I envy those who have money and have a girlfriend to share moments with

[Mercury6737]

Is it hard to believe that many here should seek help before ctb?

That's fine. All I'm saying is that, time and again, it is clear that some posters often speak strongly about CTB, but do not actually want to CTB, which gives justification to pro-lifers who claim that all people who want to CTB actually need "help." In other words, CTB is never an option.

But a lot of people here really want help. I think what the pro-lifers get wrong is that not everyone wants nor needs it, and there's a great chance people who CBT already had ehxausted their resources.

Again, that is fine. See the reply above. You can't exhaust all resources if you opt-out before time, time being one of the most fundamental resources. I hope you see where this goes.

 

[Oddmass]

I think for people like me even though I have yet to experience it and exhaust this option, I know for a fact that any relationship I enter is going to be bad for all involved. Either someone gets with me purely to take advantage of me or I could end up settling out of fear and ultimately still making us both even more unhappy. It does hurt to know that my inexperience is exactly why I'm unfit for any girlfriend at my age. Sure 26 is relatively young but not when almost everyone else has been getting dates since they were in their teens. Any smart girl who looks at me would rightfully assume that there must be valid reasons for this being the case, reasons which they'd be smart enough to use themselves and reject me for.

Knowing that and faced with the crippling realization that my biology programmed me to make it my only thing worth living for, why shouldn't I be allowed to die then rather than potentially make mine or someone else's life more miserable?

I understand you completely. I've known plenty of people through out my life in your same issue. Being inexperienced is a hell of a fucking thing, and I honestly have no answer for it. There are some out there who are willing to give inexperienced people a try and help them learn, but its very few and they will more than likely not stick around. You are definitely right about most girls seeing your inexperience as a red-flag and rejecting you for it. Without relationship experience it's hard to tell what you want out of it, or what kind of person you're looking for if that makes any sense. Later on in age when people are ready to settle down the last thing they want is some one who doesn't know what they want. But in the end who tf knows, 90% of the relationships I was in I was absolutely miserable and wanted to blow my brains out regardless.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not necessarily. I've read that amongst the younger generations the percentage of people who haven't had sex as a teen or in their twenties is increasing a lot. Social media and the like make it seem different.

I think in those studies, they found that the majority of young people still at least do it by their EARLY 20s but late 20s is still too late, though this is indeed why I'm sort of postponing my CTB until I'm 28. Even so, a lot of people who waited to have sex still could have had fulfilling boyfriends/girlfriends even when they were younger so they still have that experience at least.

 

[Donk]

grass is always greener on the other side. I'm 42 and I've dated my fair share of women and currently married. I consider myself part of the middle class. Yet I'm still depress and suicidal. In fact, It's very difficult to sustain a relationship when you are dealing w/ mental illness(s). Not sure if finding a partner will solve the underlying problem.

 

[mikenoir]

That's fine. All I'm saying is that, time and again, it is clear that some posters often speak strongly about CTB, but do not actually want to CTB, which gives justification to pro-lifers who claim that all people who want to CTB actually need "help." In other words, CTB is never an option.

Again, that is fine. See the reply above. You can't exhaust all resources if you opt-out before time, time being one of the most fundamental resources. I hope you see where this goes.

Well, who gives a fig what they think. This is a pro-choice site. No one has to off themselves.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

I've been married and have had a few other live in relationships over the years, and have had plenty of girlfriends in between. From the age of 20 to 49, I was single a total of nine months, as I immediately got into a new relationship when one didn't work out. (By no means am I trying to sound boastful, as I find my jumping from one relationship to the next unflattering ((hints of codependency? )) and I am merely trying to offer a different perspective).

Prior to the age of twenty, I struggled to get into a strong and committed relationship and felt like many of you on this board. Before the age of 20, I was incredibly depressed every New Years Eve, in particular, being single on that day seemed tortureous to me.

I'm late middle aged now, have been single for several years, and have zero desire to be in another relationship ever again; and, I choose to no longer date, and on that front, I couldn't be happier.

