Venting I finally decided to do it.

[ender boy]

I've been lying to myself telling myself it will get better. I have been telling myself there is a way out.

I was trying to bring the best out in my life and myself. But nobody loves me. Nobody needs me. Nobody understands me.

Everybody just wants to hear that i'm okay. People only like me when i'm okay. People hate you when you're at your worst. Nobody truly cares about your feelings. They just want to feel like a saviour, they just want to fix you. They will never accept that you can't be fixed. They will never learn to love you the way you are.

So i decided to end this. I have so much to give, i have so much value, i have so many things i wanted to create but i'm just tired.

I have nobody to turn to. I have nobody to talk to. I just want to get high out of my mind and hang myself.

I wish others could have loved me the way i loved them.

 

[cazza82]

You can talk to me I'll listen

 

[BradGuy123]

I'm sorry you're going through this. There is a community of people here who will listen to you. Have you thought of going to a therapist? I went to one recently (literally this week), and she was helpful. I will warn you. If you mention ending things to a therapist he or she will ask questions to determine how likely it is that you will go through with it soon. In my state if the therapist determines that the threat is imminent they are required to notify law enforcement.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Everybody just wants to hear that i'm okay. People only like me when i'm okay. People hate you when you're at your worst. Nobody truly cares about your feelings. They just want to feel like a saviour, they just want to fix you. They will never accept that you can't be fixed. They will never learn to love you the way you are.

I think the realization that no one truely cares is what pushed me over the edge too.

That, and the realization that I can't fix the issues I have, no natter how hard I try.

Good luck, I wish you the best

 

[ender boy]

I'm sorry you're going through this. There is a community of people here who will listen to you. Have you thought of going to a therapist? I went to one recently (literally this week), and she was helpful. I will warn you. If you mention ending things to a therapist he or she will ask questions to determine how likely it is that you will go through with it soon. In my state if the therapist determines that the threat is imminent they are required to notify law enforcement.

I've been to therapy before, for about a year. I went to her because i was suicidal, and i really believed therapy could help. It simply just didn't.
I don't think it was her fault. I just think i'm an impossible case. Childhood depression and trauma, i'm just unable to feel anything anymore and cope by rationalizing everything.

Turns out life is really boring and hard when you can't be happy, or even sad properly.

I think the realization that no one truely cares is what pushed me over the edge too.

That, and the realization that I can't fix the issues I have, no natter how hard I try.

Good luck, I wish you the best

Thank you.

I've been keeping alive in hopes that i can help people around me and make a difference in their life but by now i just feel used and thrown aside when not needed.

I'm exhausted.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry that you are feeling so bad, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for

 

[Alexandra_]

I'm sorry. Life is very unfair. I hope you can find peace