I feel like im split in two

[waningmoth]

Theres one part of me that is ambitious, has plans, things im excited for and then something small will happen that shows me how scary the world is and how its all just trying to juggle 10,000 small things that constantly go south if not kept up with but are impossible to keep ontop of everything.

Life scares me, i feel wholly unprepared, even basic things like maintaining a home and having a safe space without unintentionally destroying it.

I want to be the first part but im not strong enough to compete with the second. I want to experience the things i plan for and am excited for but i also just want it all to be over before my incompetence does any more damage

 

[burntboy]

i feel you. i'm so torn that i don't even know who i am anymore. it's like i'm some kind of animal. it's so fucking frustrating to not be in control of yourself!

 

[waningmoth]

If i could just sustain myself by myself i feel id be ok but constantly having two extreme opposing viewpoints fighting it out, optimism and hopelessness that never cross over,is just tireing. I hope you find a way to reconcile your feelings and hopefully find yourself again