Venting I failed this morning :(

[AntisocialGG]

After this attempt i see why they say you should keep away the things you can use to CTB. I think it might be honestly helpful because everyday i see myself as someone impulsive more and more. I honestly just don't feel like a human right now, i just felt like a robot today doing everyday things, faking the emotions, avoiding the people that told me to get tf away from them. Things a logical me would do. My classes feel extremely easy for some reason, everything seems logical and easy. But when i think about 1 or 2 weeks from now i don't imagine myself there, i see it like a far date, as if they were talking about 5 years from now. I just want someone to talk about all this without bothering them to talk about it with my family and won't judge me at the same time. That someone doesn't exist sadly.

If anyone wondering my CTB method, it's ligature strangulation. i used a constrictor knot but couldn't get the right pressure on the carotid. I think with something there i might be able to, which i was able to confirm using 2 lighters, but i didn't use them this morning. And honestly felt too disappointed to even try.

 

[Kurwenal]

I'm sorry for your disappointment. It is a unique feeling, having embraced the idea that you are about to die, and then not ending up dead. It is not a feeling I would wish on others.

You mentioned that you want someone to talk about all this with. You are welcome to PM me if you so desire. I can't promise that I'll have anything helpful to say, but I'll listen and try to understand your pain. If that is something that could help you in any way, please feel free to reach out.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry to hear you're plan didn't go as you expected. I've had a few failed attempts abd waking up alive is a horrible experience! It difficult to finally make the decision to ctb. You do all the planning and are emotionally ready to go. I use to write goodbye notes and everything. The "last day" was always my happiest day ever. What people fail to realize that a failed ctb attempt is devastating. It's ab emotionally roller coaster. I definitely understand how you feel.

I also feel like a robot. I go about life pretending I'm "nornal," there is no alternative.

So how are you feeling now? Are you in pain from your failed attempt? How are you coping with continuing to go on?

I guess my suggestions for you would be to keep busy. I see you're in school which is great, it gives your mind a rest. I think it would be a great idea to talk to people who have failed attempts and share your feelings. A failed attempt isn't simply another day. I'm always here if you want to chat

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

Life feels so much different when you've accepted you are going to be gone.