Everyone should have the experience of being in a loving relationship at least once, but I can assure you it's not all it's cracked up to be, especially after the honeymoon phase is over. Just look at how many members on this site are having significant problems with their respective spouses or significant others. Look at the divorce rates where you live. I'm in California and the rates are sky high!

I fully understand what it's like to feel a void by being single and inexperienced with love, but don't be fooled by what you perceive it means to be in a relationship. Most of what you see in the movies, on social media, and out in public is an illusion.

 

[Kramer]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

I've been married and have had a few other live in relationships over the years, and have had plenty of girlfriends in between. From the age of 20 to 49, I was single a total of nine months, as I immediately got into a new relationship when one didn't work out. (By no means am I trying to sound boastful, as I find my jumping from one relationship to the next unflattering ((hints of codependency? )) and I am merely trying to offer a different perspective).

Prior to the age of twenty, I struggled to get into a strong and committed relationship and felt like many of you on this board. Before the age of 20, I was incredibly depressed every New Years Eve, in particular, being single on that day seemed tortureous to me.

I'm late middle aged now, have been single for several years, and have zero desire to be in another relationship ever again; and, I choose to no longer date, and on that front, I couldn't be happier.

Everyone should have the experience of being in a loving relationship at least once, but I can assure you it's not all it's cracked up to be, especially after the honeymoon phase is over. Just look at how many members on this site are having significant problems with their respective spouses or significant others. Look at the divorce rates where you live. I'm in California and the rates are sky high!

I fully understand what it's like to feel a void by being single and inexperienced with love, but don't be fooled by what you perceive it means to be in a relationship. Most of what you see in the movies, on social media, and out in public is an illusion.

Why do people stay in non married relationships for years if they're miserable?

 

[Symbiote]

Married and have money, it's not what it's cracked up to be. Relationships change over time, and if you're a person that doesn't like change or can't go with the flow at times then it can be downright miserable for both people. I thought that once I had my ducks lined up in a row that I was ready for a relationship. Being in the relationship made me lose all my ducks and now I'm wanting out of it. At least enjoy the freedom of money and traveling on my own without being attached to anyone sounds like a really good idea. I know for sure I will not be married again because I have enough PTSD from the current one.

Money comes and goes, it's great when you have it, it's not great when you don't have it, but I learned how to live below my means so that I have plenty to use on hobbies or traveling. Can money buy love? Yes, but it won't be long-lasting and could be soul crushing at the end. Money can be used to improve yourself and that's what I intend to use it on. I don't care how many Joe Blow has because there will always be someone more attractive and richer than I am.

 

[no 4mat]

I have no $hit and I'll die alone. it is what it is.

 

[Kramer]

Married and have money, it's not what it's cracked up to be. Relationships change over time, and if you're a person that doesn't like change or can't go with the flow at times then it can be downright miserable for both people. I thought that once I had my ducks lined up in a row that I was ready for a relationship. Being in the relationship made me lose all my ducks and now I'm wanting out of it. At least enjoy the freedom of money and traveling on my own without being attached to anyone sounds like a really good idea. I know for sure I will not be married again because I have enough PTSD from the current one.

Money comes and goes, it's great when you have it, it's not great when you don't have it, but I learned how to live below my means so that I have plenty to use on hobbies or traveling. Can money buy love? Yes, but it won't be long-lasting and could be soul crushing at the end. Money can be used to improve yourself and that's what I intend to use it on. I don't care how many Joe Blow has because there will always be someone more attractive and richer than I am.

What does a miserable relationship look like as one experiencing it?

 

[Symbiote]

What does a miserable relationship look like as one experiencing it?

