Venting I feel the same way I did last year

[lattebrew]

It's been almost a year since October, the month i genuinely believed I wouldn't live past. I gave things a try, I stayed hopeful, I tried my best. But I still don't see a point to anything. I don't want to live past next month. I always get bad during this time of the year. Fuck, I don't even remember how the past year went. Time is merging with itself, my days are all the same, there's nothing special in this life I'm leading. I feel so ashamed. Student debt is scary as fuck, future jobs, careers, hardships. All that is fucking hard. I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I just want to die. It's so weird saying that. I love my friends, my parents, family, but I don't love who I am and that makes me struggle to love life. I live everyday with dreadful anxiety I can't get rid of and it's so fucking suffocating. I'm tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I also just wish to not exist. But anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[hydrangea74]

It's been almost a year since October, the month i genuinely believed I wouldn't live past. I gave things a try, I stayed hopeful, I tried my best. But I still don't see a point to anything. I don't want to live past next month. I always get bad during this time of the year. Fuck, I don't even remember how the past year went. Time is merging with itself, my days are all the same, there's nothing special in this life I'm leading. I feel so ashamed. Student debt is scary as fuck, future jobs, careers, hardships. All that is fucking hard. I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I just want to die. It's so weird saying that. I love my friends, my parents, family, but I don't love who I am and that makes me struggle to love life. I live everyday with dreadful anxiety I can't get rid of and it's so fucking suffocating. I'm tired.

Sorry to hear this, try to breathe, I hope you can find some peace one way or the other

 

[lattebrew]

Sorry to hear this, try to breathe, I hope you can find some peace one way or the other

thank u

 

[Deleted member 94706]

I've been suicidal for over 3 years. It only gets better for a few months, and not by much it getting better is just life becoming more bearable, or me being in a slightly better mental state, and then a few months later it gets worse again.

 

[divinemistress87]

I've been suicidal for over 3 years. It only gets better for a few months, and not by much it getting better is just life becoming more bearable, or me being in a slightly better mental state, and then a few months later it gets worse again.

This is true , Mental illness is for life

 

[DuskUntilDawn]

It's been almost a year since October, the month i genuinely believed I wouldn't live past. I gave things a try, I stayed hopeful, I tried my best. But I still don't see a point to anything. I don't want to live past next month. I always get bad during this time of the year. Fuck, I don't even remember how the past year went. Time is merging with itself, my days are all the same, there's nothing special in this life I'm leading. I feel so ashamed. Student debt is scary as fuck, future jobs, careers, hardships. All that is fucking hard. I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I just want to die. It's so weird saying that. I love my friends, my parents, family, but I don't love who I am and that makes me struggle to love life. I live everyday with dreadful anxiety I can't get rid of and it's so fucking suffocating. I'm tired.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I believe you can conquer this. You have a good group around you it sounds like. Is there anything that you can do to stay constantly busy. Any hobbies? Try walking or hiking while listening to your favorite music. Try to do something creative like play an instrument, draw, or photography. Play video games, or watch movies/tv shows. I'm not trying to diminish how you feel in any way. I just think you have potential.

 

[003]

I wholeheartedly understand how you're feeling. It's almost like every day is a cycle of the same. It's good knowing that I'm not alone but then again it's sad that you're going through this. It's like no matter how hard you try, things will always stay the same. I hope you can find peace in whatever you chose to do.

 

[ForestGhost]

ahh you articulated that very well! yeah, the false promise of "just give it time", urgh, seems to me like time only makes more plaque fill my brain

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I've had 44 Octobers of existential dread.

 

[lattebrew]

I'm sorry you are struggling. I believe you can conquer this. You have a good group around you it sounds like. Is there anything that you can do to stay constantly busy. Any hobbies? Try walking or hiking while listening to your favorite music. Try to do something creative like play an instrument, draw, or photography. Play video games, or watch movies/tv shows. I'm not trying to diminish how you feel in any way. I just think you have potential.

Thanks for saying that, it made my night. I have a lot of different hobbies but they're never enough to get me to wanna keep living. In the end they'll only be temporary distractions

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

yeah, same here

it was hell last year, hell this year too