Grass is not always greener.
Reading these posts from such a smart, kind, intelligent woman who ctb put things into perspective for me. She talks in detail about her relationship with her boyfriend in some of them.
https://www.oocities.org/suzygmemorial/posts.html
No amount of love would heal these wounds I think, unless the person truly understood the situation or respected my wishes to not exist. It is likely someone you try to date may look down on you for having what they consider to be "mental deficiencies".
I find that phenomena to be cruel and abhorrent, but the world we live in is selfish and no one wants to deal with someone branded as mentally ill, which makes relationships significantly harder.