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7213882898

7213882898

"uh" - N
Sep 9, 2023
39
Hey fellows and fellas,
I attempted to cbt a couple months back via the ever so popular SN route. Fortunately (or unfortunately, we will see in the long run), I got a bad batch of SN (from a supplier known to be giving out quite a lot of bad batches nowadays) and was merely knocked out for ~12 hours. I was tracked by police via my phone signal (I hadn't removed my SIM card from my phone per my original plan) and after a short search op was found unconscious and unresponsive. Cue a LOT of methylene blue (yes the stories are true, you do piss blue!) and a lil saline, plus some narcan since they didn't know everything I'd taken, I stayed in the local psych ward for not even a week (4/5 days if i recall?), and was discharged with proper aftercare this time (this was not my first attempt, actually my third but never got the right aftercare). Before you ask, no, I'm not living my life on some shitty pills that'll cripple me in the long run (get off ur prozac kids), I haven't even had my first therapy session come through yet, it's in 10ish days.
How, you ask, do I feel better now? I recently started college, and somehow my ass has been socializing out the, well, ass. The loneliness and dread that came from it disappeared within a couple days, and I was smoking weed in the local park like the true delinquent I am (but with newfound friends this time). I went to a party (like any party in general) for the first time in my life last Thursday, ended up escorting some overly drunk girls home (not in that way you perverts), and woke up to texts the next morning from random numbers thanking me. I've joined my colleges' outdoors club and will be heading 2 states away this weekend to their lodge in the woods. I have a promising career ahead of me, no hiccups in my courses (yet lol), and enough cigarettes to last me to the end of next week.
Please don't take this as me bragging about anything. I understand how incredibly lucky I am and will be eternally grateful for the second chance I got. I'm not going to preach pro-life bullshit, I know there are people out there in constant, chronic physical or mental anguish who have no other options. But, if you were like me and going through hell, but have something major coming up (and again you aren't in constant excruciating anguish), wait. As much as it will hurt, wait. Shit does turn around sometimes, not always, but sometimes. Take it from a guy who was probably medically dead for a couple minutes.

XwX

will edit this if i forgot anything or if a common question comes up
also shoutouts to blanket for being literally the best :)
 
Last edited:
Lulzacruel

Lulzacruel

Specialist
Jun 13, 2023
336
How was it like waking up? Where did you wake up? What was your first thought? Were the staff nice to you?
 
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7213882898

7213882898

"uh" - N
Sep 9, 2023
39
How was it like waking up? Where did you wake up? What was your first thought? Were the staff nice to you?
regained consciousness near the end of the ambulance ride, but actually fully woke up in the ER. First thought was "fuckin again?" (3rd failed attempt). Staff were cool, it was a pretty small town hospital (I was surprised they had a full psych ward). treated me like any other person which surprised me (in a good way)
 
CTBookOfLife

CTBookOfLife

ᴶᵘˢᵗ ᵃ ˢʰᵉˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ᵇᵒᵈʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᵐⁱⁿᵈˢ
Aug 5, 2023
151
This makes me so happy! After my CTB attempt I had zero suicidal thoughts for like a year, maybe more! My main tip is to set up for the future, for if those thoughts come back. Not to say that you shouldn't CTB if you feel the need to, but even in wonderful situations, those thoughts can come back. Wouldn't want you to CTB all because of suicidal thoughts when you could have a life of little pain!!! (again obviously that's your choice, but I definitely recommend that you set up some support for if that happens) <3
 
tiredangelgirl

tiredangelgirl

i'm sorry i'm trying my best
Aug 1, 2022
76
I know pro lifers can be super annoying and get a bad rep on this site but at the end of the day, we wish everyone would be happy and comfy with their lives on this planet. i'm really happy to hear you're doing better, and I hope things only go up for you 🫶🏼

can you give an abbreviation of where you got your bad batch of sn from? I bought some a while back (site has since been shut down) and I haven't tested it. how did you feel once you had taken it?
 
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7213882898

7213882898

"uh" - N
Sep 9, 2023
39
I know pro lifers can be super annoying and get a bad rep on this site but at the end of the day, we wish everyone would be happy and comfy with their lives on this planet. i'm really happy to hear you're doing better, and I hope things only go up for you 🫶🏼

can you give an abbreviation of where you got your bad batch of sn from? I bought some a while back (site has since been shut down) and I haven't tested it. how did you feel once you had taken it?
tig. was mostly likely just a big batch of nitrate or table salt.
 
B

betternever2havbeen

Elementalist
Jun 19, 2022
815
tig. was mostly likely just a big batch of nitrate or table salt.

@kitsix ugh that was gonna be my guess. Have heard bad things recently about it not being proper SN-wonder what happened with that site. Anyway, in your case I'm super happy for you it turned out not to be real SN! It sounds like you're doing incredibly well, hope it continues for you and you don't go back into that dark place again.
 
L

LaVieEnRose

Illuminated
Jul 23, 2022
3,401
I'm glad things are moving in a positive direction for you. I hope you are never brought to the brink again.
 
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Reactions: Per Ardua Ad Astra
sadwriter

sadwriter

In recovery (no longer active)
Aug 29, 2023
176
I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better— it gives me hope for my own recovery. Also glad that your attempt didn't have any long term side effects…

Wishing you the best in your recovery process! I hope things continue to look up for you.

(Also, just wanted to say that I love your writing style. Your little parenthetical asides are great.)
 

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