Imagine they once loved you at one time, then it slowly fades away even though you're trying to rekindle the romance, but they slowly move on from you. You're still tied financially and emotionally cause you want to make it work, but they don't and they don't want to divorce or anything because they don't want to lose their reputation in the family. So you carry on for them, let their loving words turn to malice and criticisms over time. They know you from the inside out and can use your flaws to hurt you over and over. A part of you still clings on that they'll change again, that they'll love you again the same way, but you know deep down that's wishful thinking. Years go by, and you've been stuck in a long-term relationship that sucks your energy dry, forces you to be codependent, and make you believe that you're 100% at fault for all their problems.

 

[Kramer]

Imagine they once loved you at one time, then it slowly fades away even though you're trying to rekindle the romance, but they slowly move on from you. You're still tied financially and emotionally cause you want to make it work, but they don't and they don't want to divorce or anything because they don't want to lose their reputation in the family. So you carry on for them, let their loving words turn to malice and criticisms over time. They know you from the inside out and can use your flaws to hurt you over and over. A part of you still clings on that they'll change again, that they'll love you again the same way, but you know deep down that's wishful thinking. Years go by, and you've been stuck in a long-term relationship that sucks your energy dry, forces you to be codependent, and make you believe that you're 100% at fault for all their problems.

Maybe I've been spared more pain by not being in relationships.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I think for people like me even though I have yet to experience it and exhaust this option, I know for a fact that any relationship I enter is going to be bad for all involved.

You don't know that for a fact.

 

[Nicebuddimtim]

Money is a trap and relationships are over rated

 

[flyaway2]

Get yourself a girlfriend if that's what you need now. It's good for you. All you need is see girls for who they are: girls. Otherwise, youll realise that at 40. Then it'll be child abuse. You 40 dating a 19 year old. Do it now.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You don't know that for a fact.

I suppose there's a small chance that maybe I'll meet someone that can tolerate my presence for an extended amount of time, while I in turn also tolerate theirs for the same extended period of time but that could also just be a fairy tale even though it's not technically impossible.

I was also thinking more about the fact that I'm seemingly doomed to develop an unhealthy attachment no matter who the person ends up being which is definitely at least going to be bad at least in the beginning no matter what, although I guess it can be overcome if the other person is willing but to them, that's a lot of effort to put into someone like me. I guess it was just more dramatic for me to word it that way since I'm trying to convince myself more than anyone else really.

 

[flyaway2]

Money is a trap and relationships are over rated

Money is a trap and relationships are over rated

That's not a good thing to say to young people. The internet has disadvantaged a lot of young people as they interact with people they wouldn't otherwise interact in real life, like a 49 year old guy fed up with life. Then we feed our life experiences to kids devoid of experience.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I suppose there's a small chance that maybe I'll meet someone that can tolerate my presence for an extended amount of time, while I in turn also tolerate theirs for the same extended period of time but that could also just be a fairy tale even though it's not technically impossible.

I was also thinking more about the fact that I'm seemingly doomed to develop an unhealthy attachment no matter who the person ends up being which is definitely at least going to be bad at least in the beginning no matter what, although I guess it can be overcome if the other person is willing but to them, that's a lot of effort to put into someone like me. I guess it was just more dramatic for me to word it that way since I'm trying to convince myself more than anyone else really.

You are having a hard time as it is, no need to worry about all the hypotheticals. If you create a negative expectation, you'll have trouble seeing anything that might happen as a positive. I am like that too, and I am starting to think that is one of the (largely overlooked) reasons why my life is so shit at the moment.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You are having a hard time as it is, no need to worry about all the hypotheticals. If you create a negative expectation, you'll have trouble seeing anything that might happen as a positive. I am like that too, and I am starting to think that is one of the (largely overlooked) reasons why my life is so shit at the moment.

You probably have a point there. I guess I'll just continue hoping for a miracle in the next couple years.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

You probably have a point there. I guess I'll just continue hoping for a miracle in the next couple years.

You have to take action. Approach women more to gain experience. Do you use any dating apps? I know it's a lot harder for men to find someone, and that you have slimmer chances of success than women, but if you don't even try, failure is guaranteed.

