I genuinely feel like I'm bad person, I wish I could be one of the good ones

[ChocoPie]

I feel like I'm such a bad person, there r so many times when I can't understand how my actions affect others, sometimes I can't sympathise with others and I have to be reminded the effect I'm having on others...I do continuously try to understand and put myself in place of others but I mess up whenever I get overwhelmingly happy or sad..still I understand how important it is to be a good person so I try to act like one...so that I would get loved, respected and praised like a 'good person', I also want to look good in my own eyes but I might just be acting like all good for very selfish reasons....I hate myself so much, I wish I was a genuine good person

 

[developic]

I feel like I'm such a bad person, there r so many times when I can't understand how my actions affect others, sometimes I can't sympathise with others and I have to be reminded the effect I'm having on others...I do continuously try to understand and put myself in place of others but I mess up whenever I get overwhelmingly happy or sad..still I understand how important it is to be a good person so I try to act like one...so that I would get loved, respected and praised like a 'good person', I also want to look good in my own eyes but I might just be acting like all good for very selfish reasons....I hate myself so much, I wish I was a genuine good person

You can js try hard to become it

 

[Dejected 55]

So, here's the thing... A truly bad person wouldn't care at all about how anything affects anyone else.

The very fact that you are sitting and thinking, reflecting, considering you may be a bad person puts you ahead of them by miles. Are you good? Not up to me to say... but you can't be bad and consider it sincerely as you are.

 

[ChocoPie]

I know but I feel like I'm only acting like one all the time, I get irritated and mad at things I shouldn't, how do I change it ? How do I change what I feel in certain situations?

The best thing I know is to act like I'm a compassionate good person while I'm burning from inside, it is all just a facade ..... that's why I hate myself, maybe I was just born like this but obviously that doesn't mean I'll give in and let my impulsive side control myself as that would just cause more harm and I will hate myself even more, all I can do is try and act to be a good one till I finally CTB, damn there r so many reasons for me not to be alive..

You can js try hard to become it

 

[Cowboy_Kid]

What is important is the fact that, ultimately, despite you struggling with these thoughts, you still actively choose to do good. Even if it's not second nature. Even if you have to force yourself to do so. Even if it's not your first instinct to do so.
Actions affect people. If you do something nice for a friend, acquaintance, a stranger, these people won't have an insight into your inner world - they are not mind readers; but, what they will get out of such scenario is you helping them! That's what matters. I think we don't fully have control over our feelings and inner worlds - but we do have control over our actions.
With that being said, you are allowed to feel at unease when you are dealing with dark thoughts. But, if you ask me, the fact that you still do good things despite them it what matters.

 

[ChocoPie]

So, here's the thing... A truly bad person wouldn't care at all about how anything affects anyone else.

The very fact that you are sitting and thinking, reflecting, considering you may be a bad person puts you ahead of them by miles. Are you good? Not up to me to say... but you can't be bad and consider it sincerely as you are.

Thanks, I knew someone would say this... but to me it seems like reflecting isn't enough when I still feel all the negative emotions like jealousy, hatred, envy...towards others....I catch myself doing good things mostly for that tag so I could get myself to think positive abt me...I do understand and feel sad for others many times but when I help someone it's more like 'I did something good' instead of 'glad that the person in need got the help they needed', it's like collecting points deseparately to somehow not hate myself, I feel like the motive matters too... maybe I'm overthinking this too much but it's time to accept what I've been actually doing all my life.

Everything I do is always and always abt myself so I won't hate myself in the future.

What is important is the fact that, ultimately, despite you struggling with these thoughts, you still actively choose to do good. Even if it's not second nature. Even if you have to force yourself to do so. Even if it's not your first instinct to do so.
Actions affect people. If you do something nice for a friend, acquaintance, a stranger, these people won't have an insight into your inner world - they are not mind readers; but, what they will get out of such scenario is you helping them! That's what matters. I think we don't fully have control over our feelings and inner worlds - but we do have control over our actions.
With that being said, you are allowed to feel at unease when you are dealing with dark thoughts. But, if you ask me, the fact that you still do good things despite them it what matters.

 

[Dejected 55]

Thanks, I knew someone would say this... but to me it seems like reflecting isn't enough when I still feel all the negative emotions like jealousy, hatred, envy...towards others....I catch myself doing good things mostly for that tag so I could get myself to think positive abt me...I do understand and feel sad for others many times but when I help someone it's more like 'I did something good' instead of 'glad that the person in need got the help they needed', it's like collecting points deseparately to somehow not hate myself, I feel like the motive matters too... maybe I'm overthinking this too much but it's time to accept what I've been actually doing all my life.

Everything I do is always and always abt myself so I won't hate myself in the future.

We can't always help others. We can't always help ourselves. Being unable to help someone doesn't make you bad. Honestly, you don't even need to feel like you "must" help others in order to not be bad. There is a lot of pain in the world, and a lot of bad people intentionally causing pain OR at least not caring if they cause pain as long as they gain something. People who can't help or are unable to help or maybe even just don't want to help in any specific situation shouldn't feel bad because of that. It's backwards for you to blame yourself for that if you aren't the cause of the problem in the first place.

And I can't stress it enough... bad people don't stress over this sort of thing. They just don't. Even if you feel like you're only caring to be selfish and feel good about yourself... that's still better and indicative of not being bad. Not being perfect doesn't equal bad. Lots of imperfect people, virtually everyone is imperfect, and flaws and mistakes and imperfections aren't inherently bad.

I'll also argue that helping others to make yourself feel good is a lesser sin by far than hurting others to make yourself feel good. I fall on the other side in some ways in that I don't like feeling good about helping. I feel guilty if I feel good about helping someone, because I wonder if that motivated me to help. But, I take my own advice and realize that IF I help or try to help and a part of me feels good for trying... that doesn't make my desire to help less genuine. I wasn't doing it to feel good, I was doing it because it was right and IF I get a good feeling about it, that is just something that happens. It wasn't the driving force.

That said... there are times in my life, I'll relate one for an example... for many years in school I was bullied and isolated and ostracized. Details are not important, but for years... until we moved and I started over in a new school. In the new school I wasn't Mr Popularity, but life was just normal. It was a radical change for me to not be bullied and hit and isolated all the time. One day, I was in the cafeteria for lunch waiting for a friend to join me. I saw a girl sit by herself at another table. I witnessed a table next to her of mean kids who were talking to her and saying things about her friend being quiet... basically they were picking on her because she was alone at lunch. I actually knew this girl. We weren't friends, and barely talked but I did technically know her. I sat there, hearing what was going on and eventually watching as she left, sadly, to get away from those ridiculing her. I still think about that sometimes, like now... and I remember back then thinking that I should have done something. I wish so much that I had gotten up and walked to her table and said something like, "Hey didn't you see we were sitting at a different table? I wondered why you hadn't sat with us." And invited her to join us in a way that helped her without embarrassing her like I was doing charity. It would have been a small kind gesture and that day I didn't do anything.

Am I a bad person? I wonder sometimes. I wasn't fully a good person, because a good person would have done something for her. But I don't think I'm a bad person because I regret it. I don't know if that helps at all.

 

[Nightfoot]

There are no good or bad people, there are just people. Everyone has the same emotions like jealousy or anger, and we all fail to do the right thing at times. The ones closest to being bad are the ones who don't care when they've done wrong. To be human is to be imperfect.

 

[Pale_Rider]

True bad people do bad things, and never care one bit. You're clearly not one of those people.