Venting I dont want to live anymore but scared of the thought of dying.

[MiMif]

I'm getting really really tired lately. I have come to the conclusion that my life means absolutely nothing and I'm just a walking shell...I feel like ive died inside my head a long time ago and everyday is meaningless and I'm just dragging on with no purpose.

Like but if I just felt like life was meaningless I would hold out because I'll play the game cause why not. But it's so tiring too....there's no point and it hurts and it's painful so I want it to end.

The thing is though when I think about dying I get scared. I'm kinda planning on ctbing in a week so I'm looking up methods. Though I go on gore sites to see the methods effects on the bodies and seeing that makes me scared of doing it. Like hangings look super gross. I also hear that its possible if I I fail I have lasting effects.

I want to die like I do no doubt. I hate life I'm positive but when I think of death I'm scared it's wierd.

I don't even have any reliable ways to be honest I have a gun but I don't like guns and using a gun even though on gore sites it happens quickly makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah I'm just venting. Anyone know how to overcome the fear of death though?

 

[dyn00ss]

I'm getting really really tired lately. I have come to the conclusion that my life means absolutely nothing and I'm just a walking shell...I feel like ive died inside my head a long time ago and everyday is meaningless and I'm just dragging on with no purpose.

Like but if I just felt like life was meaningless I would hold out because I'll play the game cause why not. But it's so tiring too....there's no point and it hurts and it's painful so I want it to end.

The thing is though when I think about dying I get scared. I'm kinda planning on ctbing in a week so I'm looking up methods. Though I go on gore sites to see the methods effects on the bodies and seeing that makes me scared of doing it. Like hangings look super gross. I also hear that its possible if I I fail I have lasting effects.

I want to die like I do no doubt. I hate life I'm positive but when I think of death I'm scared it's wierd.

I don't even have any reliable ways to be honest I have a gun but I don't like guns and using a gun even though on gore sites it happens quickly makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah I'm just venting. Anyone know how to overcome the fear of death though?

I read that with alcohol or sedatives you could calm down a little and decrease the SI, I identify a lot with your fear of dying and not wanting to stay alive this medium in the middle is terrible, I think the weapon is fast and almost painless if done correctly, if I had access and had desperate I would use this method, search well and decide a method with a high success rate, anyway if you decide to live or die.. I wish you the best <3

 

[Cryptonite]

Try a combination of alcohol, benzodiazepines and opiates to really decrease SI as much as possible. Opiates, if taken in a large enough dose, are great directly for CTB as well.

 

[nonie]

I'm getting really really tired lately. I have come to the conclusion that my life means absolutely nothing and I'm just a walking shell...I feel like ive died inside my head a long time ago and everyday is meaningless and I'm just dragging on with no purpose.

Like but if I just felt like life was meaningless I would hold out because I'll play the game cause why not. But it's so tiring too....there's no point and it hurts and it's painful so I want it to end.

The thing is though when I think about dying I get scared. I'm kinda planning on ctbing in a week so I'm looking up methods. Though I go on gore sites to see the methods effects on the bodies and seeing that makes me scared of doing it. Like hangings look super gross. I also hear that its possible if I I fail I have lasting effects.

I want to die like I do no doubt. I hate life I'm positive but when I think of death I'm scared it's wierd.

I don't even have any reliable ways to be honest I have a gun but I don't like guns and using a gun even though on gore sites it happens quickly makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah I'm just venting. Anyone know how to overcome the fear of death though?

I know this is probably not the advice you're looking for but from the sound of your post it might be what you need to hear.

I know you're saying that you want to die, but thinking of CTB scares you. How sure are you that this is what you want to do? It's irreversible. I'm associating a fear of death with a lack of acceptance that you are ready to go.

I too feel like my soul has died within me and I am carrying on, but I have the same feelings you do around CTB which leads me to feel my time is not now. I will know when the time has come, since the thought of it will provide me with closure. Again, I'm, sorry if this isn't what you wanted to be told but I felt compelled to share and everyone is different, so I could be way off base.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find the thought of permanently ceasing to exist to be so comforting, I could never fear death itself as I believe it to be a peaceful, dreamless and eternal sleep free from all harm and suffering.

