Discussion I feel exposed after sharing my ctb plans

[kunikuzushi]

I'm so disappointed in myself. I stupidly told my boyfriend about my ctb plans. There was no reason to. It's not like I want help. And I obviously don't want to be stopped. I guess it was just getting impossible to keep up the happy facade. I feel incredibly exposed. These thoughts and plans are my only comfort, and I shared them with someone who doesn't understand. I feel uneasy. Has anyone else done something similar?

 

[Lilythefenfen]

Well, be expecting a wellness check or some other form + arguments to ensue.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Well, be expecting a wellness check or some other form + arguments to ensue.

He's not going to call the cops on me. We were talking in person. And I don't know what we would argue about.

 

[MyShadow]

I told my now former girlfriend about my feelings and thoughts of ending my life. She told me that she "can't subscribe to this" and I am "disrupting her serenity" and disappeared. This was after she told me that I can trust and be vulnerable with her.

I've told a few other people that I trusted and got the same result. Whatever you do, don't tell your therapist or any mental health professional because you will find yourself in a situation where your control is ripped away from you for an unspecified amount of time.

This is truly a journey that we must take alone, and whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I told my now former girlfriend about my feelings and thoughts of ending my life. She told me that she "can't subscribe to this" and I am "disrupting her serenity" and disappeared. This was after she told me that I can trust and be vulnerable with her.

I've told a few other people that I trusted and got the same result. Whatever you do, don't tell your therapist or any mental health professional because you will find yourself in a situation where your control is ripped away from you for an unspecified amount of time.

This is truly a journey that we must take alone, and whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

It's sad how people say they care, but can't even handle a simple thought about suicide. I'm sorry you've been betrayed.

I'm sure I will never tell a mental health professional again. I've done it before and was treated like a zoo animal locked in the hospital.

I guess I was desperate to have someone to talk about this with in person. But you're right, I have to accept this is a journey we must take alone. Thank you and I hope you find the peace you're looking for too.

 

[MyShadow]

It's sad how people say they care, but can't even handle a simple thought about suicide. I'm sorry you've been betrayed.

I'm sure I will never tell a mental health professional again. I've done it before and was treated like a zoo animal locked in the hospital.

I guess I was desperate to have someone to talk about this with in person. But you're right, I have to accept this is a journey we must take alone. Thank you and I hope you find the peace you're looking for too.

No part of this life is easy, especially when ending it. No one will understand that pain we endure.

I have PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety. Nothing works to help the symptoms and my
situation has gotten worse so my symptoms have gotten worse. There's no end but the true end.
Every part of me aches for release.

But explaining that to anyone only ends in some sort of betrayal.

 

[Dante_]

But explaining that to anyone only ends in some sort of betrayal.

Yeah this is why I don't believe in opening up to people at all irl because if you do, you'll be seen as nuisance, a burden worth discarding and then they'll victim blame.

 

[MyShadow]

Yeah this is why I don't believe in opening up to people at all irl because if you do, you'll be seen as nuisance, a burden worth discarding and then they'll victim blame.

Or worse, try to intervene and complicate the situation.

 

[Dante_]

Or worse, try to intervene and complicate the situation.

Yeah definitely this... which does cause stress, tension and conflict so much worse for sure.

 

[Xiaojiu]

I told someone and I was taken away and brought to a mental hospital. They gave me a medication that made me worse :/

I'm pretty open about being suicidal to my husband, but he gets hurt about me wanting to CTB (My reasons are because of chronic pain 24/7, disability, and chronic illnesses).

I tried opening up to other people about it in the past and they made me feel horrible. They would reply with anger and hurt. The way they would act like I want to CTB because of them AKA they made it about them. They didn't really listen to me or try to understand my reasons behind doing so. They made me feel terrible and constantly judged. And they would say things like suicide is a coward's way out, that it is weak, etc.

Now, I don't have any friends and the few I still talk to is just surface level conversations. I don't really talk about myself at all anymore.

I mostly just talk to people on this site. I feel like it's not really a good idea to talk about these feelings and thoughts with other people because they don't understand. :/