 

[Symbiote]

If you get rejected, take it in stride and do not let it bother you. Just let them know to have a good day and move on.

 

[flyaway2]

What's so hard to get a girlfriend/wife, etc? Trouble is can you put up with her? They are wonderful first few months. If you want a woman, marry her formally, social/legal contract. Hopefully she will have sense and stick around with you. It's a sad reality, but that's how real life works..., whether in California, a village in north Korea or Indonesia, whether 1670 or 2020. Men are not particularly advantaged in one woman relationship.

You have to take action. Approach women more to gain experience. Do you use any dating apps? I know it's a lot harder for men to find someone, and that you have slimmer chances of success than women, but if you don't even try, failure is guaranteed.

This is the stuff feminists are feeding our young boys. Boys can get any girl they want.

 

[Bigpink]

I think I only got married cos I was lonely, it's all over now. Sometimes couples stay together because it's the easier option.
Don't care about relationships now, can't see anyone being interested in me at this stage. I guess I have known love and stuff....

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

This is the stuff feminists are feeding our young boys. Boys can get any girl they want.

How old are you?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You have to take action. Approach women more to gain experience. Do you use any dating apps? I know it's a lot harder for men to find someone, and that you have slimmer chances of success than women, but if you don't even try, failure is guaranteed.

I actually do use a lot of them atm, currently I use Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and CoffeeMeetsBagel almost daily but I rarely get matches on any of them and when I do, they're almost never people I'd be compatible with, even after I chat with them to try to gauge interest, nothing comes out of it. I think maybe the kind of person I'd be attracted to would not be using dating apps in the first place. Either that or, like the woman who messaged me from here, she'd have to be the one to reach out to me first since I hate the thought of having to chase after people because I can't get over how scummy it makes me feel, though if there were no pandemic I'd definitely try to go out at least a little more to try to find people or at least be seen so people can find me.

 

[flyaway2]

How old are you?

46

 

[greebo6]

So would I.
(But don't even try because of inevitable rejection)

Admittedly, as someone else said , sometimes even those who have both can and do still wish to CBT.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

46

You sound older and a bit out of touch. Do you realize that there is a whole online subculture of men who cannot find a girlfriend and who have been single all their lives?

I actually do use a lot of them atm, currently I use Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and CoffeeMeetsBagel almost daily but I rarely get matches on any of them and when I do, they're almost never people I'd be compatible with, even after I chat with them to try to gauge interest, nothing comes out of it. I think maybe the kind of person I'd be attracted to would not be using dating apps in the first place. Either that or, like the woman who messaged me from here, she'd have to be the one to reach out to me first since I hate the thought of having to chase after people because I can't get over how scummy it makes me feel, though if there were no pandemic I'd definitely try to go out at least a little more to try to find people or at least be seen so people can find me.

Why do you feel scummy if you make the first move?

 

[Symbiote]

I actually do use a lot of them atm, currently I use Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and CoffeeMeetsBagel almost daily but I rarely get matches on any of them and when I do, they're almost never people I'd be compatible with, even after I chat with them to try to gauge interest, nothing comes out of it. I think maybe the kind of person I'd be attracted would not be using dating apps in the first place. Either that or, like the woman who messaged me from here, she'd have to be the one to reach out to me first since I hate the thought of having to chase after people because I can't get over how scummy it makes me feel, though if there were no pandemic I'd definitely try to go out at least a little more to try to find people or at least be seen so people can find me.

Dating apps are like the 9th layer of Hell for men because women on there have a whole pool of men to choose from and most would be looking for that unicorn. We like to think that we're unicorns too, but that's never the case. Unless you have the looks of Leo DiCaprio and the personality of Sean Connery, I would steer clear away from them. It's better to meet in person or do one of those speed dating meetups whenever Covid goes away. I met a few women through shared hobbies or when dancing by myself at the club. Just takes patience and not getting too worked up on virtual apps and/or rejections.

 

[ClockChelsea]

There are those who have both and still want to CTB

All the time...