Venting I feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me

[buriedinmyhead]

There's something wrong with me and everyone knows it but me. I never get the joke, I always say the wrong thing, I never understand what other people mean. People avoid me, they think I'm weird. No one ever reciprocates feelings for me. There's something wrong, something missing. I wish I knew what it was, or for someone to fucking tell me what everyone else knows about me that I don't. It feels cruel for people to keep such information from me. I know there's something wrong, they know too, but I don't know what it is.

 

[halfstay]

As some who is neurodivergent, not autistic, but more so in the mood and learning cluster of disorders, I relate a lot to what you're describing. When you're neurodivergent, it feels like all the neurotypical people around you sniff it out first and write you off on the spot before you even get a chance to defend yourself. It's brutal and humiliating, but it's also not your fault, and you certainly are not alone in this experience. It's easy to feel like you're just a broken cog that doesn't fit in to the greater inter-workings of society, but that's really not the case. Awkward interactions aside, that doesn't change that you are still a valuable person who deserves respect and kindness just like anyone else.

If you have access to the resources, I would look into testing for neurodivergence. Not saying you have anything, but it could give you some of the answers you're looking for, and hopefully resources along with it.

I hope you feel better friend. <3

 

[ilovenewyork]

Some people are a few degrees out on self perception. Not always a good thing to correct that and go through all your memories rewriting history. Maybe you're aloof, maybe you talk to yourself and have no memory of it, perhaps you don't pay enough attention to others, put your foot in your mouth and come off as stupid. These things are hard to fix, so smooth it over best you can and try to keep your friends. You got what you got and you make what you can with what you got.