Venting I feel stuck

[letpour]

I'm so tired of being alive, I think this just wasn't for me. I've been feeling like this for years, but I end up distracting myself thinking I'll eventually find a reason to keep living, but there's really no point, I always come back to feeling this way, and if I wasn't a coward I would've been gone by now. I just wish there was an easy way to escape this place. I've been thinking a lot about shooting myself but guns are hard to get where I currently live, the height of my appartment is definitely not tall enough and I don't want to risk failing, there's no way I'm getting a comical amount of any medicine strong enough to kill me, I wouldn't even know where to start when thinking about hanging, and stabbing myself just seems too violent. Is it really this hard to feel in peace? Do I need to suffer so much just so I can leave?

 

[Worndown]

Welcome.

 

[tiyijinn]

I'm so tired of being alive, I think this just wasn't for me. I've been feeling like this for years, but I end up distracting myself thinking I'll eventually find a reason to keep living, but there's really no point, I always come back to feeling this way, and if I wasn't a coward I would've been gone by now. I just wish there was an easy way to escape this place. I've been thinking a lot about shooting myself but guns are hard to get where I currently live, the height of my appartment is definitely not tall enough and I don't want to risk failing, there's no way I'm getting a comical amount of any medicine strong enough to kill me, I wouldn't even know where to start when thinking about hanging, and stabbing myself just seems too violent. Is it really this hard to feel in peace? Do I need to suffer so much just so I can leave?

I definitely understand you. It's awful that to escape suffering we have to suffer so much. I wish we just had an off button.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish there's an easy way to just permanently escape from this existence, if suicide actually was straightforward I would be long gone, it's just so horrible and cruel to me how it's so difficult to die. I really do despise how we exist in a world where suicide is inhumanely made as difficult as possible for people, I understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

I completely understand. I've been in the same boat for a little over a decade. Times like these make me wish cars were made like they used to be so i could just get drunk and fall asleep in my garage with the door shut and the engine on. Seems like the ideal way to go. Its a shame things have changed and this isnt an accessible method anymore. Was just as simple as going to sleep

 

[strawb12]

A lot of people don't realize how hard it is to ctb until actually faced with the task. I certainly didn't think about how hard it would be to get everything till it was time to & it was much harder than I would have thought. I don't think I could have without some helpful people on this forum.