Discussion i feel very incompetent. i dont see a future for myself. im gonna die sooner or later.

[vold3m0r†]

I dont even know how to begin this lol.

I honestly dont see a future for myself, i have poor life skills. I have a terrible fear of making phone calls, it even interfered with my previous office job.
It sometimes gets to the point where im in tears while im making a call lmao... its embarrassing because i still live with my mom at 21 and i hate trying to explain myself,
as she makes me feel like a failure; "omg ur an adult, u shouldnt feel this. why is my friends 17 yr old more mature than u"

im working remotely for the past 3 yrs but ive slowed down due to a bad burnout that led to even deeper depression last year... and honestly i dont ever see myself
working a 9-5. i dont even dare mentioning this to my mom... let alone ill never marry and im childfree. She is expecting me to become a doctor soon. This is after she
coerced me to finish my law degree. That woman cant make up her mind. She married a douchebag and had me with him. Both my parents are abusive but my mom is
better than my dad.

i feel scared to move out and live alone. idk why. Im planning to ctb within a year or 2, so ill definitely move out and fake doing a degree or getting a normal job and
slowly losing contact before killing myself. ill try to make it seem like i cut contact w/ her. if she still finds out, well she cant do much at that point.

recently im seriously considering just skipping all of that and go missing and kill myself because i feel like im reaching my limit. ive lost interest in everything. i really want to die.
kinda wish i could take the whole world with me lol..

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering, I also do not see a future for myself and I understand that it can be a hopeless feeling. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[vold3m0r†]

I'm sorry you are suffering, I also do not see a future for myself and I understand that it can be a hopeless feeling. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Thank you very much i appreciate it, man

 

[Bullit]

Are you really that bad? You have a job,and do it remotely,that's better than a lot of people!!!

 

[vold3m0r†]

Are you really that bad? You have a job,and do it remotely,that's better than a lot of people!!!

a lot of ppl who killed themselves or will do it, have had jobs. doesnt make their suffering any less valid.
by your logic, there are starving kids in africa, and u shouldnt complain either lol. no offence.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

im working remotely for the past 3 yrs but ive slowed down due to a bad burnout that led to even deeper depression last year... and honestly i dont ever see myself
working a 9-5.

I relate to so much that you wrote, even though I'm older than you. I followed everybody's instructions. I did the "right" things. And here I am anyway. No one but you knows what you're going through or whether life is worth it to you. And the people who call us lazy or unmotivated or cowardly... a lot of them are the same people who'd rudely tell us to mind our own business if we tried telling them how to feel or live. I'm sure you've read the articles about how corporations in the US and abroad are more profitable than ever, how employees are more productive than ever. Yet wages have been stagnant or declining for millions of workers for decades. We're not sharing in all that wealth creation, but we're working harder and harder. For what? To be burned out, depressed, lonely, deathly sick? Pffft. No wonder an entire (young) generation in China is saying "hell no!" (China's Lying Flat movement).

Sorry you're hurting, man. But don't let anyone guilt you into feeling you're obliged to live as they see fit.

 

[vold3m0r†]

I relate to so much that you wrote, even though I'm older than you. I followed everybody's instructions. I did the "right" things. And here I am anyway. No one but you knows what you're going through or whether life is worth it to you. And the people who call us lazy or unmotivated or cowardly... a lot of them are the same people who'd rudely tell us to mind our own business if we tried telling them how to feel or live. I'm sure you've read the articles about how corporations in the US and abroad are more profitable than ever, how employees are more productive than ever. Yet wages have been stagnant or declining for millions of workers for decades. We're not sharing in all that wealth creation, but we're working harder and harder. For what? To be burned out, depressed, lonely, deathly sick? Pffft. No wonder an entire (young) generation in China is saying "hell no!" (China's Lying Flat movement).

Sorry you're hurting, man. But don't let anyone guilt you into feeling you're obliged to live as they see fit.

I agree a 100%. It seems like society is crumbling right under our feet. I just hope the 4 day week/ 6hr days is implemented, seems like more european countries are starting to experiment with the idea, and i hope the minimum wage is raised.

Tbh, i feel even worse for a lot of people in japan. They have a huge problem: karoshi, which literally means death by overwork.

the world is a shithole.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I just hope the 4 day week/ 6hr days is implemented

Meanwhile, in the US, as "essential workers" were dying at far higher rates despite having few or no job protections, corporations pushed the fed government to pass death-immunity laws so employees who died on the job due to company policies and orders couldn't sue but faced retaliatory anti-whistle-blower lawsuits. And many Americans are furious that poor, vulnerable workers relied on paltry unemployment to keep their families alive rather than take jobs that pay so little workers can't afford exploding real estate & rental costs despite working full time. How did business interest groups in the US respond? By pushing the government to end unemployment & other benefits so that workers would have no choice but to resume exploitative wage slavery. You're right: "the world is a shithole."

Are you really that bad? You have a job,and do it remotely,that's better than a lot of people!!!

Why would you publish that comment on this forum? I'm not trying to attack you, but consider where you are.

