I feel selfish

[anklebiter]

One of the few things that is holding me back from just ending it is my friend who is also really depressed. I'm her only friend and she's the only friend I got, I don't want her to end up ending her life because of me leaving. I do believe that if someone is seriously depressed they have all the right to end it but I just feel horrible thinking about her throwing her life away over me when she still has so much potential to live a great life. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

Sorry kinda a rant just needed to get it out and this seemed like the best place

 

[IndyAna]

I must say you're an amazing, caring friend. selfish? not at all, the exact opposite. I don't have much to say, just that I really hope everything works out for you and your friend in the end

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry. Yes, it's a difficult position to be in. For me- I feel like I have to wait for my Dad to go first- there's no question on that for me. I know it would devastate him.

I do also have a depressed friend though. They have even attempted a few times in their youth. I guess I do wonder about them but ultimately- we are all responsible for ourselves. My friend and yours presumably already know how unhappy you have to be to get to this stage. I suppose I hope that gives them more understanding than others. Also- if they kind of know or suspect- it shouldn't come as a complete shock. Of course, we don't WANT to upset them or anyone else. I guess it's just whether you feel like you can hang on for them alone and I know I can't. I guess sometimes I wonder how I'd feel if they decided to CTB now. I know it would be hard. I know I'd feel sad but at the same time, I hope I'd understand and respect their decision. I doubt that helps really but those are my thoughts.

 

[anklebiter]

I'm sorry. Yes, it's a difficult position to be in. For me- I feel like I have to wait for my Dad to go first- there's no question on that for me. I know it would devastate him.

I do also have a depressed friend though. They have even attempted a few times in their youth. I guess I do wonder about them but ultimately- we are all responsible for ourselves. My friend and yours presumably already know how unhappy you have to be to get to this stage. I suppose I hope that gives them more understanding than others. Also- if they kind of know or suspect- it shouldn't come as a complete shock. Of course, we don't WANT to upset them or anyone else. I guess it's just whether you feel like you can hang on for them alone and I know I can't. I guess sometimes I wonder how I'd feel if they decided to CTB now. I know it would be hard. I know I'd feel sad but at the same time, I hope I'd understand and respect their decision. I doubt that helps really but those are my thoughts.

Yea with my dad I feel guilty, but I feel like he'd get over it pretty fast. With my friend I think she just thinks I'm stressed, i try to avoid talking to her about how I'm really feeling cause I don't want to make her feel bad about herself. And it totally helps it's nice to get someone else's perspective on it. I think of she were to ctb while Im still alive I would feel horrible but at the same time would understand how their feeling, but I definitely wouldn't be able to live hearing that news

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yea with my dad I feel guilty, but I feel like he'd get over it pretty fast. With my friend I think she just thinks I'm stressed, i try to avoid talking to her about how I'm really feeling cause I don't want to make her feel bad about herself. And it totally helps it's nice to get someone else's perspective on it. I think of she were to ctb while Im still alive I would feel horrible but at the same time would understand how their feeling, but I definitely wouldn't be able to live hearing that news

It's very hard. Life inevitably gets us tangled up in other people's lives. I guess we all have to decide just how responsible we are to those other people. I would have to say- it feels different than having dependants- ie. children. I do feel awful for suicidal parents but ultimately- you're not responsible for your friend's life. You happened to meet them by chance- not choice. You didn't intend to pull them into all this. Guess it really does depend on just how close your bond is.

The only other thing I can think of is to slowly try to distance yourself from this friend. I don't know if that's practical. I've lost touch pretty much with all but this one friend. I've been trying to see if they are in touch with other people- and they are. Plus- I've been trying to vent less to them in the hopes they'll do the same and we'll drift more apart. In the hopes that if I do one day do it- it might be easier on them. Maybe that's not possible for you though- or, would feel more cruel?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm so sorry you trapped in such an awful position. The problem is the anti-suicide society we are forced to live in. I somehow I feel that I'm myself trapped in similar issues, as probably so many others here who can't just exit this hellish existance peacefully with dignified methods including the full understandning of loved ones for ones own decision. It' s such a horrible life that we have to endure out of ignorance of others. I wish you all the best, masy you find peace!

And certainly you are NOT selfish., To end ones life who doesn't want to endure agony and suffering any more can never be selfish at all.

 

[anklebiter]

It's very hard. Life inevitably gets us tangled up in other people's lives. I guess we all have to decide just how responsible we are to those other people. I would have to say- it feels different than having dependants- ie. children. I do feel awful for suicidal parents but ultimately- you're not responsible for your friend's life. You happened to meet them by chance- not choice. You didn't intend to pull them into all this. Guess it really does depend on just how close your bond is.

The only other thing I can think of is to slowly try to distance yourself from this friend. I don't know if that's practical. I've lost touch pretty much with all but this one friend. I've been trying to see if they are in touch with other people- and they are. Plus- I've been trying to vent less to them in the hopes they'll do the same and we'll drift more apart. In the hopes that if I do one day do it- it might be easier on them. Maybe that's not possible for you though- or, would feel more cruel?

I've definitely thought of doing that it just makes it rlly hard knowing I'm the only friend she has. She recently moved away so I was hoping she would make new friends there but it's been almost a year now and she constantly tells me how lonely she is and I feel horrible doing it to her, I just imagine how worse she'd feel. I'll probably just end up having to not think abt the after math, and just do it.

I'm so sorry you trapped in such an awful position. The problem is the anti-suicide society we are forced to live in. I somehow I feel that I'm myself trapped in similar issues, as probably so many others here who can't just exit this hellish existance peacefully with dignified methods including the full understandning of loved ones for ones own decision. It' s such a horrible life that we have to endure out of ignorance of others. I wish you all the best, masy you find peace!

And certainly you are NOT selfish., To end ones life who doesn't want to endure agony and suffering any more can never be selfish at all.

Thanks it helps knowing people feel the same/are going through similar things

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've definitely thought of doing that it just makes it rlly hard knowing I'm the only friend she has. She recently moved away so I was hoping she would make new friends there but it's been almost a year now and she constantly tells me how lonely she is and I feel horrible doing it to her, I just imagine how worse she'd feel. I'll probably just end up having to not think abt the after math, and just do it.

This is kinda human instinct, caring about "clan members" when we were wandering through nature like all other creatures in the past millions of years. A clan cannot afford the loss of a single "force" that is needed to "survive". So probably this is what's behind all that. I'm aware that this makes everything even more difficult in the anti-sucicide society we have to live in, but this is how our natural insticts were created. And this does not work in our modern society any more.