Venting i fucking love my friends [messy rant/vent]

[turbomightbegone]

same old rant about being indecisive abt cbt,, i feel like I suffer from bpd as I have severe mood swings, however I feel like I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my few friends.

s and c. don't wanna say their names here for privacy reasons.

I hate how they're online friends,,,,, I hate how I cant fucking hug them or thank them or even hold their hand,, i hate how random people on the internet can b more caring than my own family,,,,,,1,,1

holy fuck I wanna hug them sobbabdddd,,, they mean so much to m,,, I just wanna hug them they mean everything to me

if it weren't for them I probably wouldve jumped from that pier at the beach ohhmyggo

i worry abt c so much!!!!1 he is suffering due to his family and it makes me so angry,, I wanna save him from that place I hate how they abuse himmmmggg, I hate how they cause him to fucjing burn hismekf

i love s,, she is so kind with a loving familky and she misses me as much as I miss herr!!! although I worry because I vent to her the most,,,,, she cried in a call because of me, I ended up letginh out everything to her and she found out I was cutting and I feel so bad its all my fault

i hate how I make their lives worsje I hate how I ruin them both,,, I hate how my problems are affecting them they don't deserve it

both of them panic when I talk about cbt they both beg in my dms not to do sooo,, i hate myself for hurting them so much they worry all day for m

i wanna fall asleep in their arms… I really do. I want them to live their lives if I decide to go.

I love my friends s and c. they are everything.