elephants picking up the bones of ancestors, zoo animals becoming stressed and depressed? No, we almost celebrate how sensitive they are. Why shouldn't you be too?

As to where you go with it, that's more complicated. It probably is better (maybe) to try to be social. That's something I've shyed away from too. I'm kind of fortunate though in that, I think it may affect me less. I don't tend to feel lonely that much. My imagination is pretty good for filling in other needs. My pillow is great for hugging.

I suppose in a way, we've both discovered a watered down way to be social- this forum. It's certainly better than nothing I feel. There's no concern about worrying about our appearance. We can pick and choose who we talk to. It's a generally friendly place.

I suppose if you still really desire more though, it will involve the risk of rejection. I guess you have to weigh up if that feels worth it. I wish you could find a bit of self love or, at least self acceptance/ forgiveness though in addition. You deserve to not be so mean to yourself! We probably all need to learn that one though. I read a self help book by Paul McKenna once who said- picture someone walking up to you in the street and voicing that nagging voice in your head. You wouldn't put up with it or, at least- you'd think them a horrible, rude person so- why do we do it to ourselves?

Appreciate the response. On your last point, I WOULD put up with it cause im a little bitch who is used to it. I would think them a horrible person that is right. But right now, I also think that if they cant stop themselves due to me being this offending, then thats just nature.