Venting I feel so hopeless

[sheepgirl]

It's been 10 years of struggling. I've had good periods sure but for the most part it's been an ongoing battle. Now I have a concert in a few weeks to see a Norwegian singer called aurora. She has truly changed/saved my life the past 2 years. But right now I'm just so hopeless about life I can't even bring myself to think of holding on for the show in a few weeks. There's also immense anxiety around it. There is a lot a lot of other ongoing stuff in my life that make me wanna ctb. I tried to ctb on the weekend but failed. It wasn't necessarily an impulsive attempt but it wasn't the method I was planning and it was all much sooner than expected. I just felt sp horrible I didn't even wanna do another day. I have two parts of me, the part that wants life and the part that wants death. It's a constant fight. Because life and this world is so hard for me. I wish I could just die in peace. I won't lie there is alot about death that scares me. I wish for nothing more than euthanasia with people in my life involved with the process and goodbye but that will never happen. I really want to try ctb again using the same/similar method. I just wish it didn't have to be hard and scary or I wish life didn't have to be so difficult

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult for us, and we shouldn't have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave this world. A peaceful exit really is what we deserve the option of, as of course it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here. But anyway, I wish you the best.