 

[Annabella]

If you still have your ability to work intact(no brain damage, severe depression) then everything will be OK. People are adaptable beings and it's in our nature to fight and thrive. I think that this will actually help you build great self esteem/emotional resilience too+independence. The bigger problems arive when that ability to think is dimished/harmed in some way, now that is a thing that can drive people to suicide... (I'm not talking about myself)

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

then everything will be OK.

??? How does any of us know that everything will be OK for anyone else?

 

[Annabella]

??? How does any of us know that everything will be OK for anyone else?

Well I'm working on presumptions here,(it's the internet after all) but they seem like a fairly intelligent person. What caused his problems is tied to his family life, I wouldn't be surprised if he had that type of parenting that is both extremely cold and detached yet controlling at once(schizophrenogenic parenting in 1950s literature became the norm today) From one point of view it feels like it's his mother's mouth talking through him when he says that he's a failure, he is in dire need to detach from his overbearing parents and form his own identity. His family is unconsciously trying to destroy his identity and he has to fight back. But what do I know, I mean I'm playing Freud on the phone right now

 

[vold3m0r†]

Meanwhile, in the US, as "essential workers" were dying at far higher rates despite having few or no job protections, corporations pushed the fed government to pass death-immunity laws so employees who died on the job due to company policies and orders couldn't sue but faced retaliatory anti-whistle-blower lawsuits. And many Americans are furious that poor, vulnerable workers relied on paltry unemployment to keep their families alive rather than take jobs that pay so little workers can't afford exploding real estate & rental costs despite working full time. How did business interest groups in the US respond? By pushing the government to end unemployment & other benefits so that workers would have no choice but to resume exploitative wage slavery. You're right: "the world is a shithole."

Im not shocked by anything. im so desensitized, esp if u just read the news.

But remember when they said "a hungry dog is an obedient dog." and "what if we just cut off unemployment? hunger is a powerful thing." on fox news?

or when seniors have to volunteer because businesses are refusing to raise their wages?

and then we have the other side of the world. We have concentration camps in NK, china, and possibly other countries. Russia is a shithole (im russian but live in europe now). God, dont even get me started on russia. I could write a million page book on whats wrong with that country.

Well I'm working on presumptions here,(it's the internet after all) but they seem like a fairly intelligent person. What caused his problems is tied to his family life, I wouldn't be surprised if he had that type of parenting that is both extremely cold and detached yet controlling at once(schizophrenogenic parenting in 1950s literature became the norm today) From one point of view it feels like it's his mother's mouth talking through him when he says that he's a failure, he is in dire need to detach from his overbearing parents and form his own identity. His family is unconsciously trying to destroy his identity and he has to fight back. But what do I know, I mean I'm playing Freud on the phone right now

i agree with u on having to detach from my mom. it feels very hard. ill have to work my way to do this. my mom is very manipulative. so me telling her that ill be moving out is not an option, ill only tell her when im literally out of the door and moving to another place.

its like walking on egg shells when talking to her. i have to be careful about what i say or else it could turn into a serious argument. been there and done that, its just redundant. lol.

i appreciate your words tho.

 

[Annabella]

Now I realize that my first comment can cause you more harm than good, even though I tried to be optimistic/reassuring with it. You don't need to "pull yourself by your bootstraps", you need love/understanding. I don't want to be mean but your problems are mostly caused by your family(that's where the root is) . What you need is true love + reassurance and understanding when you fail(really important)(for example when someone makes a mistake the first instinct of the controlling yet detached family person is to shout/be mad at them, I've seen this thing even with mothers of toddlers and it's not good) you need to feel like you are loved no matter what/that it's not the end of the world if you fail. From this point of view my first comment would "push" you even further in a sense, I was/am in a similar situation, I pushed myself and it harmed me even more.

Idk it's a fairly complex situation but not one worth dying over. Try to befriend people with 0 ambition maybe it will help. xD

Btw we are exactly in the same boat, so hello!

Im not shocked by anything. im so desensitized, esp if u just read the news.

But remember when they said "a hungry dog is an obedient dog." and "what if we just cut off unemployment? hunger is a powerful thing." on fox news?

or when seniors have to volunteer because businesses are refusing to raise their wages?

and then we have the other side of the world. We have concentration camps in NK, china, and possibly other countries. Russia is a shithole (im russian but live in europe now). God, dont even get me started on russia. I could write a million page book on whats wrong with that country.

i agree with u on having to detach from my mom. it feels very hard. ill have to work my way to do this. my mom is very manipulative. so me telling her that ill be moving out is not an option, ill only tell her when im literally out of the door and moving to another place.

its like walking on egg shells when talking to her. i have to be careful about what i say or else it could turn into a serious argument. been there and done that, its just redundant. lol.

i appreciate your words tho.

Yeah so we pretty much have the exact same mother. It was believed in the 50s that this type of mother was so overbearing/harmful for the child that she could even cause schizophrenia. I relate to the eggshells feeling, i usually avoid to tell her both the good and bad news in my life. And i understand how hard it is to detach from her, mine wants to come with me when I'll go to university xD.