i feel bad for wanting to ctb

[freaky.kay]

i've got a significant other, and they tried to ctb back in november. it broke me. it was hell waiting for them while they were in the hospital. i sent little notes to their dms every day for them to read when they came home. when i saw them again for the first time, i gave them the biggest hug and kiss i could. i know now that that's exactly how they will feel when i do eventually ctb. even then, they only tried to, and i don't intend on failing when i do

 

[day]

I sometimes feel guilty for planning on going through with my CTB. Surely it hurts people but it's selfish of them to want me to suffer as well.

The world is so cruel to people who don't deserve it.

I'm sorry OP, I hope you find peace moving forward.

 

[todiefor]

:') you sound like a lovely person who truly cares for your significant other, I'm sorry you feel so tormented about leaving. It must be a very difficult and conflicted decision for you
I also feel bad for wanting to ctb. There are so many on this site that have suffered and are suffering far more than me. I know it's not something to compare but comparatively I've got nothing particularly wrong with me, I've never been suicidal until 6 months ago and it's circumstantial. Nevertheless I am just so suicidal everyday feels like a terrible infliction I don't know how to get through every day, there's so much pain, I can't see a path to the future, I can't resolve my feelings toward the cruelties in this world and the cruelties I am enduring. No one in my life has any inkling. Even those I have hinted at, none of them believe the possibility that I could, I don't think anyone knows how incredibly suicidal I feel

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be hard to deal with being in that situation, but anyway none of us are obligated to continue delaying our inevitable fate, deciding when to leave is always a personal decision. But I just wish that people wouldn't force life here in the first place so there would be no death and loss which is inevitable as long as one exists here, existence is just too cruel.