But I just wish it's much more straightforward to actually leave this existence, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here and the fact that suicide itself is difficult and risky for me is what has kept me stuck here, it's horrifying how trying to die can go wrong. But anyway best wishes, I will always find it beyond cruel how we cannot just easily leave this existence reliably in peace.

 

[MiMif]

I know this is probably not the advice you're looking for but from the sound of your post it might be what you need to hear.

I know you're saying that you want to die, but thinking of CTB scares you. How sure are you that this is what you want to do? It's irreversible. I'm associating a fear of death with a lack of acceptance that you are ready to go.

I too feel like my soul has died within me and I am carrying on, but I have the same feelings you do around CTB which leads me to feel my time is not now. I will know when the time has come, since the thought of it will provide me with closure. Again, I'm, sorry if this isn't what you wanted to be told but I felt compelled to share and everyone is different, so I could be way off base.

Maybe your right maybe your wrong. Whenever I go to sleep I urge and pray so desperately to never wake up again but the thought of physically ending my life myself scares me....looking at the bodies of others who do what I want is scary to me and the thought of it going wrong and having to deal with brain damage, family, etc scares me.

Honestly I've been thinking that it would be so awesome of like in death note a shinigami just came walking around offering to end a person's life. If it asked me I would say yes in a heartbeat. Even though I say that doing it myself scares me...but I don't want a partner because I'm a woman and fear being raped so I'm stuck alone.

Maybe your right maybe your wrong. Whenever I go to sleep I urge and pray so desperately to never wake up again but the thought of physically ending my life myself scares me....looking at the bodies of others who do what I want is scary to me and the thought of it going wrong and having to deal with brain damage, family, etc scares me.

Honestly I've been thinking that it would be so awesome of like in death note a shinigami just came walking around offering to end a person's life. If it asked me I would say yes in a heartbeat. Even though I say that doing it myself scares me...but I don't want a partner because I'm a woman and fear being raped so I'm stuck alone.

I'm going to try to ctb in a week...if fear overcomes me I'm going to wait...but i csnt tske this existence anymore

Maybe your right maybe your wrong. Whenever I go to sleep I urge and pray so desperately to never wake up again but the thought of physically ending my life myself scares me....looking at the bodies of others who do what I want is scary to me and the thought of it going wrong and having to deal with brain damage, family, etc scares me.

Honestly I've been thinking that it would be so awesome of like in death note a shinigami just came walking around offering to end a person's life. If it asked me I would say yes in a heartbeat. Even though I say that doing it myself scares me...but I don't want a partner because I'm a woman and fear being raped so I'm stuck alone.

I'm going to try to ctb in a week...if fear overcomes me I'm going to wait...but i csnt tske this existence anymore

Maybe your right maybe your wrong. Whenever I go to sleep I urge and pray so desperately to never wake up again but the thought of physically ending my life myself scares me....looking at the bodies of others who do what I want is scary to me and the thought of it going wrong and having to deal with brain damage, family, etc scares me.

Honestly I've been thinking that it would be so awesome of like in death note a shinigami just came walking around offering to end a person's life. If it asked me I would say yes in a heartbeat. Even though I say that doing it myself scares me...but I don't want a partner because I'm a woman and fear being raped so I'm stuck alone.

I'm going to try to ctb in a week...if fear overcomes me I'm going to wait...but i csnt tske this existence anymore

Maybe your right maybe your wrong. Whenever I go to sleep I urge and pray so desperately to never wake up again but the thought of physically ending my life myself scares me....looking at the bodies of others who do what I want is scary to me and the thought of it going wrong and having to deal with brain damage, family, etc scares me.

Honestly I've been thinking that it would be so awesome of like in death note a shinigami just came walking around offering to end a person's life. If it asked me I would say yes in a heartbeat. Even though I say that doing it myself scares me...but I don't want a partner because I'm a woman and fear being raped so I'm stuck alone.

I'm going to try to ctb in a week...if fear overcomes me I'm going to wait...but i csnt tske this existence anymore