Firstly I want to thank everyone here and all those who work behind the scenes here as you give us a space to be able to talk about something that we generally can't talk about.
I don't want anyone to leave this earth through such suffering, but not being able to even discuss how they're feeling without being shut down, told you're just saying it for attention, or forced to stay in a potentially further traumatizing environment is a shitty paradox.
My own vent,
I don't see life getting much better, I feel like it's honestly inhumane to let someone live when they're feeling like this.
I'm scared to get a job, I was assaulted and had to leave college, I have bpd and am realizing that there is very little chance I will ever find someone romantically who will healthily tolerate me.
I thought I did and then he left me a week ago.
He said we'd be friends but avoids me now.
How many more times can I go through this? preferably 0. But I see now that even if I stop dating and do my best to live like that, the rest of my life is screwed anyway.
I'm running out of money, too mentally ill to work a full time job anyway.
I constantly invision myself hanging or getting crushed until my skull cracks open.
I think if I do take myself out, since N doesn't seem to be an option anymore, I will drive far away and hang myself.
I don't think it will be painless, and I think it will be extremely uncomfortable, but I feel like it's better than pushing through a life that's already as good as gone.
I'm scared, and I hate the thought of committing to it, I don't even know why because I genuinely feel it would be better. I guess that's just my humanity fighting to stay despite the reality.
the likelihood I will end it continues to get higher and higher.
I don't want anyone to leave this earth through such suffering, but not being able to even discuss how they're feeling without being shut down, told you're just saying it for attention, or forced to stay in a potentially further traumatizing environment is a shitty paradox.
My own vent,
I don't see life getting much better, I feel like it's honestly inhumane to let someone live when they're feeling like this.
I'm scared to get a job, I was assaulted and had to leave college, I have bpd and am realizing that there is very little chance I will ever find someone romantically who will healthily tolerate me.
I thought I did and then he left me a week ago.
He said we'd be friends but avoids me now.
How many more times can I go through this? preferably 0. But I see now that even if I stop dating and do my best to live like that, the rest of my life is screwed anyway.
I'm running out of money, too mentally ill to work a full time job anyway.
I constantly invision myself hanging or getting crushed until my skull cracks open.
I think if I do take myself out, since N doesn't seem to be an option anymore, I will drive far away and hang myself.
I don't think it will be painless, and I think it will be extremely uncomfortable, but I feel like it's better than pushing through a life that's already as good as gone.
I'm scared, and I hate the thought of committing to it, I don't even know why because I genuinely feel it would be better. I guess that's just my humanity fighting to stay despite the reality.
the likelihood I will end it continues to get higher and higher.
